I SAID CONSUMMATE V'S! CONSUMMATE!!!

Happy new week you cheese eatin’ surrender monkeys. I’m back with the weekly (sometimes) update of the Mustard. I’m currently recovering from… nothing. Whoa! It’s a miracle! For the first time in I don’t know how long I am not spending Monday recovering from a crazy weekend. Yes folks, this weekend I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I could have hoped it would be. Tremendous!

The NCAA football season is over and this year we actually have a National Champion. Yes, Auburn fans will cry a different story and you know what, they probably have a point that they should’ve gotten a shot at USC. But until college administrators throughout the land grow up and force the BCS to institute a playoff (but that’s not as profitable as a series of bowl games!) then this is what we got. And USC proved that it was the tops by blowing away Oklahoma. If Auburn wanted to make an argument, it should’ve been louder than a 16-13 win over Va Tech. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good win, but barely beating out a team that USC beat pretty soundly doesn’t make an impression on the minds of the voters. Yes it sucks that just because you started the year at #3 in the polls, you lost out. But you know what? USC got screwed last year much worse than you did and what did they do? They shrugged it off and rolled through an undefeated season to capture their championship. Ah well, I’m still pulling for you next year. You’ve got the #2 spot pretty much locked up in the preseason polls. Now just do it again and you’ve got your title.

Well seeing as how my Giants made the 2^nd half of the season look as horrible as their first half was good, I needed to pick a new team to get behind for this playoff season. I almost went with the Eagles cause why not? Yeah, T.O. can be jackass but he backs it up and doesn’t pull a Sammy Sosa, walking off the field before the end of the game (cough Randy Moss cough). But instead I decided to go from one Manning to another, and get behind the Colts. Why? One, if the Colts make it to the Super Bowl, they’ll have earned it (having to go through the Pats and probably Steelers). If the Eagles don’t make it to the Super Bowl…that’s just sad. And second, I’d just like see Manning get his win in the big one and cap his Marino-beating season by doing what Marino never did. So what the hell, go Colts!

Mets went out and got Carlos Beltran. Well I like this a lot more than Pedro. At least Beltran is young and will bring some good hitting and defense to the team, something they sorely need. Not crazy about the monstrous size and length of contract but if he stays healthy and keeps producing then the Mets may have finally landed the big one they need. If nothing else, it’s another thing to get excited about when they come into town to play the Nationals (it’s still a crappy name).

Wow, so went into a major sports rant for three paragraphs. Didn’t know I had it in me. Anyways, on to some reviews:

Ocean’s Twelve – Yeah, I caught this before Christmas but I figured I’d chime in with my two cents. This movie is just there for the fun of it. Plots holes, good lord, why even bother? But then this movie is all about the interactions between the characters. And they do a surprisingly good job at balancing out scenes of the ensemble so you don’t even realize how little some of them are on screen until the movie is over. I mean Bernie Mac has maybe 5 minutes of screen time but they’re put in there just right so it almost seems like he’s in the whole movie. Really, even George Clooney doesn’t have as much time as you’d think considering his character is the namesake of the movie. The “breakout” star here is Matt Damon. He just plays the befuddled doofus so well. His Linus is just trying so hard to be a major player. The problem is he doesn’t understand half of what’s going on. Catherine Zeta Jones does an good job of melding in with the superstar cast but I wasn’t wowed by her. Vincent Cassels does a much better job, playing the smug thief the ‘Night Fox’ and really being a great foil to Clooney and Pitt. Overall I’d say this is a good movie for a rental or if you’re up for a fun blow away movie, I don’t think you’ll regret paying theater price for it. There’s a hilarious bit involving Julia Roberts’ character’s resemblance to a famous actress and another totally random cameo that’s worth the price of admission alone.

Spanglish – Caught this movie over the weekend and liked it. Honestly, the performances it in make it a better movie than it probably should be. Tea Leoni might be trying to force a comeback (is a comeback if they really didn’t do much to begin with?) with her excellent portrayal of a self-indulgent house wife who just doesn’t get it when she screws up (which is often) and blames everyone but herself. Adam Sandler… you know I wish he’d make up his mind. I love the old school Adam Sandler screwball comedies. Then he goes and does roles like Punch Drunk Love and here in Spanglish and you’re just left sitting there going wow, he’s a phenomenal actor. It’s the old Jim Carrey switcheroo. He just is amazing at playing these vulnerable nice guys who you feel so sorry for whenever they get dumped on (which he does in spades in this movie). Paz Vega (no, it’s not Penelope Cruz, trust me even I got confused for a bit) does a great job in a difficult part where for the good majority of the movie she doesn’t speak English and yet conveys what she’s saying perfectly to the audience. The best performance of all may go to young Sarah Steele who plays Sandler and Leoni’s daughter. She does a great job of showing us how much of her father’s daughter she is by being a smart, mature girl who is trying to get through the insecurities forced upon her by her mother who is obsessed over making her “perfect”. The look on her face going from joy and excitement when her mother shows up with new clothes for her to pained and humiliated when it turns out all the clothes are purposely too small in order to encourage her to lose weight is just heartbreaking. And I did appreciate that for once it’s not the perfect Hollywood ending (I can only imagine how many times the studio tried to get write/director James L. Brooks to change the ending to a nice simple happily ever after one). All in all a good movie and one made much much better by the performances.

Quick Album Reviews:

The Killers – Hot Fuss: The Killers have been all over the radio the past few months with their hits “Somebody Told Me” and “Mr. Brightside”. The problem is these are really their best songs. The album isn’t bad but with those two songs being the catchiest and placed at the beginning of the album, it slows down the second half the album.

The Postal Service – Give Up: Yes, I know this album technically came out in 2003 but back then I wasn’t listening to much indie stuff. The Postal Service is a collaboration between Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard and Jimmy Tamborello from Dntel (I’ve never heard Dntel but Death Cab for Cutie’s Transatlanticism is a fantastic album which I also highly recommend. Don’t let the rather grim name of the band fool you, it’s surprisingly mellow). I’m sure you at one point or another have heard the single “Such Great Heights” which is just a great song. Well this whole album is great. Yes, it has an electronica slant to it but no more than say Radiohead’s forays into electronica. Trust me, you’re not getting Paul Oakenfold or the Matrix soundtrack here. I’ve pretty much head the album in the cd player since I got it, it’s just phenomenal. The opening track “The District Sleep Alone Tonight” is the perfect opening track, catchy, slow building, with some great hooks and the album only gets better from there. From “Such Great Heights” to “Nothing Better” to “Clark Gable” this album just flows seamlessly. I haven’t enjoyed an album this much since I picked up the Garden State soundtrack (which actually has a cover of “Such Great Heights” done by Iron & Wine. It’s pretty interesting to compare the two as the shift in tone makes them almost two completely different songs). So just get the album already.

Ok, well this was one long blog entry. Guess that’ll balance out the short one from last week. Alright all, until next time beware Trogdor burning the THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!!