Mmmmmm............Something

Welcome to another edition of They Got the Mustard Out where the bored come to kill valuable time that could otherwise be used doing useful things.... like playing video games and watching TV. But if you read it with a smile on your face, you can make other people think you're up to no good. Which let's face it, you probably are.

Anyways...... things going well in the final days of summer. I will be taking a small detour next weekend up north where I will be spending my days sitting on the dock of a lake surrounded by mountains and watching the sunset while sitting back drinking a beer. But hey, go Irish! 2004 ND season starts up in 6 days. The 2nd game of season against Michigan is gonna be a rough home opener but here's hoping to a good start this year. Please for the love of God let it be good.

Well based on my promises from last week I did in fact get in two movies this weekend. First off Open Water, the big independent movie out of Sundance about two scuba divers getting left out in the middle of the ocean. I heard all these things about how big this movie was gonna be. How it's was shot on a shoestring budget, with actors who did all their own stunts, and got right into the shark infested waters to interact with them. How this was gonna be the new Blair Witch, only, you know, actually scary. Huge disappointment here. First off the movie is only like an hour and fifteen minutes long. It takes them almost half the movie to get left behind. And after that it's another 15 minutes before the "danger" really starts. Yeah, when the sharks do come, it's a little jumpy. And I understand that the movie is supposed to be as realistic as possible. Perhaps that's the problem, it's so realistic it's almost boring at parts. And when the couple is stranded out in the ocean and start to crack, screaming at each other and blaming each other for their predicament, it's almost comical. It's Al and Peg Bundy in the water. I do respect what the actors went through to get the movie made but also the movie suffers from some severely amateurish editing. There's just some random closeup shots that just seem to be stuck in the movie for no reason. I'm sorry but I don't think the woman locking the door of the house is a major cinematic event needing an extreme closeup. But that's just me. Also, didn't really think the near full frontal nude shot of Blanchard Ryan in bed was really necessary. Again, just me. Final opinion: appreciate the effort and determination to get the movie made, but in the end, just does not live up to the hype.

The other movie I caught this weekend was Hero. The way it's being pushed is a Jet Li action flick, probably because Jet Li is the only one most of America would recognize though it contains some excellent performances from Asian cinema stars Donnie Yen, Tony Leung, Maggie Cheung, and Zhang Ziyi who many will recognize from her roles in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and the magnanimous Rush Hour 2 and who will next be seen as the lead in the film adaptation of Memoirs of a Geisha. If you've seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon you'll be familiar with look of the movie with amazing sword fights not limited by such small things as gravity. And let's get it out the way early: the action scenes and fights are magnificently done. Imagine the best fights of the Matrix series, without the crappy CGI. This is Hong Kong action at it's finest. But beyond the coolness of the fights, they're also beautifully done, shot in such a way as to be almost a ballet, a dance the actors go through, each perfectly choreographed and executed flawlessly. In fact, it's not just the fights but the entire movie that is just beautifully shot. This is easily the prettiest movie I've seen all year. And the movie itself is excellent. It's revolves around a ancient Chinese king who is on a crusade to conquer and unite the separate kingdoms of China. He's lived his life in fear of three legendary assassins until one day a nameless warrior (Jet Li) come forth with the 3 weapons of the assassins, claiming to have defeated them all through a combination of swordplay and smarts. The movie has been compared to Rashomon in it's storyline in that it is told from several perspectives. It's a fair comparison, however while Rashomon had several storytellers, Hero revolves around two perspectives, that of Nameless telling his story and the King questioning Nameless' tales and adding what he believes to be the truth. In the end it's an excellent tale of sacrifice and love for ones' country. The only minor qualm I had with it was that as it's in subtitles, it was sometimes a little difficult to jump back and forth between reading the lines and watching the action unfold on screen. But like I said, that's a small price to pay to get a quality import of Asian cinema that shows that action films can actually have a legitimately smart and relevant plot and still have some amazing action and swordplay.

Alright my interesting Judeo-Christian friends (and everyone else), that's about it for this time. Reminder: the new season of Scrubs starts up this Tuesday. It's one of the only thing left to watch on TV now that those wankers at Warner Brothers have killed off Angel. And the Simpsons won't return til November. But hey, we've got the Jeff Foxworthy Blue Collar Comedy Tour....I'm sure that'll be a major hit for them. Until next time, keep your feet on the ground and keep staring at the stars cause if you just go walking around reaching upwards, trying to grab stars, people are gonna think you're nuts.