When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

So why didn't anyone tell me How I Met Your Mother was so damn funny? Seriously, this is a show that takes me back to the very best years of Scrubs. Neil Patrick Harris has mined his comedic genius first discovered in Harold and Kumar to new levels and Jason Segal has a steady job. Who knew?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - What the hell, George Lucas? 3/4 of a good Indiana Jones movie spoiled by an ending that was so overt in it's supernatural elements that I was left unable to argue with Erin when she turned to me and said "This is retarded." The whole point of Indiana Jones is that the supernatural/theological elements are left mostly unexplained. That's how I can accept the Ark of the Covenant killing/melting the faces of the Nazis. But there's nothing left ambiguous about this ending (which decided that theology was too outdated, let's go X-Files). Which is too bad because I was enjoying the hell out of myself for the first 3/4 of the movie or, what I'll term, the Spielberg parts. Good chases scenes, action, comedy all rolled into one with Harrison Ford's smirk making me forget how long ago it was he was last in big fun roles like this. Shia LaBeouf didn't really piss me off all that much and the rest of the cast does fine with what it's got. It didn't help that John Hurt is cast in another Prof. Bruttenholm role which Dwain summed up nicely after the "Space between spaces" line by stating "You know, where Hellboy lives." So I'm giving up on Lucas. Sorry, I'll go back to my original trilogies and enjoying the fun that was the 80's. Maybe I'll watch this movie on DVD and just stop once they get to the "Kingdom".

News and Notes:

Joss Whedon finally finishes up his astounding run on Astonishing X-men today. I'm actually excited for comic book. I'm a little sad.

Interesting Q&A session with Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro on the Hobbit movies: http://www.wetanz.com/holics/index.php?itemid=695&catid=2#more

Ok, so the Mets won a game against the Marlins. Now let's make it 2 in a row and we're only 4.5 out. Baby steps...

Until next time:

"Miracle!"

"A pencil entered Barney's nose and you call it a miracle?"

"Do you have a better explanation for it?"

"A drunk jackass with a box of pencils?"

"A drunk jackass called God and a box of pencils called Destiny"

Merciful Grand Galactic Inquisitor, This Can't Come Soon Enough

GO TEAM VENTURE!!!

Fisher we hardly knew ye and Musicians who do drugs

What a sad time in that Fisher Stevens' character arc on Lost was over before it started. Only one episode and our illustrious character actor was killed off. Such a shame.

On the other we're actually going more obscure by the sudden appearance of actor Kevin Durand as another other Other. If you're thinking, "Hey, wasn't he one of the crazy Tremor brothers in Smokin' Aces?" then I feel sorry for you cause that means you've actually seen Smokin' Aces (how the eff do you make an action shoot 'em up that pretentious, Joe Carnahan? HOW!?). You may also recognize him from his less psychotic role as Tree in Mystery, Alaska.

Speaking of character actors, after watching Coffee and Cigarettes I've come to two conclusions:
1. I think it would be fascinating to do a comparison of who's done more drugs, Iggy Pop or Keith Richards.
2. If they ever make a movie biopic about Tom Waits, Ron Perlman absolutely has to star. I mean just look at them:

Is Canada still ruled by the queen of England? Because if the judges there are gonna be wearing wigs, as an American, I might have an issue with that.

Mustard: Once upon a time, it actually existed regularly

Ok, 2008 has been here for quite some time. But it's been a little busy this past month but I've finally found some time to put up my feet, stretch my legs and attempt to write a semi-coherent blog post.

So what have I been up to lately? Guitar Hero. Lots and lots of Guitar Hero. It became the focus of New Years. It's become the focus of a many a weekend. And rightly so. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been having trouble sleeping as my brain is playing My Name is Jonas on repeat. Now we just need Rock Band to come out for the Wii and all bets are off.

Combine that with my love of Mario Galaxy and I just don’t foresee when sleep will come into play in the near future. Oh and then there’s Smash Bros in a month. And may God have mercy on my soul.

Johan Santana going to the Mets. That makes the 2008 season a whole lot brighter on the rotation side. Now let's shore up the relief situation and make sure they don't get completely burnt out by September.

Lost: It's been way too long since good TV was last on? Ok, Pushing Daisies has only been done for a short time now. But man, it feels longer than that.

So after watching Wonderfalls, I feel more and more guilty that I did not watch the show when it was on. To be fair, Fox only did air 4 episodes but I haven’t been this retroactively bummed since I finished watching Firefly.

A "tentative" deal has been reached to end the writers' strike. Now was that so hard?

If my heart is a little broken Peter Jackson isn't going to be directing the new Hobbit movie, Guillermo Del Toro replacing him makes everything a whole lot better. Now make it work studios.

