Why Hellboy II will be the greatest movie of the summer

And why I love James Lipton

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

So why didn't anyone tell me How I Met Your Mother was so damn funny? Seriously, this is a show that takes me back to the very best years of Scrubs. Neil Patrick Harris has mined his comedic genius first discovered in Harold and Kumar to new levels and Jason Segal has a steady job. Who knew?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - What the hell, George Lucas? 3/4 of a good Indiana Jones movie spoiled by an ending that was so overt in it's supernatural elements that I was left unable to argue with Erin when she turned to me and said "This is retarded." The whole point of Indiana Jones is that the supernatural/theological elements are left mostly unexplained. That's how I can accept the Ark of the Covenant killing/melting the faces of the Nazis. But there's nothing left ambiguous about this ending (which decided that theology was too outdated, let's go X-Files). Which is too bad because I was enjoying the hell out of myself for the first 3/4 of the movie or, what I'll term, the Spielberg parts. Good chases scenes, action, comedy all rolled into one with Harrison Ford's smirk making me forget how long ago it was he was last in big fun roles like this. Shia LaBeouf didn't really piss me off all that much and the rest of the cast does fine with what it's got. It didn't help that John Hurt is cast in another Prof. Bruttenholm role which Dwain summed up nicely after the "Space between spaces" line by stating "You know, where Hellboy lives." So I'm giving up on Lucas. Sorry, I'll go back to my original trilogies and enjoying the fun that was the 80's. Maybe I'll watch this movie on DVD and just stop once they get to the "Kingdom".

News and Notes:

Joss Whedon finally finishes up his astounding run on Astonishing X-men today. I'm actually excited for comic book. I'm a little sad.

Interesting Q&A session with Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro on the Hobbit movies: http://www.wetanz.com/holics/index.php?itemid=695&catid=2#more

Ok, so the Mets won a game against the Marlins. Now let's make it 2 in a row and we're only 4.5 out. Baby steps...

Until next time:

"Miracle!"

"A pencil entered Barney's nose and you call it a miracle?"

"Do you have a better explanation for it?"

"A drunk jackass with a box of pencils?"

"A drunk jackass called God and a box of pencils called Destiny"

I've always loved fortune cookies. You reach into the bowl and randomly select something that applies to you and only you.

Mustard: So absent lately.

Iron Man:
Take everything you loved about Spider-Man. The action, the comedy, the fun. And then take away what you didn't like: A whole lot of saccharine, nail grating dialogue that even the greatest acting talent in the world couldn't pull off let alone Kirstin Dunst. That's Iron Man. Robert Downey Jr. is everything you could have hoped for as Tony Stark and more. Sure Toby Maguire has the funny/nerdy side of Peter Parker down. Robert Downey Jr. has the funny/cool/bit of a jerk side of Tony Stark. He's George Clooney in a Metal suit. Hell, even the slightly generic Iron Monger villain works out terrific thanks to Jeff Bridges portrayal (hey Willam Defoe, it is possible to be tiny bit over the top without needing the Heimlich from chewing so much scenery). I won't say this definitely the best Marvel movie ever but it's right up there with Spidey 2 and X2.

Mario Kart Wii:
Ok, I really came in not expecting much from this game. Yeah, it's Mario Kart and the only game I may have played more than the original Mario Kart was Mario Kart 64. But I just wasn't as blown away by Double Dash (despite being one of the few who did enjoy the 2 rider gimmick) and hadn't heard a whole lot of great things about this one. I still am not a huge fan of choosing your kart but other than that, this game kicks ass. The bikes are a neat addition. The online mode is the best time I've had playing online with the Wii, and the throwback tracks bring back some great memories (Mario Raceway from N64... the amount of time spent trying to break the 2 minute mark on that sucker). And it's the first game since Wii Sports to have really good Mii integration. I'm racing as me! Woo! It's Mario Kart at it's best so what are you waiting for?

Netflix Roku:
Look, this is a cool box for those of you who don't have laptops or media pc, but it's not the panacea of digital media people are making it out to be and it's not really all that much of a competitor to the appleTV. Granted, the appleTV is a niche market but it's a media server. You can store files on it and play them. The Roku basically just take the place of hooking my laptop up via an S-video cable to my TV. Great it you don't have a laptop, but talk to me when it's got a hard drive and can play stored files. And for all those reports about how few Netflix Top 100 movies are available for watch instantly, these are the current top 10:

• Crash
• The Departed
• The Pursuit of Happyness
• Little Miss Sunshine
• Walk the Line
• Mr. and Mrs. Smith
• The Devil Wears Prada
  
• Blood Diamond
• Hotel Rwanda
• The Notebook

It's not like they're the hottest movies out right now.

