I shall return in a nonce. At most, two nonces.

Mustard: like sands through the hourglass.

Can I ask why on earth Harmonix has not at least announced a release date for Rock Band on Wii? It makes no sense. It would take very little effort to port the PS2 version to Wii. Granted, it would be nice if they could add in the online mode missing in that version. But Guitar Hero III on Wii per NDP data was the 3rd best selling game across all consoles for both January and December amounting to over 2 million units sold. Don't you think by releasing the game onto what is obviously a receptive market for this type of game could help them recoup the supposed $200 million it cost to develop the game? Just a thought.

Only a few more days until the release of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Given how it's look so far, I see little reason to sleep for the next few weeks or so. Seriously, it's got a stage that looks like the original DK arcade game:



How ridiculously cool is that?

Indie album of the week for your listening pleasure: VHS or Beta's Bring on the Comets. Little bit of the Killers. Little bit of Interpol. Little bit of Franz Ferdinand. Incredibly entertaining. Burn It All Down made by best of 2007 playlist (narrowly beating out Can't Believe a Single Word). Check it out.

News and notes:

Did anyone notice Fred Armisen's impression of Barak Obama on SNL the other night? When did Obama suddenly become Bullwinkle?

Au revoir Brett Favre.

Slow going for movies right now. Though Leatherheads has a chance to be entertaining in a few weeks. If the trailers are any indication, George Clooney is fully channeling the Cohen brothers. Strange fact, the movie is co-written by Sports Illustrated columnist Rick Reilly. Weird.

Until next time:

"Nobody plays jazz at the Pit Stop!"

"Then why is the song on the jukebox?"

"We use it for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal."

Drink and be merry, for tomorrow we will be in a great deal of pain

Mustard. So hot right now. Mustard.

Back from a ridiculously quick weekend trip to San Francisco by way of San Jose. Due to my inability to properly calculate distances, Erin and I managed to pull of a 12 mile walking tour of the city including the harbor, Chinatown and some of the sketchiest areas of a major city I've ever walked through. But damned if we weren't going to see those Full House houses. Needless to say, after all that walking I've been doing a wonderful impression of Javier Bardem's Oscar winning performance sans the terrible hair and bolt pistol.

Speaking of the Oscar's, someone was looking down from on high this Sunday at the Oscars when 'Falling Slowly' from Once took the prize for best song over a trio of Disney songs. Amen to that. Seriously, if you haven't seen the movie yet, the scene with that song is easily the best music moment in a movie since Stillwater belted out 'Tiny Dancer' on a cross country bus trip. Even the performance at the Oscars was oustanding as was Jon Stewart's save of poor Markéta Irglová who was almost gipped out of her acceptance speech.

Can someone explain to me how 2 different Black Eyed Peas got cast in two major movies? will.i.am gets cast in the upcoming Wolverine movie and Taboo is going to be in the new Street Fighter movie. Two questions come to mind. One, is this because Fergie suddenly became a break out single star and the rest of the band is heading the way of No Doubt and Matchbox 20, waiting for the star to get bored of their solo pop status to make a pity album with them? Two, how did Taboo get screwed on this casting? Talk about losing the coin toss. Do you think they'll at least give him a speech worthy of the Street Fighter name:





News and Notes:

So read the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier. I get it Alan Moore. You're smarter and much better read than I am. Thanks for making me feel next to illiterate.

If you're not on board the Jonathan Coulton train, you're not living.

The Browns look to be tendering a 3 year, $20 million offer to Derek Anderson. Sucks to be Brady Quinn right now.

Variety reports that Jeffrey Katzenberg is blaming videogames for the weaker than expected sales of Shrek 3 on DVD. Apparently Katzenberg has never seen the movie. He's lucky he managed to bamboozle $300 million out of people in the theaters with that worthless cash-in.

Until next time:

"Is that the woman you lost your virginity to?"

"Who?"

"The one that looks like Ronnie Corbett."

"That is Ronnie Corbett. Why would she be wearing a tuxedo?"

"She might be a lesbian."

"Then why would I lose my virginity to a lesbian?"

"Don't know. She might have turned lesbian after you slept with her."

Suck on that, Tony Shaloub.

It's good to have Scrubs back, isn't it?

It's not just that Pushing Daisies is the best new show on TV that's amazing. It's how much better the show is than all everything else. Look, I enjoy Chuck and Reaper and Dirty Sexy Money but compared to Pushing Daisies they're just not even close. It's like the TV gods are trying to make up for taking Veronica Mars away from me.

Speaking of which, Ms. Bell made her debut on Heroes to much aplomb. Ok, so she really had 3 scenes and basically got to shoot some lightening and that was about it. But she was darn good going it.

Which is more than I can say for the rest of the show. Ok, the writers of the show are trying to frame this as a comic book. Except comic book series follow one character or team around. They don't attempt to cram 25 different story arcs in a one time where there's no way they can touch on even half of them in an issue. I'm sorry, either bring them into a relevant storyline or cut out Nikki and Paulo redux. And the New Orleans storyline is just boring. Why are we introducing all these new characters now? Isn't that what the Heroes: Origins is for at the end of the season?

News and Notes:

Sox up 2-0 as we head to Colorado. Hopefully the Rockies can put up at least a little more fight. Only 2 runs so far this series?

Rangers off to a slow start. Best Defense and Worst Offense don't go so well together in the NHL.

How bout them Giants? Where did this come from? I don't know but I sure do like it.

Until next time:

"Why can't we just be here as concerned citizens of the world?"

"Because big daddy needs some new yarn."

"Just because there's a dead body doesn't mean you're going to get paid."

"Just because there's vodka in my freezer doesn't mean I have to drink it. Wait, yes it does."

I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic.

Mustard: Who are you to say no?

So after long speculation and rumor, Spiral Frog has finally launched. For those of you who don’t know, Spiral Frog offers free DRM’d music downloads supported by advertising on the site. What makes it different than your usual “free” download site is that this site is actually backed by Universal Music Group so it has legitimately big artists available. Eschewing those, I gave it a try and was able to download and play with very little effort an old Phantom Planet album. However, ever since then I haven’t been able to access any other less than super popular groups on the site such as Kaiser Chiefs, Rogue Wave or (strangely enough considering it’s current radio airplay) the new Rooney album. I’ll chalk it up to the service only being a day or two old, but I’ll hold off on any real opinion until I can access all albums freely.