Until next time:

I don't even like waterparks. I mean I did, until someone thought it'd be funny to go down the slide two seconds after me.

Dude, the lifeguard told me to go.

Really? Did he also tell you to take your trunks off, Turk? Because the last thing a guy wants to see when he's in a splash pool is his best friend's junk headed towards him at forty miles per hour. Felt like I got pistol-whipped

Well your Honor, the seven deadly sins are not like the Constitution, they can't be amended. So if I were you yes, I'd be worried.

Mustard: always worth the wait.

So how bad has Heroes been? I mean sweet Odin's raven, I can't stop myself from laughing whenever Hayden Panattiere is on screen. The stilted dialog and painful attempts to emote are of a level unseen since Shannon Elizabeth in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Hayden isn't completely to blame. The best parts of the show are Hiro and Ando and their in friggin' Japanese! Even Kristen Bell looks like she's wondering if maybe she should have taken up that offer to be on Lost. Never has a show had so many characters and actors that I actually like and yet I find myself hating the actual show itself. Damn you Tim Kring!

Meanwhile Chuck has finally grown to the point where I almost can't tell Josh Schwartz still misses Adam Brody. Almost. Adding Rachel Bilson to the mix for a few episodes didn't help.

All these people complaining that the Golden Compass is anti-Catholic. Just because the author is atheist and the books are essentially about a quest to overthrow the Church and heaven? Let's keep some perspective here. I mean Kevin Smith actually killed God in Dogma.... (s)he got better.

So will Smash Bros Brawl be the greatest video ever? I don't know. But it has pixelated 8-bit Excitebikes as weapons. How phenominal is that? Not to mention it has a character whose super power turns him into this:



Dah dah dah! Wario Man!

So has anyone else heard of shockheaded Peter? It's apparently a popular German children's story about a kid whose mother tells him not to suck his thumb. When he doesn't heed her, a tailor comes along with scissors and cuts off his thumbs! What the f$%# is wrong with the Germans!? Seriously, this is what you read to your kids? I would have nightmares for an effing month if my mom read me this story when I was young.

News and Notes:

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Zack Snyder, that's who.

So the Irish limp off into the sunset 3-9... so... how bout them Giants?

Mets in the running for Johan Santana? But what will they have to give up?

Until next time:

"Look carefully, ladies; this is your future."

"Is it vodka?"

"Water."

"As in Russian for vodka?"

Suck on that, Tony Shaloub.

It's good to have Scrubs back, isn't it?

It's not just that Pushing Daisies is the best new show on TV that's amazing. It's how much better the show is than all everything else. Look, I enjoy Chuck and Reaper and Dirty Sexy Money but compared to Pushing Daisies they're just not even close. It's like the TV gods are trying to make up for taking Veronica Mars away from me.

Speaking of which, Ms. Bell made her debut on Heroes to much aplomb. Ok, so she really had 3 scenes and basically got to shoot some lightening and that was about it. But she was darn good going it.

Which is more than I can say for the rest of the show. Ok, the writers of the show are trying to frame this as a comic book. Except comic book series follow one character or team around. They don't attempt to cram 25 different story arcs in a one time where there's no way they can touch on even half of them in an issue. I'm sorry, either bring them into a relevant storyline or cut out Nikki and Paulo redux. And the New Orleans storyline is just boring. Why are we introducing all these new characters now? Isn't that what the Heroes: Origins is for at the end of the season?

News and Notes:

Sox up 2-0 as we head to Colorado. Hopefully the Rockies can put up at least a little more fight. Only 2 runs so far this series?

Rangers off to a slow start. Best Defense and Worst Offense don't go so well together in the NHL.

How bout them Giants? Where did this come from? I don't know but I sure do like it.

Until next time:

"Why can't we just be here as concerned citizens of the world?"

"Because big daddy needs some new yarn."

"Just because there's a dead body doesn't mean you're going to get paid."

"Just because there's vodka in my freezer doesn't mean I have to drink it. Wait, yes it does."

Fisher Smash Star Trek!

Ok, random news here:

Fisher Stevens has been cast on Lost. You may remember him from his many memorable sidekick roles such as trying to make Steve Guttenburg looks like a scientist in Short Circuit, trying to make Angelina Jolie look like a computer hacker in Hackers or trying to make the entire movie look like it didn't suck in Super Mario Bros. He's also the other guy on Early Edition. The one who didn't end up on Friday Night Lights.

Great news: Sonic the Hedgehog is in Smash Bros Brawl. Finally Nintendo fans can beat the hell out of that snotty blue bastard for all the "Sega Genesis Rules!" crap we had to put with in the early 90s. Ooh, my Mortal Kombat has blood in it. Yeah, well mine doesn't and the controls suck on both of them so bite me!

