Tis the Season to Be Merry. Well That's My Name. No Sh-

Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noël! Booter ist ein Wanker!

Welcome to the Christmas edition of the Mustard. Or Chrismukkah if you’re one of those O.C. watchers. That’s only the 2nd time I’ve watched the show this year (it’s after November sweeps, all my shows are in repeats) and I will say I was amused by it. The main problem I have with the show is that it’s got a great sense of humor but it just pulls out too many soap opera twists. I think it could be a really good show if it would just add some more originality with its story arcs (i.e.: stop having everyone ending up being related to everyone else). But then I guess that’s the state of today’s TV when even Rory Gilmore is losing her virginity to a married man (geez, is this the 2nd week in a row I’m referencing the Gilmore Girls? I need to go find my manhood around here somewhere).

Also I was corrected last week when I said NBC didn't roll out any new sitcoms as it did in fact roll out Joey. Not that it makes any difference to what I said but still, I do admit my mistakes.

Heading on up north in a few days to spend some quality holiday time with the family. Can’t wait, though I never knew it was possible to hate shopping this much. I swear there have been multiple times these past few weeks where I was fully convinced of my ability to take a human life. But now is that really the Christmas spirit?

A huge huge HUGE congratulations to my lovely fiancée on her new job. She’s leaving the political world behind and leaping head first into the world of publishing. I’m proud of her. Now all I need to do is figure out how to get paid for creating online comic strips and we’ll be all set.

Top 5 Christmas Movies:

1. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation - Yeah, this was a tough call. How many times a year between November 1st and January 31st do I watch this? The number would frighten you. Never has a movie had so many quotable lines (“Can’t see the line, can ya Russ?”), not to mention the absolute best rant in movie history when Chevy Chase goes off about his boss. Add to it the fact that this movie has a special place in my heart for being part of the best Christmas decorating party I’ve ever had and you’ve got a winner.

2. A Christmas Story – “You’ll poke your eye out, kid!” If Christmas Vacation is the most quotable holiday movie, this would be #2. Oh Ralphie, someday you’ll get the hang of that official Red Ryder Carbon Action 200 shot range model air rifle, oooh.

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas – The animated one, not the Ron Howard one where Jim Carrey looks like the Care Bear from hell. Boris Karloff’s narration is possibly the greatest narration of any movie ever. When that Grinch’s heart grows three sizes too big, you know you’re all cheering. And finally four words: Best… Theme Song… Ever!

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas – It’s the Peanuts gang and Christmas. How can you go wrong? Unless you’re Charlie Brown. Before the gang fixes it up, that Christmas tree looks more pathetic than mine, and that says a lot. Good times, my friends, good times.

5. It’s a Wonderful Life – Whoa whoa whoa! Chevy Chase beats out Jimmy Stewart!? Snoopy beats out Clarence the angel? This movie was the AFI’s 11th best movie of all time for crying out loud and it’s getting beat by one involving a cat getting electrocuted by tree lights? Hey, this is my top 5 list and yep, that’s how it works. I’m not saying Christmas Vacation is a better movie than It’s a Wonderful Life. But I watch Vacation multiple times during these 3 months. I’ve gone years without watching Wonderful Life. That said, this is the quintessential wonderful-restore-your-faith-in-humanity Christmas movie. In a cynical world like ours (which I am fully guilty of propagating), it’s sometimes good to have a straight-laced good-hearted movie to fall back on.

Special Mention: The Nightmare Before Christmas – I don’t know if this is really a Christmas movie or a Halloween movie but either way it’s one of the most messed up, twisted movies ever conceived of by mankind. God bless you Tim Burton! Now don’t screw up Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

That's all for now folks. So if I don’t talk to you beforehand, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. And to all a good night:

“As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.”
”Outrageous! How dare he say such blasphemy! I've got to do something.”
”Bob, there's nothing you can do.”
”Oh, well, I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humor.”

Purple Monkey Dishwasher

Ladies ladies ladies! The Mustard is in the hiz-ouse! I’ve been getting pretty bad about the weekly Monday updates recently, haven’t I? Well I spent this Monday getting sick so as fun as that was I figured I’d push back the update a few days.

