Well your Honor, the seven deadly sins are not like the Constitution, they can't be amended. So if I were you yes, I'd be worried.

Mustard: always worth the wait.

So how bad has Heroes been? I mean sweet Odin's raven, I can't stop myself from laughing whenever Hayden Panattiere is on screen. The stilted dialog and painful attempts to emote are of a level unseen since Shannon Elizabeth in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Hayden isn't completely to blame. The best parts of the show are Hiro and Ando and their in friggin' Japanese! Even Kristen Bell looks like she's wondering if maybe she should have taken up that offer to be on Lost. Never has a show had so many characters and actors that I actually like and yet I find myself hating the actual show itself. Damn you Tim Kring!

Meanwhile Chuck has finally grown to the point where I almost can't tell Josh Schwartz still misses Adam Brody. Almost. Adding Rachel Bilson to the mix for a few episodes didn't help.

All these people complaining that the Golden Compass is anti-Catholic. Just because the author is atheist and the books are essentially about a quest to overthrow the Church and heaven? Let's keep some perspective here. I mean Kevin Smith actually killed God in Dogma.... (s)he got better.

So will Smash Bros Brawl be the greatest video ever? I don't know. But it has pixelated 8-bit Excitebikes as weapons. How phenominal is that? Not to mention it has a character whose super power turns him into this:



Dah dah dah! Wario Man!

So has anyone else heard of shockheaded Peter? It's apparently a popular German children's story about a kid whose mother tells him not to suck his thumb. When he doesn't heed her, a tailor comes along with scissors and cuts off his thumbs! What the f$%# is wrong with the Germans!? Seriously, this is what you read to your kids? I would have nightmares for an effing month if my mom read me this story when I was young.

News and Notes:

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Zack Snyder, that's who.

So the Irish limp off into the sunset 3-9... so... how bout them Giants?

Mets in the running for Johan Santana? But what will they have to give up?

Until next time:

"Look carefully, ladies; this is your future."

"Is it vodka?"

"Water."

"As in Russian for vodka?"

Happy Thanksgiving

Yes I'm still alive

Suck on that, Tony Shaloub.

It's good to have Scrubs back, isn't it?

It's not just that Pushing Daisies is the best new show on TV that's amazing. It's how much better the show is than all everything else. Look, I enjoy Chuck and Reaper and Dirty Sexy Money but compared to Pushing Daisies they're just not even close. It's like the TV gods are trying to make up for taking Veronica Mars away from me.

Speaking of which, Ms. Bell made her debut on Heroes to much aplomb. Ok, so she really had 3 scenes and basically got to shoot some lightening and that was about it. But she was darn good going it.

Which is more than I can say for the rest of the show. Ok, the writers of the show are trying to frame this as a comic book. Except comic book series follow one character or team around. They don't attempt to cram 25 different story arcs in a one time where there's no way they can touch on even half of them in an issue. I'm sorry, either bring them into a relevant storyline or cut out Nikki and Paulo redux. And the New Orleans storyline is just boring. Why are we introducing all these new characters now? Isn't that what the Heroes: Origins is for at the end of the season?

News and Notes:

Sox up 2-0 as we head to Colorado. Hopefully the Rockies can put up at least a little more fight. Only 2 runs so far this series?

Rangers off to a slow start. Best Defense and Worst Offense don't go so well together in the NHL.

How bout them Giants? Where did this come from? I don't know but I sure do like it.

Until next time:

"Why can't we just be here as concerned citizens of the world?"

"Because big daddy needs some new yarn."

"Just because there's a dead body doesn't mean you're going to get paid."

"Just because there's vodka in my freezer doesn't mean I have to drink it. Wait, yes it does."

Fisher Smash Star Trek!

Ok, random news here:

Fisher Stevens has been cast on Lost. You may remember him from his many memorable sidekick roles such as trying to make Steve Guttenburg looks like a scientist in Short Circuit, trying to make Angelina Jolie look like a computer hacker in Hackers or trying to make the entire movie look like it didn't suck in Super Mario Bros. He's also the other guy on Early Edition. The one who didn't end up on Friday Night Lights.

Great news: Sonic the Hedgehog is in Smash Bros Brawl. Finally Nintendo fans can beat the hell out of that snotty blue bastard for all the "Sega Genesis Rules!" crap we had to put with in the early 90s. Ooh, my Mortal Kombat has blood in it. Yeah, well mine doesn't and the controls suck on both of them so bite me!