Not Great news: Smash Bros Brawl delayed until February 10th. Damnit!

Latest casting new on the new Abrams Trek movie:

Mr Sulu - John Cho. Any time either Harold or Kumar get cast in a role, I'm happy for them. Except in Superman Returns. Kumar really had no reason to be in there.

Scotty - Simon Pegg. That's just freaking awesome! Now cast Edgar Wright and Nick Frost at red shirts who get killed by Eric Bana. I'm begging you here!

Stop or I'll kick you in the testicles!

It's been a while since the Mustard updated, but the historic collapse of the New York Mets down the homestretch sent me into a week long bender in Vegas. And no, the early exit from the playoffs of the Yankees has done nothing to staunch the steady stream of expletives pouring forth my mouth everytime the "amazin-s" are mentioned. We shall speak no more of them.

Holy Our Mother of the Lake! The Irish actually won a game! Against UCLA no less! It's a St. Patrick's Day miracle. No, I don't care to hear about the wretched play of the Bruins 3rd string QB. It's not my fault that we Carson Palmer-ed Ben Olson. I'm taking my win and hugging it tight. I've got some Eagles coming up on the horizon and am already dreading the thought of yet another year of my sister's victorious jabs.

Are Reaper and Chuck the same show? And who would win in a fight? Adam Baldwin or Ray Wise? I mean on one hand you've got a badass who fought Reavers and almost saved Data from Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin's super-intelligent aliens who have never heard of a firewall. On the other you've got a guy who ran someone over with a Zamboni and feeds nuts to squirrels. Just too close to call.

Speaking of which Chuck is suffering from a main character who wants to desperately to be Seth Cohen, I'm amazed they haven't accidentally put Adam Brody in the closing credits instead of Zachary Levi.

I'm enjoying Dirty, Sexy Money but let's face it, these are not the Bluths. And yes, I get that it's more "serious" show but come on, you might as well start the show with "And now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one surrogate son who had no choice but to keep them all together". Damn you Fox!

$43 million. Will you stop giving money to the studios to make Resident Evil movies? You're only encouraging them! Go see the Darjeeling Limited and get some culture, you jackasses. And yes, I did just learn how to pronounce Darjeeling.

News and Notes:

I've realized that my TV week is anchored by Bones right now. I love the show but when it's reached pole position, I think there's something missing in the lineup.

Pushing Daises has whimsy and wonder not to mention a steady stream of dialog to make a Sherman-Palladino jealous. Now let's see them keep it up.

Eric Bana is playing the nemesis (No pun intended. No seriously forget that movie ever happened, I'm begging you) in the upcoming JJ Abrams Star Trek. You got to hand to him, Abrams can cast like no other.

Until next time:

"Sounds like you're a narcoleptic."

"I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?"

"What's the other one?"

"Necrophiliac."

"Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head."

"Me too. I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food... I don't think that anymore."

I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic.

Mustard: Who are you to say no?

So after long speculation and rumor, Spiral Frog has finally launched. For those of you who don’t know, Spiral Frog offers free DRM’d music downloads supported by advertising on the site. What makes it different than your usual “free” download site is that this site is actually backed by Universal Music Group so it has legitimately big artists available. Eschewing those, I gave it a try and was able to download and play with very little effort an old Phantom Planet album. However, ever since then I haven’t been able to access any other less than super popular groups on the site such as Kaiser Chiefs, Rogue Wave or (strangely enough considering it’s current radio airplay) the new Rooney album. I’ll chalk it up to the service only being a day or two old, but I’ll hold off on any real opinion until I can access all albums freely.

Rick Gervais nominated for an Emmy? Excellent. Ricky Gervais winning an Emmy? Outstanding. Ricky Gervais not being at the Emmys so presenters Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert give it to Steve Carrell? Priceless.

What the %^$# is up the Mets? Do they just not want to make the playoffs? They get swept by the Phils at home and now they get theirs asses handed to them by the Nats. The frakking Nats!? A team whose best hitter is Wily Mo freaking Pena!? Hang you head in shame “Amazins” and get your act together! As of the time of this writing the Nats have managed to pull at 4 run comeback and are sitting on top of the Mets, 8-7 and I swear to God the Nats' announcers actually seem sorry for the Mets at this point.

News and Notes:

Smash Bros has wi-fi without absolutely needing friend codes! And it has personalized taunts against those with friend codes! Giggity.

So I’ve never been a big Halo fan (no Xbox and all) but if the video making the rounds is really the ending of Halo 3… Bungie you have some juevos grandes.

Jim Broadbent as Rufus Scrimgeour in Harry Potter 6? I like it a lot.