News and Notes:

They've announced Runaways. Now get Brian K. Vaughn to script it and Joss Whedon to direct and this could be an amazing movie. Get Don Payne to script and Brian Robbins to direct and we can weep for the future.

So the Mets were just handed a 4 game sweep by the Braves. F&*@!!!

Indiana Jones tonight. Show us you can still handle Lucas' writing, Spielberg. Please!

Until next time:

"Is she okay? Is my mom alright?"

"Calm down, Tolchuck. If something were seriously wrong, I would've found you myself, which reminds me, you know which class Kenny Henderson's in?"

"What? No!"

"Mmm...I would not want to be him right now."

When life gives you lemons, just say 'F&%@ the lemons' and bail ... aka my Summer Movie Preview

Mustard: Like the Incredible Hulk without Ang Lee.

Iron Man:
I still can't believe Jon Favreau cast Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. Is there anyone enjoying a better resurgence in his career right now? He's suddenly the new Johnny Depp (and if you don't think Johnny Depp had a slump in his career you haven't seen The Ninth Gate or the Astronaut's Wife). In addition to Downey, it's got Terrence Howard, Jeffrey Lebowski, Stan Winston doing the practical effects plus the guy Sayid killed on last week's Lost. I mean even Gwyneth Paltrow can't annoy the hell out me in this movie, can she? Right? Maybe?

Wall*E:
It's a cruel twist of life that I've seen both Rush Hour 3 and Smoking Aces but I've yet to see Ratatouille. Hopefully this will be rectified soon. But I am excited for any new Pixar flick that may or may not have ripped off it's main character's design from Short Circuit. Yes Virginia, Johnny Five is alive.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:
It's Indiana Frakkin' Jones. I wouldn't't care if Harrison Ford used a walker the entire movie. I don't care that George Lucas lost all story writing credibility with Episodes 1-3. It's directed by Spielberg. It has Cate Blanchett, Ray Winstone, and a freakishly unaged Karen Allen. Let's just hope there's some face melting left in. I'm still traumatized by the heart rip from Temple of Doom.

The Dark Knight:
Sure, the death of Heath Ledger is going to make this a little eerie but after the disappointment of Superman Returns and the outright cancellation of Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman (Damn you Warner Bros!), it's time for DC to get a major quality movie back out there. Who knows? We might not even miss Katie Holmes (read: we won't miss Katie Holmes).

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
The first Hellboy was a wonderful movie and anyone who doesn't agree is just plain wrong. Guillermo Del Toro has a few more Oscar statuettes to prove his case as a quality storyteller and I'm looking forward to Ron Perlman being back in the red makeup. And then we move on the The Hobbit. Giggity.

The final slot is a two way split: Get Smart and Pineapple Express. The Mel Brooks created Get Smart was quite possibly my favorite TV show when I was young. Don Adams was a comedic genius. So Steve Carell stepping into the shoes is just a dream (I could've made a shoe phone joke there but I'm sure someone already has beaten that joke to death so let's just move on, shall we?). Alan Arkin as the Chief and General Zod as Siegfried are also perfect casting. But the trailer? Not so great. I'm just worried the script and directing are going to turn this into Steve Martin's The Pink Panther. And then I will cry. Pineapple Express on the other hand had a great trailer (which may have unduly influenced me with it's use of M.I.A.'s Paper Planes) and Ed Begley Jr. The latest from Mr. Apatow's clique could be a brilliant stoner comedy or could be dumb as Steve Martin's The Pink Panther. Time will tell.

P.S. Speaking of the Apatow clique, go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Freaking hilarious.

Until next time:

"There's only one cure for pain like that."

"What?"

"Weed. Ya got any?"

"No."

"Well then let's just go surfing!"

If it couldn't be Peter Jackson...

Guillermo Del Toro! Yes!!!

Guillermo del Toro to direct 'Hobbit'

Please let Ron Perlman be the voice of Smaug. Please let Ron Perlman be the voice of Smaug. Please let Ron Perlman be the voice of Smaug.

I just don't see what wrong with having a nice glass of wine with a pancake.

Mustard: Mahalo version.

