Good Job MLB

Eff You Major League Baseball

You got$650 million dollars from XM radio to broadcast on their service but won't let them do it through their web based service? I'm already paying XM and you money grubbing douchebags want me to pay an additional $15 to stream the audio to my computer? What other nickel and diming can you come up with? Why don't you try to copyright names and facts? Oh, wait, you already tried that!

SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!

Eff-ing Eli Manning just won the Super Bowl. Hahahahahaha!

Stop or I'll kick you in the testicles!

It's been a while since the Mustard updated, but the historic collapse of the New York Mets down the homestretch sent me into a week long bender in Vegas. And no, the early exit from the playoffs of the Yankees has done nothing to staunch the steady stream of expletives pouring forth my mouth everytime the "amazin-s" are mentioned. We shall speak no more of them.

Holy Our Mother of the Lake! The Irish actually won a game! Against UCLA no less! It's a St. Patrick's Day miracle. No, I don't care to hear about the wretched play of the Bruins 3rd string QB. It's not my fault that we Carson Palmer-ed Ben Olson. I'm taking my win and hugging it tight. I've got some Eagles coming up on the horizon and am already dreading the thought of yet another year of my sister's victorious jabs.

Are Reaper and Chuck the same show? And who would win in a fight? Adam Baldwin or Ray Wise? I mean on one hand you've got a badass who fought Reavers and almost saved Data from Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin's super-intelligent aliens who have never heard of a firewall. On the other you've got a guy who ran someone over with a Zamboni and feeds nuts to squirrels. Just too close to call.

Speaking of which Chuck is suffering from a main character who wants to desperately to be Seth Cohen, I'm amazed they haven't accidentally put Adam Brody in the closing credits instead of Zachary Levi.

I'm enjoying Dirty, Sexy Money but let's face it, these are not the Bluths. And yes, I get that it's more "serious" show but come on, you might as well start the show with "And now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one surrogate son who had no choice but to keep them all together". Damn you Fox!

$43 million. Will you stop giving money to the studios to make Resident Evil movies? You're only encouraging them! Go see the Darjeeling Limited and get some culture, you jackasses. And yes, I did just learn how to pronounce Darjeeling.

News and Notes:

I've realized that my TV week is anchored by Bones right now. I love the show but when it's reached pole position, I think there's something missing in the lineup.

Pushing Daises has whimsy and wonder not to mention a steady stream of dialog to make a Sherman-Palladino jealous. Now let's see them keep it up.

Eric Bana is playing the nemesis (No pun intended. No seriously forget that movie ever happened, I'm begging you) in the upcoming JJ Abrams Star Trek. You got to hand to him, Abrams can cast like no other.

Until next time:

"Sounds like you're a narcoleptic."

"I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?"

"What's the other one?"

"Necrophiliac."

"Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head."

"Me too. I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food... I don't think that anymore."

I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic.

Mustard: Who are you to say no?

So after long speculation and rumor, Spiral Frog has finally launched. For those of you who don’t know, Spiral Frog offers free DRM’d music downloads supported by advertising on the site. What makes it different than your usual “free” download site is that this site is actually backed by Universal Music Group so it has legitimately big artists available. Eschewing those, I gave it a try and was able to download and play with very little effort an old Phantom Planet album. However, ever since then I haven’t been able to access any other less than super popular groups on the site such as Kaiser Chiefs, Rogue Wave or (strangely enough considering it’s current radio airplay) the new Rooney album. I’ll chalk it up to the service only being a day or two old, but I’ll hold off on any real opinion until I can access all albums freely.

Rick Gervais nominated for an Emmy? Excellent. Ricky Gervais winning an Emmy? Outstanding. Ricky Gervais not being at the Emmys so presenters Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert give it to Steve Carrell? Priceless.

What the %^$# is up the Mets? Do they just not want to make the playoffs? They get swept by the Phils at home and now they get theirs asses handed to them by the Nats. The frakking Nats!? A team whose best hitter is Wily Mo freaking Pena!? Hang you head in shame “Amazins” and get your act together! As of the time of this writing the Nats have managed to pull at 4 run comeback and are sitting on top of the Mets, 8-7 and I swear to God the Nats' announcers actually seem sorry for the Mets at this point.