Yes, I did expect Notre Dame to be bad this year. But what in the hell was that against Michigan? I thought they were supposed to improve after the Penn State game.

Until next time:

"And, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray adjacent."

"Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"

"Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all."

Emmys gain perfect hair, lost all credibility

Ryan Seacrest? Are you kidding me? Look, I get annoyed at the Emmys just about every year but at least they've tried to remain semi-respectable with their hosts. Ellen DeGeneres, Jon Stewart, Conan O'Brian. There's a reason you go for comedians. They keep the awards from turning completely into one giant ass kissing ceremony by keeping the celebrities on their toes. But holy mother of Guadalupe, with Seacrest on stage? He's going to wet himself by the end of it. Why not just put Star Jones up there and get it over with?

Stop, in the name of American prudishness!

Mustard: With great power comes great responsibility… and a Spider-Pig.

The Simpsons Movie – Can’t help but feel a little let down after seeing it. Don’t get me wrong, it still had some hysterical bits in it. The opening church scene had some classic Simpsons in there and of course Ralph Wiggum (“I like men now.”). But maybe it’s just that after having become disillusioned with the show over it’s past few years to the point where I doubt I saw even half of last season, I had some hopes that they were gonna give us a reminder of the greatest of the show from way back when. And while there are a few of those moments, they sadly only push forward the fact that those days are really gone, probably for good. In one of the movie’s best moments Marge has a monologue directed towards Homer which eerily echoes the Simpsons fans feelings toward their one time favorite show. It’s a sentimental moment which once upon a time were a vital part of the best episodes of the show, getting the viewer to not only laugh with the zany antics of the cast, but also get emotionally attached and care about the Simpsons family. Unfortunately the past few years has been hard pressed to find a genuine moment when you could actually understand why in the hell Marge hadn’t dumped Homer years ago. In the end this movie was definitely better than any episode over the past few years, but at the same time cannot live up to the hype of nearly 20 years of buildup.

So Rob Thomas is now a consulting producer to Big Shots? If you haven’t seen the previews for the new ABC show, imagine a desperate attempt to create a “Sex in the City” for men. Did no one else really want Michael Vartan? Rob Thomas is going to have his hands full turn this thing around.

Brady Quinn finally signs with the Browns. As much as I like the guy, he doesn’t come out of this one looking so great. And before people jump on me about “well, he was just looking for incentives for playing time” it doesn’t matter. He’s missed 2 weeks of training camp with the team and with the Browns needing a legit quarterback, he was in great position to pull an Eli Manning and get in there to be immediately groomed for the starting position. Now he’s got all kinds of goodwill to make up.

News and Notes:

I still can’t really say whether or not the show itself is all that great, but I damn sure want the soundtrack to the Flight of the Conchords whenever it comes out. The songs are nothing short of brilliant.

Bonds hit 756! They hype can now slowly start to die! Can I get an Amen?

Does Mark Texiera joining the surging Braves make me a little nervous? Maybe…

Until next time:

“You've gone mad with power!”

“Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!”

I don't need your sycophantic laughter. I have some on tape.

Mustard: Like a flash in the pan, er…dark.

Emmy time! Look I’m not gonna go crazy in depth about Veronica Mars once again getting screwed. Or the lack of anything Scrubs. Or Rome. Or Studio 60. I’m just going to make a couple of quick points:

1. So Two and a Half Men has become the new comedy that will always be nominated for everything. Seriously, it’s so good it deserved 7 noms? Fine. At least it’s not effing Yes Dear. Strange though how apparently the female cast members have suddenly stepped up their game to take 2 of the supporting actress nods? Guess it was a slow year.
2. Ricky Gervais nominated for Best Actor? Outstanding. Extras NOT nominated for best Comedy? A travesty.
3. Grey’s Anatomy and Heroes nominated for Best Drama ahead of Lost? A f$%#ing joke.
4. 3 Grey’s Anatomy supporting actresses? Be serious.
5. Kiefer Sutherland was apparently nominated for his work in the first 4 hours of 24. Because everything after that was pure crap.
6. They seriously have not one but two awards for hairstyling? Further reducing all respect I have for the Emmys.

And that’s it for the Emmys. Thank you. Come again.