Not Great news: Smash Bros Brawl delayed until February 10th. Damnit!

Latest casting new on the new Abrams Trek movie:

Mr Sulu - John Cho. Any time either Harold or Kumar get cast in a role, I'm happy for them. Except in Superman Returns. Kumar really had no reason to be in there.

Scotty - Simon Pegg. That's just freaking awesome! Now cast Edgar Wright and Nick Frost at red shirts who get killed by Eric Bana. I'm begging you here!

Stop or I'll kick you in the testicles!

It's been a while since the Mustard updated, but the historic collapse of the New York Mets down the homestretch sent me into a week long bender in Vegas. And no, the early exit from the playoffs of the Yankees has done nothing to staunch the steady stream of expletives pouring forth my mouth everytime the "amazin-s" are mentioned. We shall speak no more of them.

Holy Our Mother of the Lake! The Irish actually won a game! Against UCLA no less! It's a St. Patrick's Day miracle. No, I don't care to hear about the wretched play of the Bruins 3rd string QB. It's not my fault that we Carson Palmer-ed Ben Olson. I'm taking my win and hugging it tight. I've got some Eagles coming up on the horizon and am already dreading the thought of yet another year of my sister's victorious jabs.

Are Reaper and Chuck the same show? And who would win in a fight? Adam Baldwin or Ray Wise? I mean on one hand you've got a badass who fought Reavers and almost saved Data from Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin's super-intelligent aliens who have never heard of a firewall. On the other you've got a guy who ran someone over with a Zamboni and feeds nuts to squirrels. Just too close to call.

Speaking of which Chuck is suffering from a main character who wants to desperately to be Seth Cohen, I'm amazed they haven't accidentally put Adam Brody in the closing credits instead of Zachary Levi.

I'm enjoying Dirty, Sexy Money but let's face it, these are not the Bluths. And yes, I get that it's more "serious" show but come on, you might as well start the show with "And now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one surrogate son who had no choice but to keep them all together". Damn you Fox!

$43 million. Will you stop giving money to the studios to make Resident Evil movies? You're only encouraging them! Go see the Darjeeling Limited and get some culture, you jackasses. And yes, I did just learn how to pronounce Darjeeling.

News and Notes:

I've realized that my TV week is anchored by Bones right now. I love the show but when it's reached pole position, I think there's something missing in the lineup.

Pushing Daises has whimsy and wonder not to mention a steady stream of dialog to make a Sherman-Palladino jealous. Now let's see them keep it up.

Eric Bana is playing the nemesis (No pun intended. No seriously forget that movie ever happened, I'm begging you) in the upcoming JJ Abrams Star Trek. You got to hand to him, Abrams can cast like no other.

Until next time:

"Sounds like you're a narcoleptic."

"I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?"

"What's the other one?"

"Necrophiliac."

"Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head."

"Me too. I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food... I don't think that anymore."

Tell me you've never dreamed of doing this

-ahoy-matey.com

I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic.

Mustard: Who are you to say no?

So after long speculation and rumor, Spiral Frog has finally launched. For those of you who don’t know, Spiral Frog offers free DRM’d music downloads supported by advertising on the site. What makes it different than your usual “free” download site is that this site is actually backed by Universal Music Group so it has legitimately big artists available. Eschewing those, I gave it a try and was able to download and play with very little effort an old Phantom Planet album. However, ever since then I haven’t been able to access any other less than super popular groups on the site such as Kaiser Chiefs, Rogue Wave or (strangely enough considering it’s current radio airplay) the new Rooney album. I’ll chalk it up to the service only being a day or two old, but I’ll hold off on any real opinion until I can access all albums freely.

Rick Gervais nominated for an Emmy? Excellent. Ricky Gervais winning an Emmy? Outstanding. Ricky Gervais not being at the Emmys so presenters Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert give it to Steve Carrell? Priceless.

What the %^$# is up the Mets? Do they just not want to make the playoffs? They get swept by the Phils at home and now they get theirs asses handed to them by the Nats. The frakking Nats!? A team whose best hitter is Wily Mo freaking Pena!? Hang you head in shame “Amazins” and get your act together! As of the time of this writing the Nats have managed to pull at 4 run comeback and are sitting on top of the Mets, 8-7 and I swear to God the Nats' announcers actually seem sorry for the Mets at this point.

News and Notes:

Smash Bros has wi-fi without absolutely needing friend codes! And it has personalized taunts against those with friend codes! Giggity.