Rick Gervais nominated for an Emmy? Excellent. Ricky Gervais winning an Emmy? Outstanding. Ricky Gervais not being at the Emmys so presenters Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert give it to Steve Carrell? Priceless.

What the %^$# is up the Mets? Do they just not want to make the playoffs? They get swept by the Phils at home and now they get theirs asses handed to them by the Nats. The frakking Nats!? A team whose best hitter is Wily Mo freaking Pena!? Hang you head in shame “Amazins” and get your act together! As of the time of this writing the Nats have managed to pull at 4 run comeback and are sitting on top of the Mets, 8-7 and I swear to God the Nats' announcers actually seem sorry for the Mets at this point.

News and Notes:

Smash Bros has wi-fi without absolutely needing friend codes! And it has personalized taunts against those with friend codes! Giggity.

So I’ve never been a big Halo fan (no Xbox and all) but if the video making the rounds is really the ending of Halo 3… Bungie you have some juevos grandes.

Jim Broadbent as Rufus Scrimgeour in Harry Potter 6? I like it a lot.

Yes, I did expect Notre Dame to be bad this year. But what in the hell was that against Michigan? I thought they were supposed to improve after the Penn State game.

Until next time:

"And, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray adjacent."

"Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"

"Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all."

Business is like a jungle. And I am like a tiger. And Dwight is like a monkey that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick.

Mustard: Able to leap tall building in a single bound.

(trivia note: Did you know that Superman originally could not fly, just jump very far? The more you know…)

Football season is in the air. Ok, so it’s been in the air for a week now, but it’s in the air nonetheless. The Colts began their title defense in strong fashion last night by beating the ever-loving tar out of the Saints. Good gravy did Drew Brees look like he just didn’t care anymore by the end. And Jason David was starting to look like Wile E. Coyote with how badly those Colt receivers were blowing by him.

Sadly the Irish did not begin their year in so happy a fashion. The QB musical chairs routine reeked of uncharacteristic Weiss desperation and now that he’s been put in, there’s no way Clausen is coming out short of total meltdown. Hope he’s up to it cause this is not going to be a happy football year for Domers. On the positive side, we’re not Michigan. Hahahaha. So long, farewell to those title dreams.

Why must Apple tease me so? All I wanted was a wide-screen iPod. I don’t give a rats behind about all those iPhone features. But when they finally announce one, the iPod Touch, it only has 16 freakin’ GB of storage. I don’t care that it’s flash memory! Give me at least more than the 20 GB I currently have on my iPod “classic”! I want to be able to fit my music AND my movies on there. Damn you Steve Jobs!

News and Notes:

The fact that the Rock is starring in The Game Plan, which might give The Pacifier a run for it’s money in “action star attempting to grab a quick paycheck” territory, just makes me pray that Southland Tales ends up being a good movie.

“This is ouuuuuuuuuuuuur country!” Oh sweet merciful crap can we kill this song? I’m begging here.

Strahan back with Giants… good thing. Tom Coughlin still coaching the Giants… not so good.

Pedro’s back! And throwing a mighty fine game too even if it was just against the Reds.

Until next time:

“Listen up everybody, I'd like to make an announcement. Christmas is canceled.”

“You can't cancel a holiday.”

“Give it up Stanley or you'll lose New Years.”

“What does that mean?”

“Jim, take New Years away from Stanley.”

I look like Manila Whore Barbie

Mustard: Read it or else!

Stardust – Gotta say, really surprised how much I enjoyed this movie. This is the best “fairy tale” movie I’ve seen since Princess Bride. And it’s in that same vein, a fantasy flick (we don’t count the LOTR in the same group as that’s a whole ‘nother ball game) that is actually made for an adult audience. Intelligent, funny yet dark enough at times to really be truly good movie. Great cast with Michelle Pfieffer apparently deciding that she needed to make up for lost time (seriously, how many movie has she been in this summer?). Lead Charlie Cox plays his role well in the iconic hero’s journey from wide-eyed naivety to confident champion. Claire Danes is great in the part of the “damsel in distress” but not idiotically helpless or, thank God, post-modernly ironic (see Shrek). And Robert DeNiro…that man is just having the time of his life at this point. Plus throw in fun little cameos by Ricky Gervais, Peter O’Toole and Rupert Everett with the narration by Ian McKellan and you’ve got yourself a great cast. The score itself while not entirely original, is a real stand out and one of the best I’ve heard this year. It really makes me sad that this little gem of a movie is struggling at the box office while Rush Hour 3 is making untold riches and shortening the IQs of moviegoers everywhere. Hopefully it’ll find its deserved appreciation, like so many similar movies, on the DVD shelves.

So can I just say how funny I find it that Guitar Hero III made a huge deal out of getting Slash to be a character in the game. Fine, it’s Slash, I understand. But the next huge addition: Bret Michaels. Really? Of Poison fame? Er, they do realize that it’s called Guitar Hero, not Lead Vocalist of a Crappy 80s Hair Band Hero, right?

New and Notes:

Mets @ the Nats this weekend. And it’s Abraham Lincoln bobblehead night on Saturday to boot (you gotta love/shake your head at DC)!

James Marsters will be on Without a Trace this season. Still not gonna watch it, but good for him.

We almost had Kristen Bell on Lost. She’d rather do Legally Blonde on Broadway? So sad…

Until next time:

“Any idea what our parents do Mondays and Wednesdays from 6 to 10 that requires an overnight bag?”

“As far as I’m concerned they play bingo at the VFW.”

Stop, in the name of American prudishness!

Mustard: With great power comes great responsibility… and a Spider-Pig.