News and Notes:

Smash Bros has wi-fi without absolutely needing friend codes! And it has personalized taunts against those with friend codes! Giggity.

So I’ve never been a big Halo fan (no Xbox and all) but if the video making the rounds is really the ending of Halo 3… Bungie you have some juevos grandes.

Jim Broadbent as Rufus Scrimgeour in Harry Potter 6? I like it a lot.

Yes, I did expect Notre Dame to be bad this year. But what in the hell was that against Michigan? I thought they were supposed to improve after the Penn State game.

Until next time:

"And, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray adjacent."

"Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"

"Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all."

Business is like a jungle. And I am like a tiger. And Dwight is like a monkey that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick.

Mustard: Able to leap tall building in a single bound.

(trivia note: Did you know that Superman originally could not fly, just jump very far? The more you know…)

Football season is in the air. Ok, so it’s been in the air for a week now, but it’s in the air nonetheless. The Colts began their title defense in strong fashion last night by beating the ever-loving tar out of the Saints. Good gravy did Drew Brees look like he just didn’t care anymore by the end. And Jason David was starting to look like Wile E. Coyote with how badly those Colt receivers were blowing by him.

Sadly the Irish did not begin their year in so happy a fashion. The QB musical chairs routine reeked of uncharacteristic Weiss desperation and now that he’s been put in, there’s no way Clausen is coming out short of total meltdown. Hope he’s up to it cause this is not going to be a happy football year for Domers. On the positive side, we’re not Michigan. Hahahaha. So long, farewell to those title dreams.

Why must Apple tease me so? All I wanted was a wide-screen iPod. I don’t give a rats behind about all those iPhone features. But when they finally announce one, the iPod Touch, it only has 16 freakin’ GB of storage. I don’t care that it’s flash memory! Give me at least more than the 20 GB I currently have on my iPod “classic”! I want to be able to fit my music AND my movies on there. Damn you Steve Jobs!

News and Notes:

The fact that the Rock is starring in The Game Plan, which might give The Pacifier a run for it’s money in “action star attempting to grab a quick paycheck” territory, just makes me pray that Southland Tales ends up being a good movie.

“This is ouuuuuuuuuuuuur country!” Oh sweet merciful crap can we kill this song? I’m begging here.

Strahan back with Giants… good thing. Tom Coughlin still coaching the Giants… not so good.

Pedro’s back! And throwing a mighty fine game too even if it was just against the Reds.

Until next time:

“Listen up everybody, I'd like to make an announcement. Christmas is canceled.”

“You can't cancel a holiday.”

“Give it up Stanley or you'll lose New Years.”

“What does that mean?”

“Jim, take New Years away from Stanley.”

Stop, in the name of American prudishness!

Mustard: With great power comes great responsibility… and a Spider-Pig.

The Simpsons Movie – Can’t help but feel a little let down after seeing it. Don’t get me wrong, it still had some hysterical bits in it. The opening church scene had some classic Simpsons in there and of course Ralph Wiggum (“I like men now.”). But maybe it’s just that after having become disillusioned with the show over it’s past few years to the point where I doubt I saw even half of last season, I had some hopes that they were gonna give us a reminder of the greatest of the show from way back when. And while there are a few of those moments, they sadly only push forward the fact that those days are really gone, probably for good. In one of the movie’s best moments Marge has a monologue directed towards Homer which eerily echoes the Simpsons fans feelings toward their one time favorite show. It’s a sentimental moment which once upon a time were a vital part of the best episodes of the show, getting the viewer to not only laugh with the zany antics of the cast, but also get emotionally attached and care about the Simpsons family. Unfortunately the past few years has been hard pressed to find a genuine moment when you could actually understand why in the hell Marge hadn’t dumped Homer years ago. In the end this movie was definitely better than any episode over the past few years, but at the same time cannot live up to the hype of nearly 20 years of buildup.

So Rob Thomas is now a consulting producer to Big Shots? If you haven’t seen the previews for the new ABC show, imagine a desperate attempt to create a “Sex in the City” for men. Did no one else really want Michael Vartan? Rob Thomas is going to have his hands full turn this thing around.