So I’ve never been a big Halo fan (no Xbox and all) but if the video making the rounds is really the ending of Halo 3… Bungie you have some juevos grandes.

Jim Broadbent as Rufus Scrimgeour in Harry Potter 6? I like it a lot.

Yes, I did expect Notre Dame to be bad this year. But what in the hell was that against Michigan? I thought they were supposed to improve after the Penn State game.

Until next time:

"And, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray adjacent."

"Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"

"Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all."

In Memorium: Xbox 360s of the world

-joystiq

Business is like a jungle. And I am like a tiger. And Dwight is like a monkey that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick.

Mustard: Able to leap tall building in a single bound.

(trivia note: Did you know that Superman originally could not fly, just jump very far? The more you know…)

Football season is in the air. Ok, so it’s been in the air for a week now, but it’s in the air nonetheless. The Colts began their title defense in strong fashion last night by beating the ever-loving tar out of the Saints. Good gravy did Drew Brees look like he just didn’t care anymore by the end. And Jason David was starting to look like Wile E. Coyote with how badly those Colt receivers were blowing by him.

Sadly the Irish did not begin their year in so happy a fashion. The QB musical chairs routine reeked of uncharacteristic Weiss desperation and now that he’s been put in, there’s no way Clausen is coming out short of total meltdown. Hope he’s up to it cause this is not going to be a happy football year for Domers. On the positive side, we’re not Michigan. Hahahaha. So long, farewell to those title dreams.

Why must Apple tease me so? All I wanted was a wide-screen iPod. I don’t give a rats behind about all those iPhone features. But when they finally announce one, the iPod Touch, it only has 16 freakin’ GB of storage. I don’t care that it’s flash memory! Give me at least more than the 20 GB I currently have on my iPod “classic”! I want to be able to fit my music AND my movies on there. Damn you Steve Jobs!

News and Notes:

The fact that the Rock is starring in The Game Plan, which might give The Pacifier a run for it’s money in “action star attempting to grab a quick paycheck” territory, just makes me pray that Southland Tales ends up being a good movie.

“This is ouuuuuuuuuuuuur country!” Oh sweet merciful crap can we kill this song? I’m begging here.

Strahan back with Giants… good thing. Tom Coughlin still coaching the Giants… not so good.

Pedro’s back! And throwing a mighty fine game too even if it was just against the Reds.

Until next time:

“Listen up everybody, I'd like to make an announcement. Christmas is canceled.”

“You can't cancel a holiday.”

“Give it up Stanley or you'll lose New Years.”

“What does that mean?”

“Jim, take New Years away from Stanley.”

Look, I dont know if you were just looking for pimp in the phonebook and stopped at "PI."

It's really sad that I just picked up both the new Matt Nathanson and New Pornographers and yet looking ahead at the next few weeks I'm seeing the Shout Out Louds, Rogue Wave, Iron & Wine, Matt Pond PA and Broken Social Scene and thinking to myself, do I really have enough music for now? As for the two new albums, I'm digging both. Matt Nathanson has the "unfortunate" position of growing in popularity and therefore growing in album production which tends to get in the way of the 12 string guitar and vocals that made his previous albums so good. That's not to say it's a bad album, far from it. But whenever I heard songs like Bulletproof Weeks it makes me realize how good a singer/songwriter Nathanson is and how I wish that the accompaniment would pull back a little on the rest of his songs and let Nathanson do his thing.

New Pornographers' Challengers... it kinda of makes me sick how much talent this group has. You could put these 4 albums on permanent loop in the player and I'd be a happy man.

I'm intrigued by Eastern Promises. David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen made an outstanding movie in "A History of Violence" and I'm liking the thoughts of them teaming back up. Add to that Naomi Watts who has yet to reach the point where I can't stand here anymore or what I call "Nicole Kidman" status. Here's hoping that Vincent Cassel avoids chewing every piece of scenery in the room (note: I like Vincent Cassel but the man seems to be aspiring to Nicholson level mastication).

Notre Dame season kicks off this Saturday as the Irish taken on the worst fans in the league in Georgia Tech (sorry Crowley but you know it to be true). I think this could be a decent season for a rebuilding year but Lou Holtz is out of his freaking mind if he thinks the Irish are going 10-2.

News and Notes:

Just finished off Veronica Mars Season 1 on DVD again. Keith Mars is without a doubt my hero. But good god that was one of the greatest seasons of TV ever..... DAMN YOU WB!!!!

