It's the nerdiness in life you treasure

-xkcd

When life gives you lemons, just say 'F&%@ the lemons' and bail ... aka my Summer Movie Preview

Mustard: Like the Incredible Hulk without Ang Lee.

Iron Man:
I still can't believe Jon Favreau cast Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. Is there anyone enjoying a better resurgence in his career right now? He's suddenly the new Johnny Depp (and if you don't think Johnny Depp had a slump in his career you haven't seen The Ninth Gate or the Astronaut's Wife). In addition to Downey, it's got Terrence Howard, Jeffrey Lebowski, Stan Winston doing the practical effects plus the guy Sayid killed on last week's Lost. I mean even Gwyneth Paltrow can't annoy the hell out me in this movie, can she? Right? Maybe?

Wall*E:
It's a cruel twist of life that I've seen both Rush Hour 3 and Smoking Aces but I've yet to see Ratatouille. Hopefully this will be rectified soon. But I am excited for any new Pixar flick that may or may not have ripped off it's main character's design from Short Circuit. Yes Virginia, Johnny Five is alive.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:
It's Indiana Frakkin' Jones. I wouldn't't care if Harrison Ford used a walker the entire movie. I don't care that George Lucas lost all story writing credibility with Episodes 1-3. It's directed by Spielberg. It has Cate Blanchett, Ray Winstone, and a freakishly unaged Karen Allen. Let's just hope there's some face melting left in. I'm still traumatized by the heart rip from Temple of Doom.

The Dark Knight:
Sure, the death of Heath Ledger is going to make this a little eerie but after the disappointment of Superman Returns and the outright cancellation of Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman (Damn you Warner Bros!), it's time for DC to get a major quality movie back out there. Who knows? We might not even miss Katie Holmes (read: we won't miss Katie Holmes).

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
The first Hellboy was a wonderful movie and anyone who doesn't agree is just plain wrong. Guillermo Del Toro has a few more Oscar statuettes to prove his case as a quality storyteller and I'm looking forward to Ron Perlman being back in the red makeup. And then we move on the The Hobbit. Giggity.

The final slot is a two way split: Get Smart and Pineapple Express. The Mel Brooks created Get Smart was quite possibly my favorite TV show when I was young. Don Adams was a comedic genius. So Steve Carell stepping into the shoes is just a dream (I could've made a shoe phone joke there but I'm sure someone already has beaten that joke to death so let's just move on, shall we?). Alan Arkin as the Chief and General Zod as Siegfried are also perfect casting. But the trailer? Not so great. I'm just worried the script and directing are going to turn this into Steve Martin's The Pink Panther. And then I will cry. Pineapple Express on the other hand had a great trailer (which may have unduly influenced me with it's use of M.I.A.'s Paper Planes) and Ed Begley Jr. The latest from Mr. Apatow's clique could be a brilliant stoner comedy or could be dumb as Steve Martin's The Pink Panther. Time will tell.

P.S. Speaking of the Apatow clique, go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Freaking hilarious.

Until next time:

"There's only one cure for pain like that."

"What?"

"Weed. Ya got any?"

"No."

"Well then let's just go surfing!"

This is the type of Monday morning it was

This conversation came up in relation to the Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker theme party these people http://www.dasbecca.com/ threw for their 5 year old.

See the absurd and yet awesome detail they put into it:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dasbecca/2443797209/in/set-72157604730591124/

Jeff: Someday when I have a kid, I can only hope to compete with this party.

Erin: Jeff, I will never hand-stitch deku people or make a Zelda pinata. Or make bird people costumes. Or give 5 year olds swords. Did you guys see the Hero cake though? Yeah, I'm not making that either.

Jeff: Honey, I’m not saying you have to hand-stitch deku people or make a Zelda piñata. That’s just silly. You don’t even play Zelda games. So what we’ll need to do is make a little Kirby costume for the baby and give him a baseball bat. Crowley, you can be Wario but you take those whacks like a man and no running over my kid with a motorcycle, do you hear me?

Crowley: Alright, no motorcycle, but I reserve the right to use the rest of his stuff... including the garlic powered superheroism and the down-and-B attack. If the kid hits me with a bat, he's ASKING for a return volley of flatulence.

Jeff: You hear that hon? Crowley's going to fart on our baby.

Erin: I'd expect him to do that even if he wasn't Wario.

Crowley: Remember, there were stipulations there. Only if the kid hits me with the bat. Or tries to swallow me or cook me in a pot. You know, whatever. Hell, even if it drops on me like a rock from twenty feet up. I'm going to leave my options open.

Of course this got me thinking that we must have a Smash Bros party complete with smash ball pinata and bean bag pikmin.

If it couldn't be Peter Jackson...

Guillermo Del Toro! Yes!!!

Guillermo del Toro to direct 'Hobbit'

Please let Ron Perlman be the voice of Smaug. Please let Ron Perlman be the voice of Smaug. Please let Ron Perlman be the voice of Smaug.

Twitter remains a mystery to me

I just keep laughing every time I read it:

-penny arcade

Merciful Grand Galactic Inquisitor, This Can't Come Soon Enough

GO TEAM VENTURE!!!

I just don't see what wrong with having a nice glass of wine with a pancake.

Mustard: Mahalo version.

So just back from a nice trip to Oahu where I did indeed managed to get up on the surf board. I have the pictures to prove it:





Can someone tell me what's going on with airline services? I realize that airlines are trying to cut down on costs but when you're only giving me one mini-bag of pretzels and The Devil Wears Prada for a 6 hour flight, that's pretty pathetic. Speaking of terrible in-flight movies:

Rush Hour 3 - A thousand monkeys typing on a thousand typewriters would scream and throw their poo at the screen if ever forced to watch this worthless waste of celluloid. I now retroactively hate X3 even more after seeing this latest abomination of Brett Ratner.

The Golden Compass - I consider myself a pretty intuitive guy when it comes to movies. And I can watch a disjointed movie and usually find myself accepting convoluted or even gapping holes in logic. But even after wikipedi-ing the source material for this movie, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Not to mention Nicole Kidman doesn't speak in a normal voice the entire movie. She whispers every single line she has like she's just awestruck to be acting opposite a CG monkey. And I like Freddy Highmore. In general he's one of the few child actors who doesn't either outright suck at acting or who doesn't overcompensate by chewing the scenery Broadway style. But he just is terrible in the voice over role. Maybe it's due to recording his lines alone in a studio but he never seems to be conversing in the same tone as the real actors he's supposed to be talking to.

News and Notes:

Finally watched 3:10 to Yuma. What is up with Alan Tudyk always being killed after a funny one liner?

Baseball season is back. C'mon Mets, let's get those bats going. And stop having your pitchers getting injured.

Summer movie season is almost upon us. Stay tuned for the summer movie preview. Coming soon to a Mustard near you.

Until next time:

"It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords man, there's always only two of them."

"Did you just Star Wars us?"