Brady Quinn finally signs with the Browns. As much as I like the guy, he doesn’t come out of this one looking so great. And before people jump on me about “well, he was just looking for incentives for playing time” it doesn’t matter. He’s missed 2 weeks of training camp with the team and with the Browns needing a legit quarterback, he was in great position to pull an Eli Manning and get in there to be immediately groomed for the starting position. Now he’s got all kinds of goodwill to make up.

News and Notes:

I still can’t really say whether or not the show itself is all that great, but I damn sure want the soundtrack to the Flight of the Conchords whenever it comes out. The songs are nothing short of brilliant.

Bonds hit 756! They hype can now slowly start to die! Can I get an Amen?

Does Mark Texiera joining the surging Braves make me a little nervous? Maybe…

Until next time:

“You've gone mad with power!”

“Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!”

We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at Threat Level: Midnight.

Mustard like it’s 1999…

So with the release of Spider-man 3 this weekend I’d say it’s time for:

JEFF’S TOP 5 ANTICIPATED FILMS OF SUMMER.

Knocked Up – I’ll admit that I didn’t find The 40 Year Old Virgin to be the funniest movie in the history of all moviekind like everyone else in this world apparently did (at least until Borat came along). But I still think Judd Apatow is a comedic genius dating all the way back to Heavyweights (we don’t count nor do we ever mention the words “Celtic Pride”). Add that to a movie starring Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd (the best parts of Virgin) and Katherine Heigl (what is up with her and unfortunate hookups?) and I’m looking forward to this one.

Ratatouille – Brad Bird and Pixar’s last joint venture was The Incredibles. What more do I have to say?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – I originally was not going to have any sequels on this list but the latest trailers for it have really got me excited for this one. This could be the best one since Prisoner of Azkaban.

The Simpsons Movie – Come on, you really didn’t think this wasn’t gonna be here? I have absolutely no idea if it’s going to be any good but the teasers have been all sorts of brilliance so things are looking up. Now if they just had Conan O’Brian helping them out with the script. I miss the good ol’ days.

And the 5^th slot belongs to… Nothing. I looked through the rest of movies and quite frankly, I just have nothing that really gets me jumping up and down. I’m looking forward to movies such as Spider-man/Shrek/Pirates x3. And I’m intrigued by things like Matthew Vaughn’s Stardust or Zach Braff and Jason Bateman in The Ex. And of course I’ll see Michael Bay’s pièce de résistance, Transformers. But I’m not bouncing up and down excited for any of them. So to make up for the lack of a fifth I give you:

JEFF’S TOP 5 FILMS OF SUMMER THAT PROVE HUMANITY’S PERCH ON THE EDGE OF OBLIVION

DOA: Dead or Alive – It’s a movie based on a martial arts video game notorious for its real physics engines designed around the female characters’ boobs. I shit you not. And it has Kevin Nash.

I Could Never Be Your Woman – Look, I realize that Hollywood won’t stop until it’s named a movie after every song Frank Sinatra ever sang, but when they name a movie after crappy late 90’s Cake-wannabe song, it’s for the studio heads to find something better to do with their time…perhaps jumping out high-rise windows?

I Now Prounouce You Chuck and Larry – A movie about two fire fighters (played by Adam Sandler and Kevin James) who pretend to be gay to get domestic partner benefits. Will Kevin James’ star ever stop rising?

Skinwalkers – IMDB actually lists this as James Isaac’s “followup” to Jason X. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s humanly possible for a movie like Jason X to have a “followup”. Then again I didn’t think it was possible for a movie to rip off Underworld but Skinwalkers has me there too.

Bratz the Movie – Starring Paula Abdul….. I’m just eff-ing speechless.

News and Notes:

Why is it that every time I go to a Mets/Nats game it’s a one run, 5 hit affair? Seriously, the game on Saturday was less than 3 hours long.

Rangers fighting back against those Sabers. They can tie it up tonight.

Wow, Brady Quinn… just painful to watch. Ah well, he’ll end up just fine and now he’s not a quarterback on a horrible team who just gave it’s best receiver to the Pats. Sorry JaMarcus.