So just back from a nice trip to Oahu where I did indeed managed to get up on the surf board. I have the pictures to prove it:





Can someone tell me what's going on with airline services? I realize that airlines are trying to cut down on costs but when you're only giving me one mini-bag of pretzels and The Devil Wears Prada for a 6 hour flight, that's pretty pathetic. Speaking of terrible in-flight movies:

Rush Hour 3 - A thousand monkeys typing on a thousand typewriters would scream and throw their poo at the screen if ever forced to watch this worthless waste of celluloid. I now retroactively hate X3 even more after seeing this latest abomination of Brett Ratner.

The Golden Compass - I consider myself a pretty intuitive guy when it comes to movies. And I can watch a disjointed movie and usually find myself accepting convoluted or even gapping holes in logic. But even after wikipedi-ing the source material for this movie, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Not to mention Nicole Kidman doesn't speak in a normal voice the entire movie. She whispers every single line she has like she's just awestruck to be acting opposite a CG monkey. And I like Freddy Highmore. In general he's one of the few child actors who doesn't either outright suck at acting or who doesn't overcompensate by chewing the scenery Broadway style. But he just is terrible in the voice over role. Maybe it's due to recording his lines alone in a studio but he never seems to be conversing in the same tone as the real actors he's supposed to be talking to.

News and Notes:

Finally watched 3:10 to Yuma. What is up with Alan Tudyk always being killed after a funny one liner?

Baseball season is back. C'mon Mets, let's get those bats going. And stop having your pitchers getting injured.

Summer movie season is almost upon us. Stay tuned for the summer movie preview. Coming soon to a Mustard near you.

Until next time:

"It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords man, there's always only two of them."

"Did you just Star Wars us?"

Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

Mustard: Like a Guinness on St. Patrick's Day.

Lá Fhéile Pádraig sona daoibh! I hope you're all out following the companies take line and drinking Guinness responsibly. But probably not.

Has anyone else noticed how hard it is to find a movie in theaters you actually want to go see? Sure, I kinda want to see both Semi Pro and In Bruges but with the ease of Netflix and the movie studios feverous desire to release movies on DVD within minutes of their box office revenue taking a dip, it's getting harder and harder to justify paying $10 for a non-prime movie in theaters. I'm sure studio execs would hate to hear that but they just posted record revenue for 2008 based on those higher ticket prices so they can wipe the the tears away with ten dollar bills.

Smash Bros - I love this game. I'm a little annoyed at all the bashing about the Sub Space Emissary Story Mode and all the complaints that it amounts to glorified fan fiction. Hello? What do you think Smash Bros is? It's a fighting game in which Mario can take on Link and Kirby can beat up on Star Fox. It's literally the old "who would win in a fight" discussion. And you're upset when this doesn't yield a Michael Gondry-esque narrative (actually given the increasingly surreal scripts he's generated lately, he might have come up with something like this)? So for Sakurai's sake, lay off the "story doesn't make sense" whining and just enjoy the fact that the cut scenes are entertaining, the mode is something new and different for the series and the game itself is still unbelievably fun. Now if you don't mind I'm gonna go practice a little more so my wife will stop beating me with Kirby (that frakking cooking smash).

News and Notes:

Notre Dame vs. George Mason in round one. It'll be interesting around here for that game.

Baseball is almost upon us. Amen to that.

The Return of Jezebel James - new show by Amy Sherman Palladino. It's ok but that laugh track is so horrendous. It absolutely kills the humor.

Until next time:

"So, you just finished off the bottle?"

"Well, I had to. It's vodka, you know. It goes bad once it's opened."

"I think that's another one of mum's little fibs. You know, like, I'll sacrifice anything for my children."

God Bless Jon Favreau

Drink and be merry, for tomorrow we will be in a great deal of pain

Mustard. So hot right now. Mustard.

Back from a ridiculously quick weekend trip to San Francisco by way of San Jose. Due to my inability to properly calculate distances, Erin and I managed to pull of a 12 mile walking tour of the city including the harbor, Chinatown and some of the sketchiest areas of a major city I've ever walked through. But damned if we weren't going to see those Full House houses. Needless to say, after all that walking I've been doing a wonderful impression of Javier Bardem's Oscar winning performance sans the terrible hair and bolt pistol.