Per Michael Ausiello the Halloween episode of Bones will be "wonderful". Tim Minear directing? Just throwing out blatant vicious rumors.

Speaking of my favorite show creator who just cannot catch a break, Minear has a new show at ABC called Miracle Man. Per Hercules at Aintitcool: "It’s about a disgraced ex-televangelist with no faith who starts performing real miracles." I'm going to rise above the easy pun here and just say, Tim, I'm rooting for you.

Until next time:

"Jake, when did we become Republicans?"

"We haven't. We're just going with the flow."

Emmys gain perfect hair, lost all credibility

Ryan Seacrest? Are you kidding me? Look, I get annoyed at the Emmys just about every year but at least they've tried to remain semi-respectable with their hosts. Ellen DeGeneres, Jon Stewart, Conan O'Brian. There's a reason you go for comedians. They keep the awards from turning completely into one giant ass kissing ceremony by keeping the celebrities on their toes. But holy mother of Guadalupe, with Seacrest on stage? He's going to wet himself by the end of it. Why not just put Star Jones up there and get it over with?

I look like Manila Whore Barbie

Mustard: Read it or else!

Stardust – Gotta say, really surprised how much I enjoyed this movie. This is the best “fairy tale” movie I’ve seen since Princess Bride. And it’s in that same vein, a fantasy flick (we don’t count the LOTR in the same group as that’s a whole ‘nother ball game) that is actually made for an adult audience. Intelligent, funny yet dark enough at times to really be truly good movie. Great cast with Michelle Pfieffer apparently deciding that she needed to make up for lost time (seriously, how many movie has she been in this summer?). Lead Charlie Cox plays his role well in the iconic hero’s journey from wide-eyed naivety to confident champion. Claire Danes is great in the part of the “damsel in distress” but not idiotically helpless or, thank God, post-modernly ironic (see Shrek). And Robert DeNiro…that man is just having the time of his life at this point. Plus throw in fun little cameos by Ricky Gervais, Peter O’Toole and Rupert Everett with the narration by Ian McKellan and you’ve got yourself a great cast. The score itself while not entirely original, is a real stand out and one of the best I’ve heard this year. It really makes me sad that this little gem of a movie is struggling at the box office while Rush Hour 3 is making untold riches and shortening the IQs of moviegoers everywhere. Hopefully it’ll find its deserved appreciation, like so many similar movies, on the DVD shelves.

So can I just say how funny I find it that Guitar Hero III made a huge deal out of getting Slash to be a character in the game. Fine, it’s Slash, I understand. But the next huge addition: Bret Michaels. Really? Of Poison fame? Er, they do realize that it’s called Guitar Hero, not Lead Vocalist of a Crappy 80s Hair Band Hero, right?

New and Notes:

Mets @ the Nats this weekend. And it’s Abraham Lincoln bobblehead night on Saturday to boot (you gotta love/shake your head at DC)!

James Marsters will be on Without a Trace this season. Still not gonna watch it, but good for him.

We almost had Kristen Bell on Lost. She’d rather do Legally Blonde on Broadway? So sad…

Until next time:

“Any idea what our parents do Mondays and Wednesdays from 6 to 10 that requires an overnight bag?”

“As far as I’m concerned they play bingo at the VFW.”

Stop, in the name of American prudishness!

Mustard: With great power comes great responsibility… and a Spider-Pig.

The Simpsons Movie – Can’t help but feel a little let down after seeing it. Don’t get me wrong, it still had some hysterical bits in it. The opening church scene had some classic Simpsons in there and of course Ralph Wiggum (“I like men now.”). But maybe it’s just that after having become disillusioned with the show over it’s past few years to the point where I doubt I saw even half of last season, I had some hopes that they were gonna give us a reminder of the greatest of the show from way back when. And while there are a few of those moments, they sadly only push forward the fact that those days are really gone, probably for good. In one of the movie’s best moments Marge has a monologue directed towards Homer which eerily echoes the Simpsons fans feelings toward their one time favorite show. It’s a sentimental moment which once upon a time were a vital part of the best episodes of the show, getting the viewer to not only laugh with the zany antics of the cast, but also get emotionally attached and care about the Simpsons family. Unfortunately the past few years has been hard pressed to find a genuine moment when you could actually understand why in the hell Marge hadn’t dumped Homer years ago. In the end this movie was definitely better than any episode over the past few years, but at the same time cannot live up to the hype of nearly 20 years of buildup.