E3 a little underwhelming, no? Nintendo spent their entire conference showing clips of different news shows talking about the Wii. Then they spent a while on Wii Fit which I’m sure will sell a ton of units. But what about everything else? The announced Mario Kari Wii (with online play!) but only showed a short trailer. They almost completely ignored Smash Bros. The only really big info were the dates of Smash (Dec 3) and Mario Galaxy (Nov. 13). Metroid still supposedly coming out the end of Aug. Let’s see.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Really good. I’m getting used to the trimmings of the books that are increasing with each successive movie (as each successive book gained about 200 pages). The cast continue their strong performances. Alan Rickman gets just a smidge more to do than Goblet of Fire. Imelda Staunton and Evanna Lynch were note perfect as Dolores Umbridge and Luna Lovegood. Gary Oldman is excellent in his last role (depending on book 7) as Sirius. Some roles got trimmed to the point where it was almost distracting having as big a name in there. Helena Bonham Carter made an great Belletrix Lestrange but only has 2 real scenes. Not to mention Emma Thompson and David Thewlis came back for about 2 lines a piece. Ah well, it was a really enjoyable movie over all.

News and Notes:

Yes, I have in fact finished reading all 6 Harry Potters. Not too shabby for starting in June.

Bonds is now 2 away. Let’s just get this over with already, shall we?

It’s a little scary that we’re only a little over a month away from ND football starting up again.

Until next time:

“Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.”

“Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?”

“He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. … But not in that order.”

You try finding a job with nothing on your resume but “Fake Ghost Pirate.”

Mustard…knew I left it around here somewhere.

So yeah, been a while since a real update. Ah the joys of summer. But anyways, let’s dive in…

Transformers – “One will stand. One will fall.” Yes, they actually included that line in the movie. Look, I’m coming right out and saying this is a very dumb movie. For the most part it makes little sense. But it’s a fun friggin’ movie all the same. Come on, you have a movie based off a toy line of giant transforming robots. The fact that I enjoyed the hell out of it is a testament to just how much this movie delivers what it promised: explosions and giant machines beating the crap out of each other. The human actors don’t matter for the most part. Sure Shia LaBeof is a likeable enough dork who manages to get a few funny lines in. I still don’t understand why John Tuturro is in the movie but he’s chewing the scenery like Jack Nicholson’s worst nightmare. Jon Voight is just there being Jon Voight. Bay made a brilliant move in bringing back Peter Cullen to voice Optimus Prime because those lines in any other voice just would’ve sound idiotic. In Peter Cullen’s voice it’s just the way Prime talks. And look for a minor cameo by Mr. Tom Lenk (Andrew from Buffy) as Analyst #2. Oh and the voice of Jazz is none other than Eddie, the brother from Family Matters. Who knew? Michael Bay is smart enough to not take this one seriously (see a part in the movie where a character actually says “This is like a 100 times better than Armageddon!”). My only grip is that they really don’t spend a lot of time with the “characters” of the Transformers. A few of the Decepticons literally just show up for the finale (and the uber-product placement Transformers at the end are asinine. Even in a movie like this where everything is product placement.) So go ahead, don’t worry about seeing anything other than sh%# getting blown up, and enjoy yourselves.

With Studio 60 ending I have to admit I’m a little sad to see it go. The last episodes just seemed to be Aaron Sorkin letting loose and not giving a damn since the show wasn’t coming back and I think it made for a much better, more natural flow to the show. Intelligent comedy is a hard thing to come by these days and this show pulled it off well even if it was on it’s soapbox the entire time it was doing so.

Flight of the Conchords – Not sure if it’s brilliant or just stupid. The manager character, Murray, seems little too much of a rip-off of Ricky Gervais’ agent Darren from Extras. But the music has been friggin’ hilarious.

News and Notes:

E3 fast approaches. Though this year it’s a mini-E3 look for some big news to still emerge. Check out the Smash Bros site which is updated daily. Some really cool stuff coming down the line on that game.

Now the Zelda is over I’ve moved on to Super Paper Mario. The first boss was named Fracktail. How could this game not be brilliant? Also on deck: Order of the Phoenix.

Speaking of which, I’m blasting through the first 6 books. I’m 3 chapters into book 5. I’m going to do it by the 21^st. Only 1400 pages left to go!

Rangers picked up Gomez and Drury?!?! Holy $%@&!!! That’s it. If they can’t pull it off with these guys, they’re just not gonna.

Thanks to Erin I have joined the XM revolution. Ok, so maybe not quite a revolution, but being able to listen to the Mets game on the way home from NY made for a much easier trip.

Until next time:

“Matthew, don't take this the wrong way, but I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Did you take it the wrong way?”

“I took it to mean you're gay and you want me.”

I think this time I'm actually gonna kill him... Yup, this is the one.

Mustard: Giddy Up.

Wow, in one week we had polar opposites in season finales.

