Show me the way to go home! Everybody! I'm tired and I want to go to bed! Just the women!

L.A. here I come! My flight leaves in a few a hours and holy sweet moly do I need this extended weekend. My brain feels like it’s about to spontaneously combust. And that would hurt.

The NHL is officially back and the schedule has been released for the year. I love how they’re making such a big deal over all 30 teams playing on opening day. Well yeah, they have had a 15 month rest. I think they’ll be good to go opening day. Personally I’m still a little pissed at them. Yeah, I’m gonna be going to the games because it’s hockey and I love the sport. But those ticket prices better be drastically reduced (i.e. next to free) or those stands are going to be really empty. The Rangers come into town to play the Caps on Monday afternoon on Columbus Day. Boo ya. Shame the Sharks aren’t playing here this year, but I’ll be happy with a couple Rangers games.

Quick reviews:

Happy Endings – The latest by Don Roos (Opposite of Sex) is one of those movies I love going to every now and then. It’s a movie that makes you think as opposed to most summer flicks in which thinking usually hurts the movie. The cast is excellent and everyone is giving strong performances but the most surprising standout is Tom Arnold. Now go back and re-read that sentence. Wow. But honestly, he puts in a great performance as widower who is just trying to be a good father while trying to find something to grasp onto in life. His reaction when he finds out that his son (who he has been worried is gay) has a girlfriend is just superb. The thing is that he’s terrified that his son is gay but not because he’s this raging homophobe but rather that he has absolutely no idea how to handle it, he's not sure if he's supposed to act differently. He just have never had to deal with anything like that. Of course he then goes on to develop a relationship with said girlfriend (Maggie Gyllenhaal) who is really just a golddigger looking to score. Steven Coogan also gives a strong performance as part of a gay couple who begin to suspect that a lesbian couple with whom they’re best friends has been lying to them as to the whether one of them is the father of the lesbians’ child. Intersperse this with Coogan’s step-sister, Lisa Kudrow who is being blackmailed into helping an aspiring film maker make his film school entry movie in exchange for the location of the son she gave up for adoption (whom she had with Coogan, in a whole, freaky, ending of Clueless moment) and basically you come up with a movie that sounds so unbelievably out there but ends up making sense and being a solid movie to boot. Yeah, I realize halfway through this review that I just could not even come close to a complete review of this movie without a 20 page long essay diving into the themes and cross-cutting storylines. Suffice to say that if you’re looking for something other than the usual summerfare, check out this movie. By the way Maggie Gyllenhaal does all her own singing in the movie and she’s ridiculously good.

Music you should be listening to:

Coldplay – X & Y

Yes, I do think that Coldplay is often overhyped. But this is a solid album, particularly the 2^nd half. Yes, I do get annoyed (as I’m sure Coldplay does) that they’re constantly being referred to as the next U2. There are some similiarities and several of the songs on here showcase Edge-esque guitar riffs (particularly on White Shadows and Talk). But Coldplay is their own band and I think it’s unfair to judge an artist solely by comparison to another. Plus the fact that when I heard this album referred to as Coldplay’s Joshua Tree I really wanted to hit the reviewer. It’s good, but come on, Joshua Tree is one of the best albums of the past 25 years. Ok, anyways, Chris Martin’s vocals continue to be the front and center act here which he’s got a good set of pipes on him, so I’m not complaining. Speed of Sound is the big single but also try Swallowed by the Sea with its simple, yet effective worldplay and A Message with its low key acoustic guitar and Fix You which is the Scientist of this album.

Old 97’s – Too Far to Care

With more of a country slant to it than their poppier Fight Songs, this album probably won’t appeal to everyone but if you can appreciate the Alternative/Americana fusion beat, you’ll find some good tunes for hanging around to. Rhett Miller just has a great ability to write fun, catchy lyrics and you’ll find some great examples on that with Timebomb, Melt Show and Big Brown Eyes.

Alright, until next time:

“Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.”

”Oh no Peter! How could they do that?”

”Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg The Bunny.”

”Is there no hope?”

”Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.”

And remember, every time you support a canceled Fox show, somewhere a network executive loses his wings.

Hola cabrones, and welcome back to another edition o' the Mustard.

The above quote is attribute to an excellent article on the show Firefly which I've raved about before in the blog. Sci-Fi is showing the whole series IN PROPER ORDER starting this Friday. I highly recommend you check it out (just TiVo if you need to go out. It'll be good hangover watching Saturday morning). For the rest of the article click here.

We’re officially into the crazy part of summer. Speaking of crazy, heading out to L.A. next weekend. And my God have mercy on my soul.