The Simpsons Movie – Can’t help but feel a little let down after seeing it. Don’t get me wrong, it still had some hysterical bits in it. The opening church scene had some classic Simpsons in there and of course Ralph Wiggum (“I like men now.”). But maybe it’s just that after having become disillusioned with the show over it’s past few years to the point where I doubt I saw even half of last season, I had some hopes that they were gonna give us a reminder of the greatest of the show from way back when. And while there are a few of those moments, they sadly only push forward the fact that those days are really gone, probably for good. In one of the movie’s best moments Marge has a monologue directed towards Homer which eerily echoes the Simpsons fans feelings toward their one time favorite show. It’s a sentimental moment which once upon a time were a vital part of the best episodes of the show, getting the viewer to not only laugh with the zany antics of the cast, but also get emotionally attached and care about the Simpsons family. Unfortunately the past few years has been hard pressed to find a genuine moment when you could actually understand why in the hell Marge hadn’t dumped Homer years ago. In the end this movie was definitely better than any episode over the past few years, but at the same time cannot live up to the hype of nearly 20 years of buildup.

So Rob Thomas is now a consulting producer to Big Shots? If you haven’t seen the previews for the new ABC show, imagine a desperate attempt to create a “Sex in the City” for men. Did no one else really want Michael Vartan? Rob Thomas is going to have his hands full turn this thing around.

Brady Quinn finally signs with the Browns. As much as I like the guy, he doesn’t come out of this one looking so great. And before people jump on me about “well, he was just looking for incentives for playing time” it doesn’t matter. He’s missed 2 weeks of training camp with the team and with the Browns needing a legit quarterback, he was in great position to pull an Eli Manning and get in there to be immediately groomed for the starting position. Now he’s got all kinds of goodwill to make up.

News and Notes:

I still can’t really say whether or not the show itself is all that great, but I damn sure want the soundtrack to the Flight of the Conchords whenever it comes out. The songs are nothing short of brilliant.

Bonds hit 756! They hype can now slowly start to die! Can I get an Amen?

Does Mark Texiera joining the surging Braves make me a little nervous? Maybe…

Until next time:

“You've gone mad with power!”

“Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!”

I'm gonna go get some vegetarian chili before they get desperate and add meat.

Mustard: Who could ask for anything more?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Started Saturday morning. Finished up by Saturday night. I’m mighty impressed that Rowling managed to tie up as many loose ends as possible and yet the book did not come off in the least disjointed or feel forced. That is a major testament to her skills as a writer not to mention her planning of the series as a whole. She also proved the she could do just fine outside the normal HP school year format (though she does keep the time frame in tact). The story comes full circle. Characters finish their arcs in a satisfying manner. Some characters don’t make it. Some characters get surprising redemption. I was particularly satisfied by the conclusions of Snape and Neville’s arcs not to mention Kreacher's unexpectedly entertaining roles. The only knocks I can put in were that some of the deaths (and there are plenty) had a little less impact than others. I also thought she spent a little too much time with the Tolkein-esque journey through the wilderness. But in the end I have to commend Rowling for crafting a truly classic series of books which will entertain for generations to come. Oh and the absolutely hysterical and brilliant line by Mrs. Weasley in the next to final chapter. I’d also like to point out that (highlight to read): I was completely right in my July 21 review of HBP that RAB did in fact stand for Regulus Black (though Rowling even had the story behind that be unexpected and interesting).Sure after I posted that many people came to the same conclusion but I still have satisfaction of figuring it out when I first read it.Ha!

Now good look turning that whole thing in the seventh movie. Yikes, that’s a lot to squeeze in.

Watchmen casting news: complete non-A list actors. I have no problem with that. I enjoy Billy Crudup’s work and we’ll see how he works under all the makeup/CGI of Dr. Manhattan. Jeffrey Dean Morgan aka Denny will get to expand his range as he goes from Mr. Likeable to playing a complete a-hole in the form of the cigar chomping Comedian. Be interesting to see if the novel is actually adaptable.

News and Notes:

Simpsons! Simpsons! Simpsons! (“Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does.”)

I won’t lie, the new Reaper trailer had me laughing mighty hard. Damn you CW!

Ok, I get that Zemeckis is trying to push the whole CGI as actors thing and no doubt this all looks much better than Polar Express, but I do not understand why they decided to make some of the characters look identical to the voice actors with the lone exception of Beowulf himself. Honestly right now I feel like they did it just so they didn’t have to pay Russell Crowe a ton of money cause the character sure looks like him and not so much like Ray Winstone (who is actually voicing Beowulf).

Until next time:

“You can't kill me for being Krusty the Klown! I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!”

“The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?”

“Uh, actually, my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumbel.”

“The same Barney Gubmel who keeps taking pictures of my sister?”

“Uh, actually, my real name is...uh, think, Krusty, think...Joe Valanchi!”

“The same Joe Valanchi who squeled to the Senate Committee about Organized Crime?”

“Benedict Arnold!”

“The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender the West Point to the hated British?”

D'oh!”

I don't need your sycophantic laughter. I have some on tape.

Mustard: Like a flash in the pan, er…dark.

Emmy time! Look I’m not gonna go crazy in depth about Veronica Mars once again getting screwed. Or the lack of anything Scrubs. Or Rome. Or Studio 60. I’m just going to make a couple of quick points:

1. So Two and a Half Men has become the new comedy that will always be nominated for everything. Seriously, it’s so good it deserved 7 noms? Fine. At least it’s not effing Yes Dear. Strange though how apparently the female cast members have suddenly stepped up their game to take 2 of the supporting actress nods? Guess it was a slow year.
2. Ricky Gervais nominated for Best Actor? Outstanding. Extras NOT nominated for best Comedy? A travesty.
3. Grey’s Anatomy and Heroes nominated for Best Drama ahead of Lost? A f$%#ing joke.
4. 3 Grey’s Anatomy supporting actresses? Be serious.
5. Kiefer Sutherland was apparently nominated for his work in the first 4 hours of 24. Because everything after that was pure crap.
6. They seriously have not one but two awards for hairstyling? Further reducing all respect I have for the Emmys.

And that’s it for the Emmys. Thank you. Come again.

