And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated.

THIS….IS….MUSTARD!!!

Rant Time: The Today show this morning had a whole segment on people getting scammed on fake designer purses on eBay. No kidding. If you get offered a $20 Kate Spade bag on the street, do you expect it to be authentic? Then why would you expect anything different from a similarly ridiculously discounted bag online? Then they went on about how these devious counterfeiters are actually going and charging prices that are only $10 or so less then a regularly priced bag. If that’s the case why in the hell are you risking being scammed in order to save 10 bucks? Just pony up for the full price and buy it in a store. Then the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard come out of Meredith Vieira’s mouth (and that says a lot): “This is a big problem.” Excuse me? A big problem? The instability and political turmoil in the Middle East is a big problem. Continued human abuse cases throughout the world is a big problem. Fake designer bags are a frakking asinine problem for people who have too much time on their hands. If you need more money for designer purses why don’t you help out that diplomat from Nigeria? He won’t stop emailing me.

Speaking of madness: Notre Dame? Hello? Winthrop? Hey, at least the women’s team knows how to win. And I can still root for the hockey team.

In the most obvious news of the day: In addition to the ongoing steroid “scandal” that has listed such names as Jose Canseco, John Rocker and Evander Holyfield, 11 professional wrestlers are now being investigated. Randy Orton! Kurt Angle! Say it ain’t so! Have you ever seen these people? Or how they disappear for 2 months and suddenly come back having gained 40 pounds of muscle? So what’s next? An in-depth congressional look into WWE match fixing?

News and Notes:

I have all my Elite 8 teams still in! Woo! My wife is still winning the pool! Damnit!

Duke: hahahahahahaha!

Rangers: In/Out/In/Out/In, the hell is going on with this team?

Until next time:

“So, for kicks you read...”

“Feminist trash. You know. Woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal.”

“So, sex books.”

“Pretty much, yeah.”