On the completely amazing end: Lost. I’m not just talking about the flash forward switch up (which was pretty damn ballsy on the writers’ part) but the entire episode just fit together to put next season on the must watch list: the other Others coming to the island, the fallout from the battle on the beach, Locke’s confrontation with Jack (and his vision of Walt), Penny having confirmation that Desmond is now on the island. Not to mention the other great moments: Hurley’s van to the rescue, Sawyer “not believing” Tom, and Charlie’s sacrifice. Rest in peace little hobbit. The flash forward only served to give a little confirmation that maybe these crazy writers do have a end game plan.

On the confirmation-that-this-season-was-a-complete-waste: 24. What the frack happened with this show? Everything gets wrapped up in a nice neat happy little package with the lone exception that Jack has decided to let Audrey go? Like we really gave a crap about this all season? Chloe’s pregnant? Originality just flows out of the pores of this show. I honestly think it would’ve been better if I just stopped watching after the bomb went off in Episode 4. Everything since then has just been worthless.

Veronica Mars: The last few episodes put that familiar edge back (Veronica’s revenge on the college dickhead who sent around the video of her and Piz). Another soft cliffhanger finale which would’ve been fine for a season finale but sure not a series. Go eff yourself CW.

So I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 this weekend and saw 3 in theaters. I gotta say, it’s lucky I had someone who was pushing me to go see 3 because Dead Man’s Chest was really really disappointing. From the 20 minutes of unnecessary cannibal shenanigans to the complete dumping on the character of Jack Sparrow (he was the lovable faux-cowardly scoundrel in the first movie. In the second he was just a cowardly douche bag) to the ambiguous romantic troubles of Kiera Knightley’s character (why exactly do we keep hinting at her wanting Sparrow over Will?). Sure the Davey Jones character was an excellent addition, the zombie monkey was hilarious and the last minute reveal of Barbossa was a great twist. But overall I felt almost every minute of the 2 ½ hour running time and didn’t enjoy myself nearly enough to compensate.

So I reluctantly was pushed into going to At World’s End a few days later. What a difference. Did the writers just get hit in the head a few times after the first movie and recovered in time for the third? Honestly, At World’s End fixes all the problem Dead Man’s Chest had and once again feels like the crazy, fun filled adventure the first movie gave us. Jack Sparrow is back to being completely insane and lovable again. The running time is still ridiculously long but you enjoy yourself this time. Sure the plot gets so complex at one point that you stop really trying to figure it out (which helps, because eventually it comes together somewhat coherently by the end) but the fun is back and that’s what matters. Jeffrey Rush’s performance is probably as enjoyable as Johnny Depp’s. The finale is the action packed special effects extravaganza that Spider-man 3 only wishes in it’s dreams it could achieve. The ending is not as perfectly happy as a normal Disney movie (though once again, stay through the credits). And the undead monkey pulls a gun on the parrot. What more do you want? If you loved the first movie and were extremely let down by the second, go see this one. You won’t be disappointed.

News and Notes:

Anaheim vs Ottawa? Not exactly a ratings juggernaut for the NHL. But I’m pulling for Anaheim.

Yankees are currently 14 ½ games out of first. Hahahahahahahaha. Welcome, Roger Clemens, to the pit of despair.

Why didn’t Peter just fly himself away on Heroes? I still don’t get it.

Until next time:

“And Ted, you'll be playing Blonde Doctor, get in character.”

“Ok, falling in love with you, long blond hair. Talking very fast. Talking very fast. Frick! Frick! Ok, I'm ready.”

Veronica Mars Cancelled...

F#@% the WB. F#@% them up their stupid a$$h0l3s.

We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at Threat Level: Midnight.

Mustard like it’s 1999…

So with the release of Spider-man 3 this weekend I’d say it’s time for:

JEFF’S TOP 5 ANTICIPATED FILMS OF SUMMER.

Knocked Up – I’ll admit that I didn’t find The 40 Year Old Virgin to be the funniest movie in the history of all moviekind like everyone else in this world apparently did (at least until Borat came along). But I still think Judd Apatow is a comedic genius dating all the way back to Heavyweights (we don’t count nor do we ever mention the words “Celtic Pride”). Add that to a movie starring Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd (the best parts of Virgin) and Katherine Heigl (what is up with her and unfortunate hookups?) and I’m looking forward to this one.

Ratatouille – Brad Bird and Pixar’s last joint venture was The Incredibles. What more do I have to say?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – I originally was not going to have any sequels on this list but the latest trailers for it have really got me excited for this one. This could be the best one since Prisoner of Azkaban.

The Simpsons Movie – Come on, you really didn’t think this wasn’t gonna be here? I have absolutely no idea if it’s going to be any good but the teasers have been all sorts of brilliance so things are looking up. Now if they just had Conan O’Brian helping them out with the script. I miss the good ol’ days.