E3 a little underwhelming, no? Nintendo spent their entire conference showing clips of different news shows talking about the Wii. Then they spent a while on Wii Fit which I’m sure will sell a ton of units. But what about everything else? The announced Mario Kari Wii (with online play!) but only showed a short trailer. They almost completely ignored Smash Bros. The only really big info were the dates of Smash (Dec 3) and Mario Galaxy (Nov. 13). Metroid still supposedly coming out the end of Aug. Let’s see.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Really good. I’m getting used to the trimmings of the books that are increasing with each successive movie (as each successive book gained about 200 pages). The cast continue their strong performances. Alan Rickman gets just a smidge more to do than Goblet of Fire. Imelda Staunton and Evanna Lynch were note perfect as Dolores Umbridge and Luna Lovegood. Gary Oldman is excellent in his last role (depending on book 7) as Sirius. Some roles got trimmed to the point where it was almost distracting having as big a name in there. Helena Bonham Carter made an great Belletrix Lestrange but only has 2 real scenes. Not to mention Emma Thompson and David Thewlis came back for about 2 lines a piece. Ah well, it was a really enjoyable movie over all.

News and Notes:

Yes, I have in fact finished reading all 6 Harry Potters. Not too shabby for starting in June.

Bonds is now 2 away. Let’s just get this over with already, shall we?

It’s a little scary that we’re only a little over a month away from ND football starting up again.

Until next time:

“Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.”

“Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?”

“He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. … But not in that order.”

You try finding a job with nothing on your resume but “Fake Ghost Pirate.”

Mustard…knew I left it around here somewhere.

So yeah, been a while since a real update. Ah the joys of summer. But anyways, let’s dive in…

Transformers – “One will stand. One will fall.” Yes, they actually included that line in the movie. Look, I’m coming right out and saying this is a very dumb movie. For the most part it makes little sense. But it’s a fun friggin’ movie all the same. Come on, you have a movie based off a toy line of giant transforming robots. The fact that I enjoyed the hell out of it is a testament to just how much this movie delivers what it promised: explosions and giant machines beating the crap out of each other. The human actors don’t matter for the most part. Sure Shia LaBeof is a likeable enough dork who manages to get a few funny lines in. I still don’t understand why John Tuturro is in the movie but he’s chewing the scenery like Jack Nicholson’s worst nightmare. Jon Voight is just there being Jon Voight. Bay made a brilliant move in bringing back Peter Cullen to voice Optimus Prime because those lines in any other voice just would’ve sound idiotic. In Peter Cullen’s voice it’s just the way Prime talks. And look for a minor cameo by Mr. Tom Lenk (Andrew from Buffy) as Analyst #2. Oh and the voice of Jazz is none other than Eddie, the brother from Family Matters. Who knew? Michael Bay is smart enough to not take this one seriously (see a part in the movie where a character actually says “This is like a 100 times better than Armageddon!”). My only grip is that they really don’t spend a lot of time with the “characters” of the Transformers. A few of the Decepticons literally just show up for the finale (and the uber-product placement Transformers at the end are asinine. Even in a movie like this where everything is product placement.) So go ahead, don’t worry about seeing anything other than sh%# getting blown up, and enjoy yourselves.

With Studio 60 ending I have to admit I’m a little sad to see it go. The last episodes just seemed to be Aaron Sorkin letting loose and not giving a damn since the show wasn’t coming back and I think it made for a much better, more natural flow to the show. Intelligent comedy is a hard thing to come by these days and this show pulled it off well even if it was on it’s soapbox the entire time it was doing so.

Flight of the Conchords – Not sure if it’s brilliant or just stupid. The manager character, Murray, seems little too much of a rip-off of Ricky Gervais’ agent Darren from Extras. But the music has been friggin’ hilarious.

News and Notes:

E3 fast approaches. Though this year it’s a mini-E3 look for some big news to still emerge. Check out the Smash Bros site which is updated daily. Some really cool stuff coming down the line on that game.

Now the Zelda is over I’ve moved on to Super Paper Mario. The first boss was named Fracktail. How could this game not be brilliant? Also on deck: Order of the Phoenix.

Speaking of which, I’m blasting through the first 6 books. I’m 3 chapters into book 5. I’m going to do it by the 21^st. Only 1400 pages left to go!

Rangers picked up Gomez and Drury?!?! Holy $%@&!!! That’s it. If they can’t pull it off with these guys, they’re just not gonna.

Thanks to Erin I have joined the XM revolution. Ok, so maybe not quite a revolution, but being able to listen to the Mets game on the way home from NY made for a much easier trip.

Until next time:

“Matthew, don't take this the wrong way, but I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Did you take it the wrong way?”

“I took it to mean you're gay and you want me.”

Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!

So Twilight Princess has finally been completed. Great (though a tad easy) final battle though I must say, I was a little disappointed with the ending. You’d think a little more would happen. Maybe I’m just spoiled by the Ocarina of Time ending. Overall I feel like the game was a gorgeous game and helluva lot of fun to play but not nearly as hard as OoT. But then maybe I’ve just gotten a lot better at games. I played Link to the Past a few months back and just flew through that game (though it helps that I played it so much I still knew the answers to a lot of the harder puzzles). Anyways, if you still haven’t picked up Zelda yet and you own a Wii, get out there and buy it. It may not upset Ocarina of Time as the best Zelda ever but it’s a phenomenal game nonetheless.

And can someone please tell me why the hell you must be a member of ESPN Insider in order to read any of the articles on their website these days? For God’s sake, you need to be an insider to read a transcript of a Bill Simmons’ chat? This is why I head on over to FoxSports of CBSsportsline for coverage of anything major. At least on those sites I’m not paying for witty commentary on the Sopranos season finale. [Update: they did take the Insider access needed off the Bill Simmons’ chat, but it’s still a ridiculous number of articles closed off for non-Insiders].

Tech advice for you (sorta): If you have an auxiliary jack in your car for an MP3 player, please, for the love of God, don’t drop $18 on a Monster iPod car cable that just plugs into your MP3 player’s headphone jack. Just buy a simple 3.5 mm to 3.5 mm (or 1/8 inch if you don’t like that pesky metric system) cable for a couple bucks at any radio shack, target or electronic store. You will save yourself $15 bucks and get the exact same result. Otherwise you are getting ripped off.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Look, I know you have to make kid friendly movies and whatnot but good gravy. This was like a bad Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Honestly, Dr. Doom might as well be the Shredder. At one point I kid you not the line “Let’s go for a spin.” is taunted as he creates a huge whirlwind. Sure it had a couple of relatively funny lines and despite all my complaints, it was miles better than the first (which still ranks somewhere around Blade Trinity as the worst comic movie ever made… though I’ve yet to see Ghost Rider or Elektra). It’s so sad that the best FF movie is still The Incredibles. Maybe I’m just pissed off that I came for Galactus and all I got was a stupid cloud. It wasn’t even purple.