After a whole lot of time and effort that I really should have been putting to better use but didn’t cause this was more fun, Episode II of the strip if finally done. Wow, I actually completed two full episodes, I’m so proud. Yes, again I’m going to be taking some time off again before I start up the third one (and yes, I do have a general storyline arc for 6 full episodes). I’d probably look for it to start up again after the holidays. But in the meantime you can hold yourself over by reading both Episodes here.

Great times were definitely had this weekend as I was Mr. Socialite with parties Friday and Saturday. And based on the amount of alcohol consumed on Saturday night, that might explain Monday a little bit. But props to Lauren for a great party Saturday night and to my apartment complex for the free party on Friday. If only they hadn’t covered up the shuffleboard table for the food!

The Mets have Pedro! Now if he can just stay healthy. Wow, so you’re the “other” New York baseball team who, in the vein of all New York teams, have the highest payroll in your league, however unlike the Yankees, you’ve been god awful for the past 4 years. In the past you’ve made some of the worst contract decisions in the history of the game by signing big price players who don’t even come close to earning their keep. The Mets better pray to God that Pedro breaks that tradition.

The NHL: still not playing and better yet, no one really cares. Honest to God the players and the owners seriously don’t seem to realize that if the keep this up the league is just gonna fold due to no one caring about hockey anymore and then they won’t even need a Collective Bargaining agreement. Only another year or so til the next Olympics right?

Well as fall sweeps are over and the recent Golden Globe awards have come out showing just how astute they are in they’re TV show nominations (seriously, why in the hell is Will & Grace still nominated for everything? It was good for like 2 years and now simply riding those 2 years for as far as it can go.), I figured I’d give my mid-season impressions thus far:

Best Drama: Lost - the first new show in years that I actually can’t predict exactly what’s gonna happen. They do a great job of juggling a huge cast of characters and actually keeping things interesting.

Close Second place: Gilmore Girls gets in here cause it’s one of those half way shows which is hysterical half the time and dead serious the other. But the writing is still great and they actually referenced Buffy the other week so I have to mention this one.

Best Comedy: Scrubs – like you didn’t know! Oh, come on it’s a fantastic show people, now watch it! Actually it’s impressive that in this day and age Scrubs is one of the few half-hour comedies that continues to survive the reality wave. I mean think about it, NBC didn’t even debut a new sitcom this year. The only other one they really run is Will & Grace (see above). CBS’s Monday night and ABC’s Fridays are pointless as no one really watches them. So it’s all the more impressive that Scrubs got picked up for another 3 years. Also funniest line of the year when Dr. Cox explains about the incident involving his toddler son and a rum cake.

Honorable mentions:

Arrested Development – it’s second season looks to be even better written and wittier than the first. But due to the Fox delayed fall schedule it’s only had a couple episodes so far and therefore too soon to call it the best comedy.

The Venture Brothers – if you are one of those Cartoon Network Adult Swim junkies who enjoys Futurama, Family Guy and the demented Indie cartoons like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021 and Harvey Birdman, then you know how good this send-up of Johnny Quest is. So demented yet so damn funny, you just have to appreciate a show with a power-mad super-villain called the “Monarch” who dresses himself and his henchmen like butterflies.

Biggest surprise of the year: Veronica Mars – it’s been so many years since I’ve watched anything on UPN, I forgot they were still on. But this is actually an excellent show with witty, smart writing and a sense of humor that reminds me a lot of the Joss Whedon shows of the past (Buffy/Angel).

That’s all for now people. Until next time keep on dancing to the rock and rock on Saturday night, Saturday night.

The Only Meyer You'll Be Seeing in South Bend is Oscar

Yes, I realize the Oscar one is spelled Mayer but it's a pun people!

Well my apologies to all as it has taken a little longer than I expected to get up a new post. I had half of one ready to go for last week but I never got around to finishing it and since then it’s grown dated. But hey, now there’s just so much more news to comment on.