24… getting very very sleepy. Course crazy person Audrey is kinda funny.

Drive: Not bad and I’m kind of intrigued. Sadly it’s been canceled and now we’ll never know. Poor Tim Minear. He just can’t win.

Veronica Mars!!! Back tonight!!!

Until next time:

“I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.”

“Yeah? Well I'm calling the "Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline"!”

I saved a life... my own. Am I a hero? I can’t really say, but yes.

Are you frakking kidding me? According the Washington Post, the FCC is now looking to expand their powers to include being able to regulate violence on television including cable. Says FCC Chairman Kevin Martin: “Parents are always the first and last line of defense in protecting their children, but legislation could give parents more tools. I think it would be better if the industry addressed this on its own, but we can also give parents help through regulation.” Yeah, you know what the only tool a parent needs is? The power button on the remote control. It’s a very simple equation: Don’t let your 8 year old son watch 24. Also don’t put a TV in your 8 year old sons bedroom. And finally raise your 8 year old son in such a way where he realizes the difference between fantasy and reality. I know this is a very tough thing to do but if we just put the effort in, perhaps we don’t need the FCC completely overstepping its bounds. But won’t someone please think of the children!?

Alright David Wright, the 26 game hit streak was awesome. Now let’s get that power hitting going again, what do you say? And who would guess that Moises Alou would end up with the 3^rd best batting average in the National League? Mets are in town this weekend. Giggity.

Caught Stranger Than Fiction on DVD. Good, not great. Though the Spoon soundtrack is excellent. The music works amazingly well as a score, even with the lyrics stripped. Was Queen Latifah even needed in the movie? Nothing against her, but her part is relatively minor and truth be told, completely unnecessary to the plot. Just seems strange to put someone as high profile as her in that role.

Also this kicks ass:

News and Notes:

Yeah, I’m so far behind in 24 it’s not even funny.

Beginning to have Veronica Mars withdrawal. Please CW, please pick it up next year.

The sad part about playing Trivial Pursuit is realizing that the only questions I’m good at getting are the music ones. Still damn proud of nailing the Mark Knopler one though. (Also if the term “punk rocker” is used, the answer is Sid Vicious. And if the question asks for a continent, 9 times out of 10 the answer is Antarctica.)

Until next time:

“Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned.”

“Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug.”

“Ok, tell him that’s not true.”

“Dwight says that he actually doesn’t know one single fact about bear attacks.”

“Ok, no, Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run! Jim, tell him!”

“Andy... no it’s too far.”

“Damn you!”

There. No one liked my haircut so now they can all just suck it.

Mustard: it does get a kick out of champagne.

In video game console news, first quarter console sales came out and Nintendo beat the hell out of everyone with over 1 million Wiis sold. This was second only to the Nintendo DS with 1.2 million sold (and yet I don't know a single person who owns a DS). Sony's PS3 is selling piss poorly comparatively with only 500,000 sold. It was outsold by the PS2. Sony, in full damage control/BS mode, has claimed that this is due to supply shortages caused by the European launch. This would be a fine reason if not for the fact that you can walk into almost any electronics store these days and pick up a PS3 easily. Maybe Sony should just admit that they don't have a single game to justify a $600 console. And yes, the PS2 is a great, cheap console with loads of great games. But I don't remember the original XBox schooling the 360 in sales nearly 6 months after its launch.

Rome: could have been one of the best series finales EVER. Honestly, the last name on the written by credits could’ve been Whedon, Minear or Espenson and I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Have you ever tried Diet Mountain Dew? It tastes like the water left behind by the melted ice in a finished margarita. Only without the hint of alcohol that makes you want another.

Um…so where the hell is Prison Break going with this?

Rangers: From not making the playoffs to sweeping the 3^rd seed Thrashers? Why not?

Mets are looking good. Congrats to David Wright for breaking the Mets hit streak at 25 games and counting. Now let’s get some of that power back, what do you say? Also we need desperately to get someone other than Oliver Perez on our rotation. Wherefore art thou Pedro?

Wow, A-Rod isn’t just saying “I told you so” to last year’s detractors. He’s saying “I told you so, now go f#$% yourselves!”. Good for him.