News and Notes:

If you haven’t read the first arc of Joss Whedon’s Buffy Season 8, you’re missing out. I’m just so sad that at this rate, the man is never coming back to TV or movies.

How great was Entourage’s Season 4 premiere? The last scene with Drama yelling out his one line in the movie had me rolling.

Well at least the Mets can beat the Twins. Seriously, the hell is going on guys? I know we’re completely reliant on our bats, but the past 2 weeks have been ridiculous.

Until next time:

“I'm not moving in with her, Drama, I'm just staying there 'til we leave to shoot the movie.”

“Yeah, and that girl from Silence of The Lambs is just "staying'" in that well.”

This is, I wanna say anomalous, but I'm going to go with weird.

Mustard – now I want the burger to go with it.

So Sarah Silverman’s Paris Hilton jokes while hosting the MTV Movie Awards? Slightly awkward, no? Still at least she had the balls not to pander to the crowd. The pre-show was almost enough to make me not want to see the upcoming Transformers movie. And Pirates 2 winning best movie? Further proof American youth is made up of worthless peons.

Shrek the Third – What happened? Really disappointing. Couldn’t the writers have come up with something a little better than that? Sure it had a couple of funny moments (Gingerbread Man’s life flashing before his eyes was brilliant and Snow White happy animal song suddenly turning into The Immigrant Song was phenomenal) but I feel like it was one gag set piece into another. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of characters squeezed in just for the sake of having them (why bring Seth Rogan and Ian McShane in if you’re only going to give them 3 lines?). Maybe Shrek has just worn out its welcome and its humorous take on pop culture has reached its saturation point. Not looking forward to the impending train wreck of Shrek 4.

Have you seen list of composers for the new Smash Bros game? It’s a freaking Who’s Who of the video game industry. Sure it doesn’t necessarily mean characters from all these games will be in it but it sure gets the mind a-wondering. A Chrono Trigger character? A guy can dream.

News and Notes:

The overused buzz word for this month: Green Technology.

Entourage Season 3 is over…boooo! Entourage Season 4 starts in two weeks…yay!

How bout those Ducks?

You know if Roger Clemens doesn’t hurry things up he’s going to miss the Yankee ship before it completely burns to the ground.

Until next time:

“You ever hear of the theory that if you kill a butterfly in the past, it can drastically alter the present? Well who knows what else we changed.”

“Tonight on the Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney.”

“Oh, he's good.”

“Comedian Dave Chappelle.”

“He's funny, like him.”

“And musician Harry Connick Jr.”

“Wow, what a show.”

“And now, ladies and gentleman, heeeeeeeeeere's Chevy!”

“Oh god Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!”

I think this time I'm actually gonna kill him... Yup, this is the one.

Mustard: Giddy Up.

Wow, in one week we had polar opposites in season finales.

On the completely amazing end: Lost. I’m not just talking about the flash forward switch up (which was pretty damn ballsy on the writers’ part) but the entire episode just fit together to put next season on the must watch list: the other Others coming to the island, the fallout from the battle on the beach, Locke’s confrontation with Jack (and his vision of Walt), Penny having confirmation that Desmond is now on the island. Not to mention the other great moments: Hurley’s van to the rescue, Sawyer “not believing” Tom, and Charlie’s sacrifice. Rest in peace little hobbit. The flash forward only served to give a little confirmation that maybe these crazy writers do have a end game plan.

On the confirmation-that-this-season-was-a-complete-waste: 24. What the frack happened with this show? Everything gets wrapped up in a nice neat happy little package with the lone exception that Jack has decided to let Audrey go? Like we really gave a crap about this all season? Chloe’s pregnant? Originality just flows out of the pores of this show. I honestly think it would’ve been better if I just stopped watching after the bomb went off in Episode 4. Everything since then has just been worthless.

Veronica Mars: The last few episodes put that familiar edge back (Veronica’s revenge on the college dickhead who sent around the video of her and Piz). Another soft cliffhanger finale which would’ve been fine for a season finale but sure not a series. Go eff yourself CW.

So I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 this weekend and saw 3 in theaters. I gotta say, it’s lucky I had someone who was pushing me to go see 3 because Dead Man’s Chest was really really disappointing. From the 20 minutes of unnecessary cannibal shenanigans to the complete dumping on the character of Jack Sparrow (he was the lovable faux-cowardly scoundrel in the first movie. In the second he was just a cowardly douche bag) to the ambiguous romantic troubles of Kiera Knightley’s character (why exactly do we keep hinting at her wanting Sparrow over Will?). Sure the Davey Jones character was an excellent addition, the zombie monkey was hilarious and the last minute reveal of Barbossa was a great twist. But overall I felt almost every minute of the 2 ½ hour running time and didn’t enjoy myself nearly enough to compensate.

So I reluctantly was pushed into going to At World’s End a few days later. What a difference. Did the writers just get hit in the head a few times after the first movie and recovered in time for the third? Honestly, At World’s End fixes all the problem Dead Man’s Chest had and once again feels like the crazy, fun filled adventure the first movie gave us. Jack Sparrow is back to being completely insane and lovable again. The running time is still ridiculously long but you enjoy yourself this time. Sure the plot gets so complex at one point that you stop really trying to figure it out (which helps, because eventually it comes together somewhat coherently by the end) but the fun is back and that’s what matters. Jeffrey Rush’s performance is probably as enjoyable as Johnny Depp’s. The finale is the action packed special effects extravaganza that Spider-man 3 only wishes in it’s dreams it could achieve. The ending is not as perfectly happy as a normal Disney movie (though once again, stay through the credits). And the undead monkey pulls a gun on the parrot. What more do you want? If you loved the first movie and were extremely let down by the second, go see this one. You won’t be disappointed.

News and Notes:

Anaheim vs Ottawa? Not exactly a ratings juggernaut for the NHL. But I’m pulling for Anaheim.

Yankees are currently 14 ½ games out of first. Hahahahahahahaha. Welcome, Roger Clemens, to the pit of despair.

Why didn’t Peter just fly himself away on Heroes? I still don’t get it.