So I’ll just right into it cause I have a bunch of things I want to get to.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:

Last Friday at 12:45, I walked into Barnes and Noble and picked up Harry Potter. I woke up at 10:30 the next morning and started reading. I finished up at about 9:00 that night. That’s a whole lotta reading. So to start off with, the book is the high quality, completely engrossing tale I’ve come to expect from J.K. Rowling. It is so easy to completely lose yourself in the world of Harry. But even while maintaining that sense of whimsy, Rowling is still playing hardball. She’s not pulling and punches and I mean that literally cause by the end of the book you feel like you just got punched in the gut. It’s easily the harshest ending of any of the books and she continues to show that Joss Whedon-like ability to kill off anybody. I’m not complaining because I’m completely and utterly intrigued as to where she’s going from here. I mean at this point everything is up for grabs. While it frees her up to do whatever she wants with this last book, it leaves the reader hating the fact that they have to wait at least another 2 years before the final book comes out. Oh and for those wondering, Harry’s not a total whiney little pissant this year! Yay! His character in the 5^th book just made me want to hurt him. Damn angst-ridden teenagers. So get ready folks cause this series is winding down and I don’t think anyone knows where it’s gonna end up. Thank God for that.

I’m invisio-texting a few thoughts of mine as to HUGE SPOILER material but I want to mention. So only highlight the below if you’ve already read the book.

Ok, RAB I’m convinced is Regulus Black, Sirius’ brother who was murdered by Voldemort after trying to leave the deatheaters. It makes sense and I think is a great idea on Rowling’s part.

I don’t think we know all there is to know about Snape and his murder of Dumbledore. I don’t care how weak he was, Dumbledore could’ve taken the Deatheaters. Especially as at first it was only Malfoy. You’re telling me between Dumbledore and Harry they couldn’t have taken 4 Deatheaters blindly walking through a door? Also I refuse to believe that Snape’s betrayal is that simple. He just fooled Dumbledore for 15 years? That’s it? Come on! Dumbledore may want to believe in the good of people but he’s not an idiot. He saw through Tom Riddle during his rise to power and there’s no way he would’ve just been simply taken in by Snape. Plus Rowling doesn’t write things that simple. She wrote the 2^nd Chapter of the book showing Snape explaining everything to the Deatheaters and you’re telling me that that’s it? She showed us Snape’s evil right away and it just is that simple? Rowling’s a better writer than that and that’s why I’m so excited for the last book. That’s when we’ll find out the whole truth.

END SPOILER

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:

Finally! Charlie’s a good kid who doesn’t screw up! Thank you! That’s the main reason I don’t like the Gene Wilder version as much as everyone else. I hate that Charlie ends up being just as bad as the rest of them. “Oh, but he apologized!” Well, yeah, cause he got a chance to! How do you know Violet wouldn’t have said she was sorry if she ever got a chance to see Wonka after being de-juiced or Agustus might have repented his ways if he hadn’t been sucked up a pipe into the fudge room. So don’t give me that crap that Charlie was sorry. He was just as irresponsible as the others. Ok, sorry, that’s just bugged the hell out of me for a long time. So this version: fantastical. Freddy Highmore is so unbelievably perfect as Charlie, Tim Burton should get down on his knees and thank whatever higher power he believes in for his casting in Finding Neverland opposite Johnny Depp. Charlie’s grandparents have much better personalities in this version which are played for some great laughs. David Kelly as Grandpa Joe in particular is perfect. He looks older and more decrepit than the previous Grandpa Joe but he has that whimsical gleam in his eye that’s found in the books. The other children are also done well. The updating of Mike Teevee from TV western obsessed to video game/technology obsessed I think was necessary as cowboys aren’t quite so in today. And yes Johnny Depp as Wonka. While I don’t like the older movie, I did enjoy Gene Wilder’s performance (up until he goes postal on Charlie which was just so far out of Wonka’s character it still makes me cringe). Depp goes in an entirely different direction and yet it’s still a great performance. And while I hate to mention this because so much has been made of it already, he is not bloody channeling Michael eff-ing Jackson in this movie! Christ, can’t these critics leave current pop-culture out of their reviews for once!!! Ok, yes, he speaks in a strange voice. So does Kermit the Frog. “Well, he invites children to come into his playground factory”. Yeah, he does, but he doesn’t want to. Here’s the thing: Depp’s Wonka doesn’t like children. Hell, he doesn’t like people in general. When Violet introduces herself, Wonka responds “I don’t care.” He’s bringing in kids so that he can find someone to take over for himself when he’s gone. But he’s not happy about getting older. He’s not happy about being forced into human contact again. He’s socially inept as is seen when he doesn’t know how to continue a conversation so he takes some notecards and starts reading from them. His transformation from social recluse to accepting people back into his life is one of the best parts of the movie. So just accept the fact that this is Depp's own creation and move on, will you? Anyways, the Oompa Loompas are great. They’re all played by the actor Deep Roy and they’re just freaky, exactly as they should be. Love the songs this time. No oompa-loompa-gobbidy-goo. These songs are straight from the book. Danny Elfman is having fun here with his music. He hasn’t done this quality of work since Nightmare Before Christmas. The only qualm about the movie is the ending is changed (actually really just extended) a little in order to bring closure to Wonka’s childhood subplot involving his dentist father (played by Christopher Lee who is seriously having the best time of his career these days). I personally didn’t have a problem with it but I know some people will say, oh no, deviation from the book! All in all, I much prefer this version and I thank Tim Burton for giving a great book a truly faithful adaptation.

Ok, I also need to review the new Don Roos movie, Happy Endings but I’ll save that til next time as this has gone on long enough.