So Rob Thomas is now a consulting producer to Big Shots? If you haven’t seen the previews for the new ABC show, imagine a desperate attempt to create a “Sex in the City” for men. Did no one else really want Michael Vartan? Rob Thomas is going to have his hands full turn this thing around.

Brady Quinn finally signs with the Browns. As much as I like the guy, he doesn’t come out of this one looking so great. And before people jump on me about “well, he was just looking for incentives for playing time” it doesn’t matter. He’s missed 2 weeks of training camp with the team and with the Browns needing a legit quarterback, he was in great position to pull an Eli Manning and get in there to be immediately groomed for the starting position. Now he’s got all kinds of goodwill to make up.

News and Notes:

I still can’t really say whether or not the show itself is all that great, but I damn sure want the soundtrack to the Flight of the Conchords whenever it comes out. The songs are nothing short of brilliant.

Bonds hit 756! They hype can now slowly start to die! Can I get an Amen?

Does Mark Texiera joining the surging Braves make me a little nervous? Maybe…

Until next time:

“You've gone mad with power!”

“Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!”

Mario Paint + Mega Man II = Childhood Nostalgia

Ah Mario Paint... how many hours did I lose to toying around with the music maker?




-nintendowiifanboy.com

I'm gonna go get some vegetarian chili before they get desperate and add meat.

Mustard: Who could ask for anything more?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Started Saturday morning. Finished up by Saturday night. I’m mighty impressed that Rowling managed to tie up as many loose ends as possible and yet the book did not come off in the least disjointed or feel forced. That is a major testament to her skills as a writer not to mention her planning of the series as a whole. She also proved the she could do just fine outside the normal HP school year format (though she does keep the time frame in tact). The story comes full circle. Characters finish their arcs in a satisfying manner. Some characters don’t make it. Some characters get surprising redemption. I was particularly satisfied by the conclusions of Snape and Neville’s arcs not to mention Kreacher's unexpectedly entertaining roles. The only knocks I can put in were that some of the deaths (and there are plenty) had a little less impact than others. I also thought she spent a little too much time with the Tolkein-esque journey through the wilderness. But in the end I have to commend Rowling for crafting a truly classic series of books which will entertain for generations to come. Oh and the absolutely hysterical and brilliant line by Mrs. Weasley in the next to final chapter. I’d also like to point out that (highlight to read): I was completely right in my July 21 review of HBP that RAB did in fact stand for Regulus Black (though Rowling even had the story behind that be unexpected and interesting).Sure after I posted that many people came to the same conclusion but I still have satisfaction of figuring it out when I first read it.Ha!

Now good look turning that whole thing in the seventh movie. Yikes, that’s a lot to squeeze in.

Watchmen casting news: complete non-A list actors. I have no problem with that. I enjoy Billy Crudup’s work and we’ll see how he works under all the makeup/CGI of Dr. Manhattan. Jeffrey Dean Morgan aka Denny will get to expand his range as he goes from Mr. Likeable to playing a complete a-hole in the form of the cigar chomping Comedian. Be interesting to see if the novel is actually adaptable.

News and Notes:

Simpsons! Simpsons! Simpsons! (“Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does.”)

I won’t lie, the new Reaper trailer had me laughing mighty hard. Damn you CW!

Ok, I get that Zemeckis is trying to push the whole CGI as actors thing and no doubt this all looks much better than Polar Express, but I do not understand why they decided to make some of the characters look identical to the voice actors with the lone exception of Beowulf himself. Honestly right now I feel like they did it just so they didn’t have to pay Russell Crowe a ton of money cause the character sure looks like him and not so much like Ray Winstone (who is actually voicing Beowulf).

Until next time:

“You can't kill me for being Krusty the Klown! I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!”

“The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?”

“Uh, actually, my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumbel.”

“The same Barney Gubmel who keeps taking pictures of my sister?”

“Uh, actually, my real name is...uh, think, Krusty, think...Joe Valanchi!”

“The same Joe Valanchi who squeled to the Senate Committee about Organized Crime?”

“Benedict Arnold!”

“The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender the West Point to the hated British?”

D'oh!”

I don't need your sycophantic laughter. I have some on tape.

Mustard: Like a flash in the pan, er…dark.