Random week, no?

Until next time:

"God, I can't believe I'm getting my C-Section today."

"Did, uh, did you forget to tell anyone?"

"No, I told the nanny to stay overnight and my mom booked a flight for next week and I'm meeting the O.B. at the hospital in two hours."

"Ah-hem."

"Did I not tell you?"

"You did not."

"I could've sworn I texted you"

Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um, I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Mustard…with a vengeance.

So back from my little vacation to Italy and it was a fun mix of the old and new:

Old: Being an American high school student on a school trip to Italy
New: Wanted to inflict bodily harm on a multitude of American high school students on school trips to Italy.

Old: Going to a café in Rome.
New: Going to a café in Rome and being asked by a woman from Denmark what the current American market for Salmon was.

Old: Having pizza for dinner
New: Mistakenly ordering pizza for both dinner and appetizer (and eating both my shares might I add).

Old: Driving a car up mountain roads.
New: Driving a Fiat Punto up mountain roads while praying to the Almighty that the damn thing wouldn’t break down because the engine sounded like it was about to fall out of the hood.

So yeah, Italy was a helluva time.

So back to business:

Baseball season begins and though it doesn’t come close to making up for last years NLCS, the Mets 3 game sweeps of Cards gave me a little bit satisfaction. Now can their starting pitching survive the rest of the year? Can Pedro come back in July and make an impact? Man I hope so.

Hey people suddenly like A-Rod now that he’s doing well over the first 7 games. Can we please stop talking about the guy? It’s either he’s sucking or he never really sucked, just had a bad year/month/day whatever, time to move on!

Hot Fuzz: caught a sneak preview at the Arlington Drafthouse. See this movie. It’s by the guys who did Shaun of the Dead and it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a really really long time. Also sweet was that Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were onhand to answer questions. Really funny, cool guys despite the scary as all hell fanboys drooling all over themselves to ask questions, shake their hand, get and autograph and just become their bestest friend ever! Some people need lives. Desperately.

News and Notes:

So now the Rangers decide yeah, let’s play and made their way to the 6 spot in the East? Sure, why not?

How frak-tastic was that Nikki and Paulo episode of Lost? And ending that would’ve make Alfred Hitchcock Presents proud. (And yes, they’re dead per Mike Ausiello’s interview with Carlton Cuse).

Entourage made a brilliant return last weekend. The best episode of the year so far.

Until next time:

“Still no invite for me, huh?”

“Not from Vince. But we did receive an evite to Patrick Dempsey's house for running charades.”

And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated.

THIS….IS….MUSTARD!!!

Rant Time: The Today show this morning had a whole segment on people getting scammed on fake designer purses on eBay. No kidding. If you get offered a $20 Kate Spade bag on the street, do you expect it to be authentic? Then why would you expect anything different from a similarly ridiculously discounted bag online? Then they went on about how these devious counterfeiters are actually going and charging prices that are only $10 or so less then a regularly priced bag. If that’s the case why in the hell are you risking being scammed in order to save 10 bucks? Just pony up for the full price and buy it in a store. Then the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard come out of Meredith Vieira’s mouth (and that says a lot): “This is a big problem.” Excuse me? A big problem? The instability and political turmoil in the Middle East is a big problem. Continued human abuse cases throughout the world is a big problem. Fake designer bags are a frakking asinine problem for people who have too much time on their hands. If you need more money for designer purses why don’t you help out that diplomat from Nigeria? He won’t stop emailing me.

Speaking of madness: Notre Dame? Hello? Winthrop? Hey, at least the women’s team knows how to win. And I can still root for the hockey team.

In the most obvious news of the day: In addition to the ongoing steroid “scandal” that has listed such names as Jose Canseco, John Rocker and Evander Holyfield, 11 professional wrestlers are now being investigated. Randy Orton! Kurt Angle! Say it ain’t so! Have you ever seen these people? Or how they disappear for 2 months and suddenly come back having gained 40 pounds of muscle? So what’s next? An in-depth congressional look into WWE match fixing?

News and Notes:

I have all my Elite 8 teams still in! Woo! My wife is still winning the pool! Damnit!

Duke: hahahahahahaha!