Until next time:

"Hey, is the Count a vampire?"
"What's that?"
"Well, he's got these big fangs. Have they, have they ever shown him doin' somebody in and then feedin' on 'em?"
"You're... you're asking me if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance."
"Yeah."
"No. They've never done that."

I'M ON A RAMPAGE

And they call it the Mustard.

Welcome back seniors y senioritas to my blog which I thought was cool but now Booter’s off and started up another. 2 blogs, man? Where do you get all this time from? Says the man who wastes countless hour on a web strip. Speaking of which…

EPISODE V is up and running! Yay! See that wasn’t too long and I know it was rough but it was worth it.

So we’ve reach the mid season and the Mets aren’t statistically eliminated yet. Rock on! I’m a little lower on Nationals fever ever since a Nats fans at the game again the Mets last week flipped me off and told me to go do something anatomically impossible just because I was wearing a Mets hat. But he looked like an intelligent and socially viable human being so I’m sure he’ll turn out with a great life and very few STDs.

So the Emmy Noms came out. Normally this would be the part where I’d go off about Will & Grace getting a nomination over Scrubs except this year: SCRUBS GETS NOMINATED!!!!!! Boo ya! Zach Braff also picked up a nod for comedy actor. Holy crap, it’s like I died and went to heaven but God decided it wasn’t my time yet and instead gave the academy a brain. Garden State probably helped a lot towards those.

Will & Grace: IT’S NOT FUNNY PEOPLE! STOP NOMINATING IT! YOU’RE ONLY ENCOURAGING THEM MORE! 15 BLEEP-ING NOMINATIONS!?!? I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE!!!

Let’s break the main categories down quick:

Best Drama: Deadwood – awesome

Lost – easily should win.

24 – OK, I like the show but let’s face it, it’s not exactly high concept drama. I mean I like Michael Bay and John Woo action flicks but I wouldn’t nominate them for an Oscar.

The West Wing – why? I don’t pretend to watch the show but I thought this had just been steadily going down hill for year? Let me guess, this is the typical academy repeat vote where if it’s been in the category before, it has to stay until the show goes off the air no matter the quality of the show *cough* Frasier *cough* Will & Grace *cough*

Six Feet Under – Haven’t watched since season one.

Drama Actor – Hank Azaria – didn’t watch

Hugh Laurie – only caught a couple episodes. He amused me but the show didn’t

Ian McShane – Please please please let him win. This is guy who is such an evil SOB but he does it so well you love him. The foulest mouth imaginable and just damn hilarious.

Jame Spader – re…..peat

Keifer Sutherland – deja…..vu

Drama Actress - I’ll cut to the chase here, I really didn’t watch any off these show but I like Mariska Hargitay from past years and she’ll probably win so hurrah.

Drama Sup. Actor – Naveen Andrews and Terry O’Quinn from Lost both deserve it. Hell, both supporting categories should have been all Lost cast. Locke rules, give it to him!

Drama Sup. Actress – Again, no shows I watch. Sandra Oh? My how Sideways has helped her.

Best Comedy: Arrested Development – hey, maybe they’ll now keep it a 4^th year!

Desperate Housewives – I don’t watch, a lot of people do. Probably will win unless…

Everybody Loves Raymond – Last season often generates the farewell win. But I didn’t work last year for Frasier so no guarantee this year

Scrubs – It has no chance of winning but damn, it’s about eff-ing time it got recognized!

Will & Grace – oh just die already!

Actor Comedy: Jason Bateman – the best comedic foil around

Zach Braff – “I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.” Oh man, he’ll never win but this has to be sweet for him.

Eric McCormick – a parody of his original character

Ray Romano – Farewell vote…

Tony Shaloub – So happy I discovered Monk. “I have this terrible fear of the womb.”

Actress Comedy – All Desperate Housewives with the noticeable exception of Eva Longeria. Interesting. Patrica Heaton - Farewell… Jane Kaczmarek – Repeat nom (though Malcolm was a whole lot funnier this year than in the past).

Sup. Actor Comedy – Peter Boyle and Brad Garrett – so long, farewell, etc. Sean Hayes – a parody of a human being. Jeremy Piven – heard good things and he’s a great actor. Jeffrey Tambor – easily easily should win. But won’t. Damn academy.

Sup. Actress Comedy – Two and a Half Men? The hell? Megan Mullally – Fran Drescher is less annoying. Doris Roberts – did Raymond miss anybody? Jessica Walter – Fantastic in Arrested Development

Also a funny thing I saw: Scrubs is nominated for Multi-Camera Picture Editing for the episode “My Life in Four Cameras”. That episode was the Scrubs send up of the traditional way a sitcom is shot. Amazingly that even by mocking, they still do it better then most normal sitcoms.

Alright, that’s my quick Emmy input.

News and notes:

Shout out to Booter for the visit yesterday.

Shout out to Crowley cause it’s Crowley and we miss him.

The NHL season is back on. Now to find out how many people still care…

Bobby Abreau hits lots of homeruns and the HR Derby, while sucking in the new “international” format, is still fun to watch.

Until next time:

Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!