Until next time:

“And Ted, you'll be playing Blonde Doctor, get in character.”

“Ok, falling in love with you, long blond hair. Talking very fast. Talking very fast. Frick! Frick! Ok, I'm ready.”

Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy, he gets me, he went to Cornell, I trust him... Cons: I don't really trust him.

Mustard… me likey.

So NPD just released game console sales data for April and Nintendo has moved to the number 1 and 2 slots with the DS and Wii. What makes this important is that unlike the other consoles, the Wii is not a loss leader for Nintendo. Sony and Microsoft technically lose money on every PS3 and 360 sold and make up for it with software sales. But if no one is buying their consoles, they’re definitely not going to do that. Microsoft isn’t in as bad a position due to their year head start. But Sony is hurting right now (as their last financials revealed). Nintendo in the meanwhile is doing a little jib and singing “Money Money Money”. The key going forward for Nintendo is their software has to be as engaging as Wii Sports was. I may be looking forward to Mario Galaxy and Smash Bros. but the Gamecube sure wasn’t helped out by similar games. People are buying the Wii because it’s innovative as hell and Wii Sports is the best example of that. So Nintendo, I’m begging you, keep coming out with games like this that’ll have more than just the regular Nintendo Fanboy coming back for more.

Oh and for all you idiot “analysts” out there saying that Sony is already done, maybe you should try waiting a little. They don’t have a single killer app game out yet to drive sales. Once they get a couple of those out combined with an absolutely critical price cut (they’d be idiots not to at this point), Sony may just mount a comeback yet. Not saying they absolutely will but it’s definitely too early to call them DOA.

Caught a sneak preview of Knocked Up last night (gotta love living in DC. The drafthouse is just wonderful). As Erin put it, plotwise it’s pretty much Nine Months…only funny. That really sums it up nicely. That and the cast is a hundred time better. In the world of comedy: Paul Rudd > Tom Arnold. Judd Apatow is just a funny funny man and Seth Rogan is going to get a big a bump from this as Steve Carrell did from the 40 Year Old Virgin. He’s just a great lovable loser. Katherine Heigl gets to show a little more acting range than she’s allowed on Grey’s Anatomy. The cast of Undeclared is great as Rogan’s idiot stoner buddies. Alan Tudyk and Kristen Wiig steal the brief amount of screen time their allowed. Rogan and Rudd’s Mushroom-fueled trip through Vegas is going to be a classic in college dorms everywhere.

News and Notes:

GG and Mars are gone and with Lost and 24 (though I’m still on the fence on whether or not I want to give it another chance after this waste of a season) not coming back til mid-season next year, it’s amazing how free my schedule is gonna be next fall.

Shrek the Third not getting a ton of positive reviews so far. Between that and Spider-man 3’s the studios seem to be running out of luck on trilogies. Then again they’re making a ridiculous amount of money so odds are the studios just don’t give a damn.

Who dies on Lost next week? My bet is on Jack. I just think the writers want to do something no one will believe.

Until next time:

“How are you doing?”

“Not too bad, considering I just had a bomb dropped on me.”

“Oh no, that was bigger than a bomb, more like an asteroid about to hit the planet, you know? People running in the streets screaming "Oh my god, it's coming right at us!", and then dudes turning to hot chicks and being all like "Look, we're about to die so can I hit that?", and then the girls like "Hell to the no!", but then she realises, "Oh my god, I'm about to die, so you know what? Yeah you can hit this, but no kissing."”

“That's exactly what it's like!”

Just put the motherfrickin' ring on my motherfrickin' finger! Frick! Frick, frick!

My Musssssssstard…

Spider-man 3: Ok, here’s the deal. I liked the first one. I loved the second one. This one was just sloppy. So much potential that just ends up going nowhere. Honestly, it’s like Sam Raimi, realizing that this was his last Spider-man, couldn’t make up his mind as to what story to tell and therefore put as much in as he could. The end result is that none of them integrated satisfactorily.

The black suit storyline – fine with it amplifying Peter’s already growing ego but when it eventually jumps to Eddie Brock to become Venom (a name never actually mentioned in the movie fyi) it’s suddenly super powerful. Well why didn’t we see this when Peter was wearing it? We’re only told verbally by Peter’s monologue that it’s powerful. The Sandman arc is done fine in that Spider-man needs someone to fight while in the black suit. But they overstep by giving Sandman a sympathetic villain arc which is just adds another plot and never gets resolved. It just ends. The Harry Osborn arc – I get that Raimi has been building this across all 3 movies but it doesn’t really fit in with any of the other storylines. It’s just there so he can finish it. Oh and the Emo Pete thing is ridiculous. Just because he’s “darker” doesn’t mean his haircut has to look like the creepy brother from the Wedding Crashers.

The ending also feels like a tacked on set piece that could’ve come out of a crappy Saturday morning cartoon written by a 5^th grader. Venom and Sandman team up, kidnap Mary Jane and actually taunt Spider-man to “stop us if you can”. No, seriously, this is actually written out on a web. Added to this is a horribly acted newscast just in case you didn’t get it the “gravitas” of the situation. Look, I get that a lot of comic book movies feel the need to put in “wink wink” moments but there are about 25 of them in this movie and they get old quick.

Before I completely turn everyone off seeing this movie (and judging by the opening weekend numbers there are only about 4 of you left), there are some good things. Visually speaking Sam Raimi is still on top of his game. The man just knows how to shoot a pretty looking move with originality and ingenuity in his angles and shots. He’s proven this with the last two movies and it continues here. The next man to step up to the camera for future editions has some big shoes to fill in that department. The actors themselves are good for what little character development the script gives them. JK Simmons should just be given his own movie. However again, there are some returns to the cringe inducing lines that were so prevalent during the first movie. The action pieces are fun and the usual Spider-man fare. The Bruce Campbell cameo is fantastic. I mean easily the funniest cameo he’s had.

In the end you’re gonna see this movie. I personally have no regrets about going to see it. It’s just not the big conclusion to Raimi’s trilogy that I was hoping for (and not just because the final shot is much less fun and heroic than the past 2 movies where Spider-man swings through NY). Now I’ve heard rumors that Raimi was essentially forced to put Venom in this movie (he’s stated multiple times earlier that he didn’t like the character). So maybe his initial movie was going to be tighter and more focused. Sadly we’ll never know. So go see the movie but just be prepared to be ultimately under whelmed and let down.

