And remember, every time you support a canceled Fox show, somewhere a network executive loses his wings.

Hola cabrones, and welcome back to another edition o' the Mustard.

The above quote is attribute to an excellent article on the show Firefly which I've raved about before in the blog. Sci-Fi is showing the whole series IN PROPER ORDER starting this Friday. I highly recommend you check it out (just TiVo if you need to go out. It'll be good hangover watching Saturday morning). For the rest of the article click here.

We’re officially into the crazy part of summer. Speaking of crazy, heading out to L.A. next weekend. And my God have mercy on my soul.

So I’ll just right into it cause I have a bunch of things I want to get to.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:

Last Friday at 12:45, I walked into Barnes and Noble and picked up Harry Potter. I woke up at 10:30 the next morning and started reading. I finished up at about 9:00 that night. That’s a whole lotta reading. So to start off with, the book is the high quality, completely engrossing tale I’ve come to expect from J.K. Rowling. It is so easy to completely lose yourself in the world of Harry. But even while maintaining that sense of whimsy, Rowling is still playing hardball. She’s not pulling and punches and I mean that literally cause by the end of the book you feel like you just got punched in the gut. It’s easily the harshest ending of any of the books and she continues to show that Joss Whedon-like ability to kill off anybody. I’m not complaining because I’m completely and utterly intrigued as to where she’s going from here. I mean at this point everything is up for grabs. While it frees her up to do whatever she wants with this last book, it leaves the reader hating the fact that they have to wait at least another 2 years before the final book comes out. Oh and for those wondering, Harry’s not a total whiney little pissant this year! Yay! His character in the 5^th book just made me want to hurt him. Damn angst-ridden teenagers. So get ready folks cause this series is winding down and I don’t think anyone knows where it’s gonna end up. Thank God for that.

I’m invisio-texting a few thoughts of mine as to HUGE SPOILER material but I want to mention. So only highlight the below if you’ve already read the book.

Ok, RAB I’m convinced is Regulus Black, Sirius’ brother who was murdered by Voldemort after trying to leave the deatheaters. It makes sense and I think is a great idea on Rowling’s part.

I don’t think we know all there is to know about Snape and his murder of Dumbledore. I don’t care how weak he was, Dumbledore could’ve taken the Deatheaters. Especially as at first it was only Malfoy. You’re telling me between Dumbledore and Harry they couldn’t have taken 4 Deatheaters blindly walking through a door? Also I refuse to believe that Snape’s betrayal is that simple. He just fooled Dumbledore for 15 years? That’s it? Come on! Dumbledore may want to believe in the good of people but he’s not an idiot. He saw through Tom Riddle during his rise to power and there’s no way he would’ve just been simply taken in by Snape. Plus Rowling doesn’t write things that simple. She wrote the 2^nd Chapter of the book showing Snape explaining everything to the Deatheaters and you’re telling me that that’s it? She showed us Snape’s evil right away and it just is that simple? Rowling’s a better writer than that and that’s why I’m so excited for the last book. That’s when we’ll find out the whole truth.

END SPOILER

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:

Finally! Charlie’s a good kid who doesn’t screw up! Thank you! That’s the main reason I don’t like the Gene Wilder version as much as everyone else. I hate that Charlie ends up being just as bad as the rest of them. “Oh, but he apologized!” Well, yeah, cause he got a chance to! How do you know Violet wouldn’t have said she was sorry if she ever got a chance to see Wonka after being de-juiced or Agustus might have repented his ways if he hadn’t been sucked up a pipe into the fudge room. So don’t give me that crap that Charlie was sorry. He was just as irresponsible as the others. Ok, sorry, that’s just bugged the hell out of me for a long time. So this version: fantastical. Freddy Highmore is so unbelievably perfect as Charlie, Tim Burton should get down on his knees and thank whatever higher power he believes in for his casting in Finding Neverland opposite Johnny Depp. Charlie’s grandparents have much better personalities in this version which are played for some great laughs. David Kelly as Grandpa Joe in particular is perfect. He looks older and more decrepit than the previous Grandpa Joe but he has that whimsical gleam in his eye that’s found in the books. The other children are also done well. The updating of Mike Teevee from TV western obsessed to video game/technology obsessed I think was necessary as cowboys aren’t quite so in today. And yes Johnny Depp as Wonka. While I don’t like the older movie, I did enjoy Gene Wilder’s performance (up until he goes postal on Charlie which was just so far out of Wonka’s character it still makes me cringe). Depp goes in an entirely different direction and yet it’s still a great performance. And while I hate to mention this because so much has been made of it already, he is not bloody channeling Michael eff-ing Jackson in this movie! Christ, can’t these critics leave current pop-culture out of their reviews for once!!! Ok, yes, he speaks in a strange voice. So does Kermit the Frog. “Well, he invites children to come into his playground factory”. Yeah, he does, but he doesn’t want to. Here’s the thing: Depp’s Wonka doesn’t like children. Hell, he doesn’t like people in general. When Violet introduces herself, Wonka responds “I don’t care.” He’s bringing in kids so that he can find someone to take over for himself when he’s gone. But he’s not happy about getting older. He’s not happy about being forced into human contact again. He’s socially inept as is seen when he doesn’t know how to continue a conversation so he takes some notecards and starts reading from them. His transformation from social recluse to accepting people back into his life is one of the best parts of the movie. So just accept the fact that this is Depp's own creation and move on, will you? Anyways, the Oompa Loompas are great. They’re all played by the actor Deep Roy and they’re just freaky, exactly as they should be. Love the songs this time. No oompa-loompa-gobbidy-goo. These songs are straight from the book. Danny Elfman is having fun here with his music. He hasn’t done this quality of work since Nightmare Before Christmas. The only qualm about the movie is the ending is changed (actually really just extended) a little in order to bring closure to Wonka’s childhood subplot involving his dentist father (played by Christopher Lee who is seriously having the best time of his career these days). I personally didn’t have a problem with it but I know some people will say, oh no, deviation from the book! All in all, I much prefer this version and I thank Tim Burton for giving a great book a truly faithful adaptation.

Ok, I also need to review the new Don Roos movie, Happy Endings but I’ll save that til next time as this has gone on long enough.

Until next time:

"Hey, is the Count a vampire?"
"What's that?"
"Well, he's got these big fangs. Have they, have they ever shown him doin' somebody in and then feedin' on 'em?"
"You're... you're asking me if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance."
"Yeah."
"No. They've never done that."