Emmy time! Look I’m not gonna go crazy in depth about Veronica Mars once again getting screwed. Or the lack of anything Scrubs. Or Rome. Or Studio 60. I’m just going to make a couple of quick points:

1. So Two and a Half Men has become the new comedy that will always be nominated for everything. Seriously, it’s so good it deserved 7 noms? Fine. At least it’s not effing Yes Dear. Strange though how apparently the female cast members have suddenly stepped up their game to take 2 of the supporting actress nods? Guess it was a slow year.
2. Ricky Gervais nominated for Best Actor? Outstanding. Extras NOT nominated for best Comedy? A travesty.
3. Grey’s Anatomy and Heroes nominated for Best Drama ahead of Lost? A f$%#ing joke.
4. 3 Grey’s Anatomy supporting actresses? Be serious.
5. Kiefer Sutherland was apparently nominated for his work in the first 4 hours of 24. Because everything after that was pure crap.
6. They seriously have not one but two awards for hairstyling? Further reducing all respect I have for the Emmys.

And that’s it for the Emmys. Thank you. Come again.

E3 a little underwhelming, no? Nintendo spent their entire conference showing clips of different news shows talking about the Wii. Then they spent a while on Wii Fit which I’m sure will sell a ton of units. But what about everything else? The announced Mario Kari Wii (with online play!) but only showed a short trailer. They almost completely ignored Smash Bros. The only really big info were the dates of Smash (Dec 3) and Mario Galaxy (Nov. 13). Metroid still supposedly coming out the end of Aug. Let’s see.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Really good. I’m getting used to the trimmings of the books that are increasing with each successive movie (as each successive book gained about 200 pages). The cast continue their strong performances. Alan Rickman gets just a smidge more to do than Goblet of Fire. Imelda Staunton and Evanna Lynch were note perfect as Dolores Umbridge and Luna Lovegood. Gary Oldman is excellent in his last role (depending on book 7) as Sirius. Some roles got trimmed to the point where it was almost distracting having as big a name in there. Helena Bonham Carter made an great Belletrix Lestrange but only has 2 real scenes. Not to mention Emma Thompson and David Thewlis came back for about 2 lines a piece. Ah well, it was a really enjoyable movie over all.

News and Notes:

Yes, I have in fact finished reading all 6 Harry Potters. Not too shabby for starting in June.

Bonds is now 2 away. Let’s just get this over with already, shall we?

It’s a little scary that we’re only a little over a month away from ND football starting up again.

Until next time:

“Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.”

“Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?”

“He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. … But not in that order.”

You try finding a job with nothing on your resume but “Fake Ghost Pirate.”

Mustard…knew I left it around here somewhere.

So yeah, been a while since a real update. Ah the joys of summer. But anyways, let’s dive in…

Transformers – “One will stand. One will fall.” Yes, they actually included that line in the movie. Look, I’m coming right out and saying this is a very dumb movie. For the most part it makes little sense. But it’s a fun friggin’ movie all the same. Come on, you have a movie based off a toy line of giant transforming robots. The fact that I enjoyed the hell out of it is a testament to just how much this movie delivers what it promised: explosions and giant machines beating the crap out of each other. The human actors don’t matter for the most part. Sure Shia LaBeof is a likeable enough dork who manages to get a few funny lines in. I still don’t understand why John Tuturro is in the movie but he’s chewing the scenery like Jack Nicholson’s worst nightmare. Jon Voight is just there being Jon Voight. Bay made a brilliant move in bringing back Peter Cullen to voice Optimus Prime because those lines in any other voice just would’ve sound idiotic. In Peter Cullen’s voice it’s just the way Prime talks. And look for a minor cameo by Mr. Tom Lenk (Andrew from Buffy) as Analyst #2. Oh and the voice of Jazz is none other than Eddie, the brother from Family Matters. Who knew? Michael Bay is smart enough to not take this one seriously (see a part in the movie where a character actually says “This is like a 100 times better than Armageddon!”). My only grip is that they really don’t spend a lot of time with the “characters” of the Transformers. A few of the Decepticons literally just show up for the finale (and the uber-product placement Transformers at the end are asinine. Even in a movie like this where everything is product placement.) So go ahead, don’t worry about seeing anything other than sh%# getting blown up, and enjoy yourselves.

With Studio 60 ending I have to admit I’m a little sad to see it go. The last episodes just seemed to be Aaron Sorkin letting loose and not giving a damn since the show wasn’t coming back and I think it made for a much better, more natural flow to the show. Intelligent comedy is a hard thing to come by these days and this show pulled it off well even if it was on it’s soapbox the entire time it was doing so.