Rangers: In/Out/In/Out/In, the hell is going on with this team?

Until next time:

“So, for kicks you read...”

“Feminist trash. You know. Woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal.”

“So, sex books.”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that’s why so many other people in my class were kids…self-fulfilling prophecy.

Mustard: It’s still here.

So this update has just been forever in coming, hasn’t it? Anyways onto…

MADNESS!!! Of the March persuasion that is. Look I agree that Syracuse probably got a bum deal. But it’s just pathetic of a coach to bitch and moan about it because in the end if they had played better basketball they wouldn’t have had to worry about falling off the bubble. They’re in the ridiculously good Big East which already gets a ton of teams in so when you only win 22 games and get bounced in round 2 of the conference tourney, don’t expect to be a lock to make the tournament.

I still need to fill out the bracket but can the Irish beat Oregon in Rd. 2? Hmmmmm…

Oh and someone PLEASE, for all that is good and holy, stop showing pictures of Joakim Noah. I can’t knock his basketball ability but holy crap, this could be the ugliest man alive. And it’s not just the sweaty, basketball playing look. I’ve see him in person at the airport. He is that ugly. Someone give the man a razor or at least wax his upper lip. He’s the got the ugly mustache-like growth of a 6^th grader whose parents haven’t bought him an electric razor yet.

Ok, this is ridiculous, Tony Almeida gets shot in the neck and is able to make a full recovery by the end of the day. Morris gets a power drill bored into his back multiple times and just a few hours later is completely up and running with no signs of pain whatsoever. President Logan gets stabbed in the shoulder with a fruit paring knife and is at death’s door? Come on 24! I can suspend disbelief just fine but at least let’s keep it consistent.

So my latest movies: Zodiac and 300.

Zodiac is one of those movies like the Aviator. I really enjoyed it, it was a bit too long as it seemed the director couldn’t cut anything out, and had good strong performances. It’s not Fincher’s best by a long shot but it’s still a good movie.

I don’t understand a lot of these negative reviews of the 300. It’s a great movie for what it is and that is primarily an accurate conversion of a graphic novel to screen. It’s all about the visuals. People keep ripping on the plot being thin. Well no shit, the plot is supposed to incredibly simple: King Leonidas of Sparta leads 300 soldiers to hold off an invasion by the innumerable Persian army. The movie has a lot more dialogue than its source material. The look of the movie is outstanding. It’s visceral, stylized and innovative. My only knocks on the movie are that some of the scenes added to movie from Miller’s original work seem a little weak. And in one scene, for absolutely no reason, the film’s composer pulls a Scorpion King and just out of nowhere inserts a sequence of cheesy 90’s power chords that just left me wondering “where the hell did that come from”? I still have my doubts that anyone can pull off a successful Watchmen movie, but at least Snyder has earned himself a go at it.

News and Notes:

While most people are looking at College Hoops right now, hats off to the Notre Dame hockey team, finishing up the year ranked #1 in the country. Now on to the Frozen Four!

Are people really looking forward that much to a Grey’s Anatomy spinoff? Really?

I’m terrified of what the Mets pitching rotation is going to look like this year. They better hope their bats actually manage to improve (which is actually a distinct possibility).

Do I pick Kansas to go the distance? Decisions, decisions…

Until next time:

“Yeah, I don't see what's insane about not wanting spiders to lay eggs in my corn flakes. That's how Carla's mom died.”

“No it wasn't!”

“You're supposed to be my best friend!”

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.

Dear Grammys:

This will be the last time we ever speak.

Go f$%# yourselves.

Most Sincerely,

Jeff

If you get a chance, read the Boondocks. Man that little kid hates honkies!

Mustard: Just bringing it.

And the Colts take it home. I’m so happy that I don’t have hear the Manning/Marino comparison anymore, I could cry a little. And it’s not like the Prince halftime show was bad, it’s just that who cares anymore? They need to do something different to get people to do anything other than pay marginal attention to an overblown musical production featuring artists that most people don’t care all that much about anymore. And no, throwing multiple artists up there doesn’t make it any better.