And the 5^th slot belongs to… Nothing. I looked through the rest of movies and quite frankly, I just have nothing that really gets me jumping up and down. I’m looking forward to movies such as Spider-man/Shrek/Pirates x3. And I’m intrigued by things like Matthew Vaughn’s Stardust or Zach Braff and Jason Bateman in The Ex. And of course I’ll see Michael Bay’s pièce de résistance, Transformers. But I’m not bouncing up and down excited for any of them. So to make up for the lack of a fifth I give you:

JEFF’S TOP 5 FILMS OF SUMMER THAT PROVE HUMANITY’S PERCH ON THE EDGE OF OBLIVION

DOA: Dead or Alive – It’s a movie based on a martial arts video game notorious for its real physics engines designed around the female characters’ boobs. I shit you not. And it has Kevin Nash.

I Could Never Be Your Woman – Look, I realize that Hollywood won’t stop until it’s named a movie after every song Frank Sinatra ever sang, but when they name a movie after crappy late 90’s Cake-wannabe song, it’s for the studio heads to find something better to do with their time…perhaps jumping out high-rise windows?

I Now Prounouce You Chuck and Larry – A movie about two fire fighters (played by Adam Sandler and Kevin James) who pretend to be gay to get domestic partner benefits. Will Kevin James’ star ever stop rising?

Skinwalkers – IMDB actually lists this as James Isaac’s “followup” to Jason X. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s humanly possible for a movie like Jason X to have a “followup”. Then again I didn’t think it was possible for a movie to rip off Underworld but Skinwalkers has me there too.

Bratz the Movie – Starring Paula Abdul….. I’m just eff-ing speechless.

News and Notes:

Why is it that every time I go to a Mets/Nats game it’s a one run, 5 hit affair? Seriously, the game on Saturday was less than 3 hours long.

Rangers fighting back against those Sabers. They can tie it up tonight.

Wow, Brady Quinn… just painful to watch. Ah well, he’ll end up just fine and now he’s not a quarterback on a horrible team who just gave it’s best receiver to the Pats. Sorry JaMarcus.

24… getting very very sleepy. Course crazy person Audrey is kinda funny.

Drive: Not bad and I’m kind of intrigued. Sadly it’s been canceled and now we’ll never know. Poor Tim Minear. He just can’t win.

Veronica Mars!!! Back tonight!!!

Until next time:

“I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.”

“Yeah? Well I'm calling the "Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline"!”

There. No one liked my haircut so now they can all just suck it.

Mustard: it does get a kick out of champagne.

In video game console news, first quarter console sales came out and Nintendo beat the hell out of everyone with over 1 million Wiis sold. This was second only to the Nintendo DS with 1.2 million sold (and yet I don't know a single person who owns a DS). Sony's PS3 is selling piss poorly comparatively with only 500,000 sold. It was outsold by the PS2. Sony, in full damage control/BS mode, has claimed that this is due to supply shortages caused by the European launch. This would be a fine reason if not for the fact that you can walk into almost any electronics store these days and pick up a PS3 easily. Maybe Sony should just admit that they don't have a single game to justify a $600 console. And yes, the PS2 is a great, cheap console with loads of great games. But I don't remember the original XBox schooling the 360 in sales nearly 6 months after its launch.

Rome: could have been one of the best series finales EVER. Honestly, the last name on the written by credits could’ve been Whedon, Minear or Espenson and I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Have you ever tried Diet Mountain Dew? It tastes like the water left behind by the melted ice in a finished margarita. Only without the hint of alcohol that makes you want another.

Um…so where the hell is Prison Break going with this?

Rangers: From not making the playoffs to sweeping the 3^rd seed Thrashers? Why not?

Mets are looking good. Congrats to David Wright for breaking the Mets hit streak at 25 games and counting. Now let’s get some of that power back, what do you say? Also we need desperately to get someone other than Oliver Perez on our rotation. Wherefore art thou Pedro?

Wow, A-Rod isn’t just saying “I told you so” to last year’s detractors. He’s saying “I told you so, now go f#$% yourselves!”. Good for him.

Random week, no?

Until next time:

"God, I can't believe I'm getting my C-Section today."

"Did, uh, did you forget to tell anyone?"

"No, I told the nanny to stay overnight and my mom booked a flight for next week and I'm meeting the O.B. at the hospital in two hours."

"Ah-hem."

"Did I not tell you?"

"You did not."

"I could've sworn I texted you"

It's a St. Patrick's Day Miracle!

Per MSNBC.com:

"CBS on Thursday unveiled an agreement with YouTube, the online video site, to form a special web channel featuring clips and highlights from the annual "March Madness" college basketball tournament."

"Quincy Smith, president of CBS Interactive, said basketball fans would be posting tournament footage on YouTube in any case, and that the agreement reflected the media group's strategy to reach out to them rather than trying to discourage them."