Speaking of the Oscar's, someone was looking down from on high this Sunday at the Oscars when 'Falling Slowly' from Once took the prize for best song over a trio of Disney songs. Amen to that. Seriously, if you haven't seen the movie yet, the scene with that song is easily the best music moment in a movie since Stillwater belted out 'Tiny Dancer' on a cross country bus trip. Even the performance at the Oscars was oustanding as was Jon Stewart's save of poor Markéta Irglová who was almost gipped out of her acceptance speech.

Can someone explain to me how 2 different Black Eyed Peas got cast in two major movies? will.i.am gets cast in the upcoming Wolverine movie and Taboo is going to be in the new Street Fighter movie. Two questions come to mind. One, is this because Fergie suddenly became a break out single star and the rest of the band is heading the way of No Doubt and Matchbox 20, waiting for the star to get bored of their solo pop status to make a pity album with them? Two, how did Taboo get screwed on this casting? Talk about losing the coin toss. Do you think they'll at least give him a speech worthy of the Street Fighter name:





News and Notes:

So read the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier. I get it Alan Moore. You're smarter and much better read than I am. Thanks for making me feel next to illiterate.

If you're not on board the Jonathan Coulton train, you're not living.

The Browns look to be tendering a 3 year, $20 million offer to Derek Anderson. Sucks to be Brady Quinn right now.

Variety reports that Jeffrey Katzenberg is blaming videogames for the weaker than expected sales of Shrek 3 on DVD. Apparently Katzenberg has never seen the movie. He's lucky he managed to bamboozle $300 million out of people in the theaters with that worthless cash-in.

Until next time:

"Is that the woman you lost your virginity to?"

"Who?"

"The one that looks like Ronnie Corbett."

"That is Ronnie Corbett. Why would she be wearing a tuxedo?"

"She might be a lesbian."

"Then why would I lose my virginity to a lesbian?"

"Don't know. She might have turned lesbian after you slept with her."

But will he bring a gun to a knife fight?

First Oscar Prediction

A pun will be made involving 83 year old Ruby Dee's nomination for best supporting actress for American Gangster, 82 year old Hal Holbrook's nomination for best supporting actor for Into the Wild and No Country For Old Men's best picture nomination. And it will suck.

An open letter to the HFP

Dear Hollywood Foreign Press:

The Savages is not a comedy. While it has a comedic moment or two (mostly in an awkward sense), is it for the most part a tragic look at the conditions facing the elderly in our society and the effects this has on their families. It is a very good movie with excellent performances by both Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney. It would seem that Ms. Linney was left off the nomination list because, unlike Mr. Hoffman, she does not have that one particular scene where she manages to go on a large rant which is apparently needed by you voters in order to earn a nomination. Yes, what a pity that subtlety is not longer valued in an actor's repertoire. But I digress. When I walk out of a movie emotionally exhausted, I'm afraid I'm not thinking, "Remember that one part where Philip Seymour Hoffman is in that portable traction sling and looks ridiculous? Ha ha, what a funny movie." Really, I can only come to two conclusions: One, that you didn't actually see this movie. Two, you are all sick sick people who find dismal portrayals of dysfunctional families dealing with terrible situations funny. In the words of my wife, "this was one of the most depressing movies I've ever seen." You can recognize great performances but let's be a little intelligent about what type of movie they're in, what do you say?

Sincerely,
Mr. Snow

P.S. Next letter we start talking about why you can't eliminate the "musical" clarification entirely. If it's a musical drama, just put it there.

Fisher Smash Star Trek!

Ok, random news here:

Fisher Stevens has been cast on Lost. You may remember him from his many memorable sidekick roles such as trying to make Steve Guttenburg looks like a scientist in Short Circuit, trying to make Angelina Jolie look like a computer hacker in Hackers or trying to make the entire movie look like it didn't suck in Super Mario Bros. He's also the other guy on Early Edition. The one who didn't end up on Friday Night Lights.

Great news: Sonic the Hedgehog is in Smash Bros Brawl. Finally Nintendo fans can beat the hell out of that snotty blue bastard for all the "Sega Genesis Rules!" crap we had to put with in the early 90s. Ooh, my Mortal Kombat has blood in it. Yeah, well mine doesn't and the controls suck on both of them so bite me!

Not Great news: Smash Bros Brawl delayed until February 10th. Damnit!

Latest casting new on the new Abrams Trek movie:

Mr Sulu - John Cho. Any time either Harold or Kumar get cast in a role, I'm happy for them. Except in Superman Returns. Kumar really had no reason to be in there.