Alright, let’s get the monkey out of the way right off the bat: The Firing of Ty. I do not in any way agree with this decision. I think it’s total dick of Notre Dame to do this to him. I mean Christ, Gerry F-ing Faust got 5 years! Do I think this is a racial thing? No. I think this is Notre Dame never really wanting Ty to begin with (cause God knows George O’'Leary worked out great for them) and suddenly they saw they could get Urban Meyer. Oops. Trust me, I laughed like hell when Meyer chose Florida. Why wouldn'’t he? Notre Dame showed they have no loyalty to their coaches with the firing of Ty. People will say, well they'’re just doing what’'s best for the team. Call me crazy, didn'’t we have a winning record this year? Didn'’t we upset two of the best teams in the nation? Yeah, we had some embarrassing losses. But you know what? The difference between winning and losing most of those games were two decent cornerbacks to give us some pass coverage. How many times did they give up 3^rd and long? BC beat us with a last minute 40 yard pass to the end zone, Pittsburgh beat us by throwing a 20 yard pass on 3^rd and long. The Irish simply sucked at covering those receivers. But no, giving Ty an off-season to boost those positions wasn'’t good enough for the Notre Dame alumni who are still under the delusion that it’s the 1940’'s and Notre Dame is still the perennial powerhouse who went to National Championships every year and that all it’'s going to take is a simple coaching change to get them there. Hate to burst their bubble but the Irish aren'’t suddenly going to become amazing again because they screwed over Ty. They seem to be under the impression that it shouldn’t take more 3 years to turn around a program that has decayed to a mere shadow of its former self. But that’'s just me. Maybe I'’m wrong and ND will make a sudden miraculous return from the dead. But if that’'s the plan, they better start adding more masses to the Basilica'’s schedule.

In Major League Baseball news I gotta say I’'m excited for the upcoming season as this will be the first time ever that I’'ve been living in a city with a MLB team. Naturally in order to get everyone around here as excited as possible, they had to come up with the inanely boring name the “Nationals”. Who thought giving a team the nickname of the “"Nats"” would be a good idea? Do you realize how many dumbass puns we’re going to have to hear now involving swatting, squishing, exterminating, etc from the sports writers who don’t seem to realize that just because you can come up with a pun doesn'’t mean it'’s necessary to use it. In addition to that the team logo is terrible. I mean it’s just so generic it could honestly be an all-star or league logo. However, aside from a marketing team that should be fired, I’m still excited to be hitting up some games. Rumors are circulating that the Mets are now trying to pick up Pedro Martinez. God, that would just make my day and lead to an endless amount of taunting on my end towards my Red Sox amigos.

Update on the current NHL Season: They’'re still not playing.

Quick review:

U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb.

The new U2 album is very reminiscent of their last one. Safe to say if you liked All That You Can’t Leave Behind, you'’ll want to get this one. The first single off it, Vertigo, is completely misleading so if you didn’'t like it, don’t worry, there’s really nothing else on the album like it. Sometimes You Can'’t Make It On Your Own is going to be the Stuck in a Moment of this album so expect to love the song the first 25 times you hear it on the radio and then curse radio for managing to kill any halfway decent song by playing it 10 times an hour. All Because of You is their next single after Vertigo runs its course. It'’s definitely a throw back to their earlier sound like Where the Streets Have No Name or Mysterious Ways. And as all U2 albums seem to end with the spiritual or "God" song, this one is no different with Yahweh. It's actually one of their better ones, being much more upbeat. I’'ve heard somewhere that this was supposed to be Edge’'s album but you really don’'t notice anything different. He still gets his high-powered guitar solos but to me it didn'’t sound any more prevalent than other albums. Some of the songs work better than others but in the end it'’s a good if not a groundbreaking U2 album. Then again a good U2 album is better than 99.5% of the drivel currently being put out these days by so called “"rock"” bands (I'’m looking squarely in your direction Simple Plan, Nickelback, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park, etc etc etc).

Alright crazy hombres, until next time:

"I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. He came in peace, and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was... E.T., the extraterrestrial."