A media company getting the fact that it can use the internet's most popular video sharing portal to increase it's market reach and consumer experience and even generate revenue? I think hell may have just frozen over.

A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that’s why so many other people in my class were kids…self-fulfilling prophecy.

Mustard: It’s still here.

So this update has just been forever in coming, hasn’t it? Anyways onto…

MADNESS!!! Of the March persuasion that is. Look I agree that Syracuse probably got a bum deal. But it’s just pathetic of a coach to bitch and moan about it because in the end if they had played better basketball they wouldn’t have had to worry about falling off the bubble. They’re in the ridiculously good Big East which already gets a ton of teams in so when you only win 22 games and get bounced in round 2 of the conference tourney, don’t expect to be a lock to make the tournament.

I still need to fill out the bracket but can the Irish beat Oregon in Rd. 2? Hmmmmm…

Oh and someone PLEASE, for all that is good and holy, stop showing pictures of Joakim Noah. I can’t knock his basketball ability but holy crap, this could be the ugliest man alive. And it’s not just the sweaty, basketball playing look. I’ve see him in person at the airport. He is that ugly. Someone give the man a razor or at least wax his upper lip. He’s the got the ugly mustache-like growth of a 6^th grader whose parents haven’t bought him an electric razor yet.

Ok, this is ridiculous, Tony Almeida gets shot in the neck and is able to make a full recovery by the end of the day. Morris gets a power drill bored into his back multiple times and just a few hours later is completely up and running with no signs of pain whatsoever. President Logan gets stabbed in the shoulder with a fruit paring knife and is at death’s door? Come on 24! I can suspend disbelief just fine but at least let’s keep it consistent.

So my latest movies: Zodiac and 300.

Zodiac is one of those movies like the Aviator. I really enjoyed it, it was a bit too long as it seemed the director couldn’t cut anything out, and had good strong performances. It’s not Fincher’s best by a long shot but it’s still a good movie.

I don’t understand a lot of these negative reviews of the 300. It’s a great movie for what it is and that is primarily an accurate conversion of a graphic novel to screen. It’s all about the visuals. People keep ripping on the plot being thin. Well no shit, the plot is supposed to incredibly simple: King Leonidas of Sparta leads 300 soldiers to hold off an invasion by the innumerable Persian army. The movie has a lot more dialogue than its source material. The look of the movie is outstanding. It’s visceral, stylized and innovative. My only knocks on the movie are that some of the scenes added to movie from Miller’s original work seem a little weak. And in one scene, for absolutely no reason, the film’s composer pulls a Scorpion King and just out of nowhere inserts a sequence of cheesy 90’s power chords that just left me wondering “where the hell did that come from”? I still have my doubts that anyone can pull off a successful Watchmen movie, but at least Snyder has earned himself a go at it.

News and Notes:

While most people are looking at College Hoops right now, hats off to the Notre Dame hockey team, finishing up the year ranked #1 in the country. Now on to the Frozen Four!

Are people really looking forward that much to a Grey’s Anatomy spinoff? Really?

I’m terrified of what the Mets pitching rotation is going to look like this year. They better hope their bats actually manage to improve (which is actually a distinct possibility).

Do I pick Kansas to go the distance? Decisions, decisions…

Until next time:

“Yeah, I don't see what's insane about not wanting spiders to lay eggs in my corn flakes. That's how Carla's mom died.”

“No it wasn't!”

“You're supposed to be my best friend!”

Hiya! My name is Bob Kelso and I like whores.

I got nothing but random Mustard:

I like Heroes and all but is anyone else praying that they kill Ando off? He’s officially surpassed the TV Stupidity Threshold and therefore is need of a good case of death. Also they need to watch out because quite frankly, unless they kill him off, Peter makes pretty much every other hero obsolete. He only need to be around someone once and can then permanently use their powers? While it makes for a cool scene (a la his smackdown with Isaac), he’s now officially more powerful than Sylar and that defeats the number one rule of superheroes: don’t have any one hero be stronger than the villain. Otherwise, why do you need the rest of them?

So how great was Whedon’s office episode? The last scene with Dwight chasing the bat around the kitchen had me rolling.

After tonight, there’s only one more Veronica Mars left before the CW puts it on a month long hiatus so it can broadcast a large pile of money being set on fire. Don’t cha?

I am so far behind in 24, I’ve probably missed three instances of Jack Bauer torturing someone and at least 589 usages of the word “damnit”.

It’s coming:

Zelda has slowly begun to consume my life. I’m ok with that.

Until next time:

“I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.”

“Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch!”

“Well then, buy me a boa and drive me to Reno, because I'm open for business!”