Joss Whedon is off Wonder Woman. I’ve got mixed emotions here. Yeah, it sucks that the guy spent 2 years writing the script, finally getting something down and then being told the studio didn’t like it. But on the other hand, Whedon is spread too damn thin as it is. He’s currently writing the best comic on the market in Astonishing X-men to the point where I will actually buy it when it comes out in full trade. He’s overseeing the Buffy “Season 8” comic that launches soon. And he’s taking over writing duties on Runaways this spring as well as the new horror flick Goners he’s writing and directing. And to be fair, Wonder Woman is not the amazing movie character people are making it out to be. It peaked with a campy late 70’s Linda Carter version and the character has pretty much languished in the 25 years afterwards. It’s a Golden Age of Comics character that hasn’t reached the iconic nature that’s kept Superman alive, nor been reinvented and evolved to fit into the modern day like Batman. I’ve no doubt Whedon could’ve put an interesting spin on the character and if anything it hurts that he lost a major studio picture but in the long run I don’t think it’s going to be a huge loss for anyone. Cept maybe Warners.

Speaking of which apparently Goyer is off The Flash now? I’m a big fan of Goyer’s writing if not his directing (despite certain peoples’ arguments, I thought the 3^rd Blade was pretty damn bad. Of course it didn’t help that Wesley Snipes was phoning it in from some place very far away). Add this to the new (and probably overblown) rumor that Joel Schumaker is looking to direct a Sandman movie and Warner apparently have lost their freaking minds. They do realize that the super-grossing James Cameron Aquaman was a fake movie right? They don’t actually have a ton of comic-based hits.

And no I still haven’t forgiven Akiva Goldsman for Batman & Robin.

News and Notes:

Wow, Steve Jobs making a statement on his blog today about DRM. Effing-A Steve.

Studio 60 we hardly knew ye. Apparently NBC is shelving it after sweeps. It’ll return now in April though this can’t possibly be a good sign for a Season 2.

I’ve yet to have someone over who doesn’t enjoy the bajeezus out of Wii Sports.

Until next time:

“Mr. Franklin, do you have a girlfriend?”

“I have a lovely wife, Deborah.”

“But don’t you have girlfriends in Paris? Like, a lot of them?”

“Ah, well, that is a gray area of my life.”

It all started, with a penny in the door. There was a hatred, I had never felt before.

I want Mustard!

I can’t tell you how happy I am to not have to see a Bears/Pats Superbowl. What a Pats/Colts game, eh? I still can’t believe it didn’t come down to a Vinateri field goal as time expired but I’ll take the last minute drive by Manning.

TV is starting to rev back up after the winter hiatus. HBO in particular has been busy with Rome back for its final season and it’s lost none of the violence. Ricky Gervais’ Extras is also back and it’s first two episode featured an Orlando Bloom displaying a whole lot of jealous animosity toward Johnny Depp (“Willy Wonka? Johnny Wanker!”) and one of the funniest scenes on TV this year with David Bowie being inspired for an impromptu song by Gervais’ depressing feelings of selling out.

Oh and to the CW: F%#$ YOU! Are you freaking kidding me? You’re cutting Veronica Mars’ season short and putting an 8 week gap after sweeps to put on “Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll”?!?! I hope whoever green lit this worthless waste of time and money comes down with a scorching case of herpes, I really do. Ricky Bobby is putting that voodoo on you.

But you know what? If they don’t renew either Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls for next year, I’ll finally be able to not worry about tuning into the CW.

News and Notes:

How great was that Scrubs episode? The only downside is that I think “Guy Love” was the best song and I had already seen it. Still was pretty damn funny.

This is a little old but: Joss Whedon is directing an episode of the Office this year. I’m so happy. The episode should be airing sometime next month. (Also look for an episode directed by J.J. Abrams. Man, everyone wants a piece of the Office these days).

New Shins this week!

Adios Tuna.

Until next time:

“You've seen Star Trek: The Next Generation have you?”

“I haven't no.”

“Why your wife won't let you have it on, is it?”

“I'm not married.”

“Oh, your girlfriend then?”

“I haven't got a girlfriend, I live alone.”

“You're not married, you haven't got a girlfriend and you never watch Star Trek?”

“No.”

“Good lord."