News and notes:

Damnit, the Rangers are out. Stupid Buffalo.

Elliot and JD again on Scrubs? Really?

Gilmore Girls is headed off into the sunset. Please don’t let the same things happen to Veronica Mars.

Until next time:

“Carla, you're in charge of the guest list. Just make sure that all of my friends are there! Ooh, and Naomi, that bitch from radiology. She's teased me for six years about how she's going to beat me down the aisle. Well she can suck it, her and her fat neck.”

“Invite Fat Neck, got it.”

“If you point out Fat Neck to me I'll keep asking her why she's still single until she cries.”

“Done.”

We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at Threat Level: Midnight.

Mustard like it’s 1999…

So with the release of Spider-man 3 this weekend I’d say it’s time for:

JEFF’S TOP 5 ANTICIPATED FILMS OF SUMMER.

Knocked Up – I’ll admit that I didn’t find The 40 Year Old Virgin to be the funniest movie in the history of all moviekind like everyone else in this world apparently did (at least until Borat came along). But I still think Judd Apatow is a comedic genius dating all the way back to Heavyweights (we don’t count nor do we ever mention the words “Celtic Pride”). Add that to a movie starring Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd (the best parts of Virgin) and Katherine Heigl (what is up with her and unfortunate hookups?) and I’m looking forward to this one.

Ratatouille – Brad Bird and Pixar’s last joint venture was The Incredibles. What more do I have to say?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – I originally was not going to have any sequels on this list but the latest trailers for it have really got me excited for this one. This could be the best one since Prisoner of Azkaban.

The Simpsons Movie – Come on, you really didn’t think this wasn’t gonna be here? I have absolutely no idea if it’s going to be any good but the teasers have been all sorts of brilliance so things are looking up. Now if they just had Conan O’Brian helping them out with the script. I miss the good ol’ days.

And the 5^th slot belongs to… Nothing. I looked through the rest of movies and quite frankly, I just have nothing that really gets me jumping up and down. I’m looking forward to movies such as Spider-man/Shrek/Pirates x3. And I’m intrigued by things like Matthew Vaughn’s Stardust or Zach Braff and Jason Bateman in The Ex. And of course I’ll see Michael Bay’s pièce de résistance, Transformers. But I’m not bouncing up and down excited for any of them. So to make up for the lack of a fifth I give you:

JEFF’S TOP 5 FILMS OF SUMMER THAT PROVE HUMANITY’S PERCH ON THE EDGE OF OBLIVION

DOA: Dead or Alive – It’s a movie based on a martial arts video game notorious for its real physics engines designed around the female characters’ boobs. I shit you not. And it has Kevin Nash.

I Could Never Be Your Woman – Look, I realize that Hollywood won’t stop until it’s named a movie after every song Frank Sinatra ever sang, but when they name a movie after crappy late 90’s Cake-wannabe song, it’s for the studio heads to find something better to do with their time…perhaps jumping out high-rise windows?

I Now Prounouce You Chuck and Larry – A movie about two fire fighters (played by Adam Sandler and Kevin James) who pretend to be gay to get domestic partner benefits. Will Kevin James’ star ever stop rising?

Skinwalkers – IMDB actually lists this as James Isaac’s “followup” to Jason X. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s humanly possible for a movie like Jason X to have a “followup”. Then again I didn’t think it was possible for a movie to rip off Underworld but Skinwalkers has me there too.

Bratz the Movie – Starring Paula Abdul….. I’m just eff-ing speechless.

News and Notes:

Why is it that every time I go to a Mets/Nats game it’s a one run, 5 hit affair? Seriously, the game on Saturday was less than 3 hours long.

Rangers fighting back against those Sabers. They can tie it up tonight.

Wow, Brady Quinn… just painful to watch. Ah well, he’ll end up just fine and now he’s not a quarterback on a horrible team who just gave it’s best receiver to the Pats. Sorry JaMarcus.

24… getting very very sleepy. Course crazy person Audrey is kinda funny.

Drive: Not bad and I’m kind of intrigued. Sadly it’s been canceled and now we’ll never know. Poor Tim Minear. He just can’t win.

Veronica Mars!!! Back tonight!!!

Until next time:

“I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.”

“Yeah? Well I'm calling the "Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline"!”

I saved a life... my own. Am I a hero? I can’t really say, but yes.

Are you frakking kidding me? According the Washington Post, the FCC is now looking to expand their powers to include being able to regulate violence on television including cable. Says FCC Chairman Kevin Martin: “Parents are always the first and last line of defense in protecting their children, but legislation could give parents more tools. I think it would be better if the industry addressed this on its own, but we can also give parents help through regulation.” Yeah, you know what the only tool a parent needs is? The power button on the remote control. It’s a very simple equation: Don’t let your 8 year old son watch 24. Also don’t put a TV in your 8 year old sons bedroom. And finally raise your 8 year old son in such a way where he realizes the difference between fantasy and reality. I know this is a very tough thing to do but if we just put the effort in, perhaps we don’t need the FCC completely overstepping its bounds. But won’t someone please think of the children!?

Alright David Wright, the 26 game hit streak was awesome. Now let’s get that power hitting going again, what do you say? And who would guess that Moises Alou would end up with the 3^rd best batting average in the National League? Mets are in town this weekend. Giggity.

Caught Stranger Than Fiction on DVD. Good, not great. Though the Spoon soundtrack is excellent. The music works amazingly well as a score, even with the lyrics stripped. Was Queen Latifah even needed in the movie? Nothing against her, but her part is relatively minor and truth be told, completely unnecessary to the plot. Just seems strange to put someone as high profile as her in that role.

Also this kicks ass:

News and Notes:

Yeah, I’m so far behind in 24 it’s not even funny.

Beginning to have Veronica Mars withdrawal. Please CW, please pick it up next year.

The sad part about playing Trivial Pursuit is realizing that the only questions I’m good at getting are the music ones. Still damn proud of nailing the Mark Knopler one though. (Also if the term “punk rocker” is used, the answer is Sid Vicious. And if the question asks for a continent, 9 times out of 10 the answer is Antarctica.)