Flight of the Conchords – Not sure if it’s brilliant or just stupid. The manager character, Murray, seems little too much of a rip-off of Ricky Gervais’ agent Darren from Extras. But the music has been friggin’ hilarious.

News and Notes:

E3 fast approaches. Though this year it’s a mini-E3 look for some big news to still emerge. Check out the Smash Bros site which is updated daily. Some really cool stuff coming down the line on that game.

Now the Zelda is over I’ve moved on to Super Paper Mario. The first boss was named Fracktail. How could this game not be brilliant? Also on deck: Order of the Phoenix.

Speaking of which, I’m blasting through the first 6 books. I’m 3 chapters into book 5. I’m going to do it by the 21^st. Only 1400 pages left to go!

Rangers picked up Gomez and Drury?!?! Holy $%@&!!! That’s it. If they can’t pull it off with these guys, they’re just not gonna.

Thanks to Erin I have joined the XM revolution. Ok, so maybe not quite a revolution, but being able to listen to the Mets game on the way home from NY made for a much easier trip.

Until next time:

“Matthew, don't take this the wrong way, but I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Did you take it the wrong way?”

“I took it to mean you're gay and you want me.”

Directed by Tony Scott

- penny arcade

Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!

So Twilight Princess has finally been completed. Great (though a tad easy) final battle though I must say, I was a little disappointed with the ending. You’d think a little more would happen. Maybe I’m just spoiled by the Ocarina of Time ending. Overall I feel like the game was a gorgeous game and helluva lot of fun to play but not nearly as hard as OoT. But then maybe I’ve just gotten a lot better at games. I played Link to the Past a few months back and just flew through that game (though it helps that I played it so much I still knew the answers to a lot of the harder puzzles). Anyways, if you still haven’t picked up Zelda yet and you own a Wii, get out there and buy it. It may not upset Ocarina of Time as the best Zelda ever but it’s a phenomenal game nonetheless.

And can someone please tell me why the hell you must be a member of ESPN Insider in order to read any of the articles on their website these days? For God’s sake, you need to be an insider to read a transcript of a Bill Simmons’ chat? This is why I head on over to FoxSports of CBSsportsline for coverage of anything major. At least on those sites I’m not paying for witty commentary on the Sopranos season finale. [Update: they did take the Insider access needed off the Bill Simmons’ chat, but it’s still a ridiculous number of articles closed off for non-Insiders].

Tech advice for you (sorta): If you have an auxiliary jack in your car for an MP3 player, please, for the love of God, don’t drop $18 on a Monster iPod car cable that just plugs into your MP3 player’s headphone jack. Just buy a simple 3.5 mm to 3.5 mm (or 1/8 inch if you don’t like that pesky metric system) cable for a couple bucks at any radio shack, target or electronic store. You will save yourself $15 bucks and get the exact same result. Otherwise you are getting ripped off.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Look, I know you have to make kid friendly movies and whatnot but good gravy. This was like a bad Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Honestly, Dr. Doom might as well be the Shredder. At one point I kid you not the line “Let’s go for a spin.” is taunted as he creates a huge whirlwind. Sure it had a couple of relatively funny lines and despite all my complaints, it was miles better than the first (which still ranks somewhere around Blade Trinity as the worst comic movie ever made… though I’ve yet to see Ghost Rider or Elektra). It’s so sad that the best FF movie is still The Incredibles. Maybe I’m just pissed off that I came for Galactus and all I got was a stupid cloud. It wasn’t even purple.

News and Notes:

If you haven’t read the first arc of Joss Whedon’s Buffy Season 8, you’re missing out. I’m just so sad that at this rate, the man is never coming back to TV or movies.

How great was Entourage’s Season 4 premiere? The last scene with Drama yelling out his one line in the movie had me rolling.

Well at least the Mets can beat the Twins. Seriously, the hell is going on guys? I know we’re completely reliant on our bats, but the past 2 weeks have been ridiculous.

Until next time:

“I'm not moving in with her, Drama, I'm just staying there 'til we leave to shoot the movie.”

“Yeah, and that girl from Silence of The Lambs is just "staying'" in that well.”

The Coen's are going old school

Bout damn time. Great trailer for their upcoming "No Country For Old Men" Very much them getting back to their "Blood Simple" roots. Definitely excited for this one.