Until next time:

“Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned.”

“Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug.”

“Ok, tell him that’s not true.”

“Dwight says that he actually doesn’t know one single fact about bear attacks.”

“Ok, no, Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run! Jim, tell him!”

“Andy... no it’s too far.”

“Damn you!”

There. No one liked my haircut so now they can all just suck it.

Mustard: it does get a kick out of champagne.

In video game console news, first quarter console sales came out and Nintendo beat the hell out of everyone with over 1 million Wiis sold. This was second only to the Nintendo DS with 1.2 million sold (and yet I don't know a single person who owns a DS). Sony's PS3 is selling piss poorly comparatively with only 500,000 sold. It was outsold by the PS2. Sony, in full damage control/BS mode, has claimed that this is due to supply shortages caused by the European launch. This would be a fine reason if not for the fact that you can walk into almost any electronics store these days and pick up a PS3 easily. Maybe Sony should just admit that they don't have a single game to justify a $600 console. And yes, the PS2 is a great, cheap console with loads of great games. But I don't remember the original XBox schooling the 360 in sales nearly 6 months after its launch.

Rome: could have been one of the best series finales EVER. Honestly, the last name on the written by credits could’ve been Whedon, Minear or Espenson and I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Have you ever tried Diet Mountain Dew? It tastes like the water left behind by the melted ice in a finished margarita. Only without the hint of alcohol that makes you want another.

Um…so where the hell is Prison Break going with this?

Rangers: From not making the playoffs to sweeping the 3^rd seed Thrashers? Why not?

Mets are looking good. Congrats to David Wright for breaking the Mets hit streak at 25 games and counting. Now let’s get some of that power back, what do you say? Also we need desperately to get someone other than Oliver Perez on our rotation. Wherefore art thou Pedro?

Wow, A-Rod isn’t just saying “I told you so” to last year’s detractors. He’s saying “I told you so, now go f#$% yourselves!”. Good for him.

Random week, no?

Until next time:

"God, I can't believe I'm getting my C-Section today."

"Did, uh, did you forget to tell anyone?"

"No, I told the nanny to stay overnight and my mom booked a flight for next week and I'm meeting the O.B. at the hospital in two hours."

"Ah-hem."

"Did I not tell you?"

"You did not."

"I could've sworn I texted you"

Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um, I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Mustard…with a vengeance.

So back from my little vacation to Italy and it was a fun mix of the old and new:

Old: Being an American high school student on a school trip to Italy
New: Wanted to inflict bodily harm on a multitude of American high school students on school trips to Italy.

Old: Going to a café in Rome.
New: Going to a café in Rome and being asked by a woman from Denmark what the current American market for Salmon was.

Old: Having pizza for dinner
New: Mistakenly ordering pizza for both dinner and appetizer (and eating both my shares might I add).

Old: Driving a car up mountain roads.
New: Driving a Fiat Punto up mountain roads while praying to the Almighty that the damn thing wouldn’t break down because the engine sounded like it was about to fall out of the hood.

So yeah, Italy was a helluva time.

So back to business:

Baseball season begins and though it doesn’t come close to making up for last years NLCS, the Mets 3 game sweeps of Cards gave me a little bit satisfaction. Now can their starting pitching survive the rest of the year? Can Pedro come back in July and make an impact? Man I hope so.

Hey people suddenly like A-Rod now that he’s doing well over the first 7 games. Can we please stop talking about the guy? It’s either he’s sucking or he never really sucked, just had a bad year/month/day whatever, time to move on!

Hot Fuzz: caught a sneak preview at the Arlington Drafthouse. See this movie. It’s by the guys who did Shaun of the Dead and it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a really really long time. Also sweet was that Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were onhand to answer questions. Really funny, cool guys despite the scary as all hell fanboys drooling all over themselves to ask questions, shake their hand, get and autograph and just become their bestest friend ever! Some people need lives. Desperately.

News and Notes:

So now the Rangers decide yeah, let’s play and made their way to the 6 spot in the East? Sure, why not?

How frak-tastic was that Nikki and Paulo episode of Lost? And ending that would’ve make Alfred Hitchcock Presents proud. (And yes, they’re dead per Mike Ausiello’s interview with Carlton Cuse).

Entourage made a brilliant return last weekend. The best episode of the year so far.

Until next time:

“Still no invite for me, huh?”

“Not from Vince. But we did receive an evite to Patrick Dempsey's house for running charades.”

And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated.

THIS….IS….MUSTARD!!!

Rant Time: The Today show this morning had a whole segment on people getting scammed on fake designer purses on eBay. No kidding. If you get offered a $20 Kate Spade bag on the street, do you expect it to be authentic? Then why would you expect anything different from a similarly ridiculously discounted bag online? Then they went on about how these devious counterfeiters are actually going and charging prices that are only $10 or so less then a regularly priced bag. If that’s the case why in the hell are you risking being scammed in order to save 10 bucks? Just pony up for the full price and buy it in a store. Then the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard come out of Meredith Vieira’s mouth (and that says a lot): “This is a big problem.” Excuse me? A big problem? The instability and political turmoil in the Middle East is a big problem. Continued human abuse cases throughout the world is a big problem. Fake designer bags are a frakking asinine problem for people who have too much time on their hands. If you need more money for designer purses why don’t you help out that diplomat from Nigeria? He won’t stop emailing me.

Speaking of madness: Notre Dame? Hello? Winthrop? Hey, at least the women’s team knows how to win. And I can still root for the hockey team.

In the most obvious news of the day: In addition to the ongoing steroid “scandal” that has listed such names as Jose Canseco, John Rocker and Evander Holyfield, 11 professional wrestlers are now being investigated. Randy Orton! Kurt Angle! Say it ain’t so! Have you ever seen these people? Or how they disappear for 2 months and suddenly come back having gained 40 pounds of muscle? So what’s next? An in-depth congressional look into WWE match fixing?

News and Notes:

I have all my Elite 8 teams still in! Woo! My wife is still winning the pool! Damnit!

Duke: hahahahahahaha!

Rangers: In/Out/In/Out/In, the hell is going on with this team?

Until next time:

“So, for kicks you read...”

“Feminist trash. You know. Woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal.”

“So, sex books.”

“Pretty much, yeah.”