Scotty - Simon Pegg. That's just freaking awesome! Now cast Edgar Wright and Nick Frost at red shirts who get killed by Eric Bana. I'm begging you here!

Stop or I'll kick you in the testicles!

It's been a while since the Mustard updated, but the historic collapse of the New York Mets down the homestretch sent me into a week long bender in Vegas. And no, the early exit from the playoffs of the Yankees has done nothing to staunch the steady stream of expletives pouring forth my mouth everytime the "amazin-s" are mentioned. We shall speak no more of them.

Holy Our Mother of the Lake! The Irish actually won a game! Against UCLA no less! It's a St. Patrick's Day miracle. No, I don't care to hear about the wretched play of the Bruins 3rd string QB. It's not my fault that we Carson Palmer-ed Ben Olson. I'm taking my win and hugging it tight. I've got some Eagles coming up on the horizon and am already dreading the thought of yet another year of my sister's victorious jabs.

Are Reaper and Chuck the same show? And who would win in a fight? Adam Baldwin or Ray Wise? I mean on one hand you've got a badass who fought Reavers and almost saved Data from Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin's super-intelligent aliens who have never heard of a firewall. On the other you've got a guy who ran someone over with a Zamboni and feeds nuts to squirrels. Just too close to call.

Speaking of which Chuck is suffering from a main character who wants to desperately to be Seth Cohen, I'm amazed they haven't accidentally put Adam Brody in the closing credits instead of Zachary Levi.

I'm enjoying Dirty, Sexy Money but let's face it, these are not the Bluths. And yes, I get that it's more "serious" show but come on, you might as well start the show with "And now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one surrogate son who had no choice but to keep them all together". Damn you Fox!

$43 million. Will you stop giving money to the studios to make Resident Evil movies? You're only encouraging them! Go see the Darjeeling Limited and get some culture, you jackasses. And yes, I did just learn how to pronounce Darjeeling.

News and Notes:

I've realized that my TV week is anchored by Bones right now. I love the show but when it's reached pole position, I think there's something missing in the lineup.

Pushing Daises has whimsy and wonder not to mention a steady stream of dialog to make a Sherman-Palladino jealous. Now let's see them keep it up.

Eric Bana is playing the nemesis (No pun intended. No seriously forget that movie ever happened, I'm begging you) in the upcoming JJ Abrams Star Trek. You got to hand to him, Abrams can cast like no other.

Until next time:

"Sounds like you're a narcoleptic."

"I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?"

"What's the other one?"

"Necrophiliac."

"Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head."

"Me too. I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food... I don't think that anymore."

Look, I dont know if you were just looking for pimp in the phonebook and stopped at "PI."

It's really sad that I just picked up both the new Matt Nathanson and New Pornographers and yet looking ahead at the next few weeks I'm seeing the Shout Out Louds, Rogue Wave, Iron & Wine, Matt Pond PA and Broken Social Scene and thinking to myself, do I really have enough music for now? As for the two new albums, I'm digging both. Matt Nathanson has the "unfortunate" position of growing in popularity and therefore growing in album production which tends to get in the way of the 12 string guitar and vocals that made his previous albums so good. That's not to say it's a bad album, far from it. But whenever I heard songs like Bulletproof Weeks it makes me realize how good a singer/songwriter Nathanson is and how I wish that the accompaniment would pull back a little on the rest of his songs and let Nathanson do his thing.

New Pornographers' Challengers... it kinda of makes me sick how much talent this group has. You could put these 4 albums on permanent loop in the player and I'd be a happy man.

I'm intrigued by Eastern Promises. David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen made an outstanding movie in "A History of Violence" and I'm liking the thoughts of them teaming back up. Add to that Naomi Watts who has yet to reach the point where I can't stand here anymore or what I call "Nicole Kidman" status. Here's hoping that Vincent Cassel avoids chewing every piece of scenery in the room (note: I like Vincent Cassel but the man seems to be aspiring to Nicholson level mastication).

Notre Dame season kicks off this Saturday as the Irish taken on the worst fans in the league in Georgia Tech (sorry Crowley but you know it to be true). I think this could be a decent season for a rebuilding year but Lou Holtz is out of his freaking mind if he thinks the Irish are going 10-2.

News and Notes:

Just finished off Veronica Mars Season 1 on DVD again. Keith Mars is without a doubt my hero. But good god that was one of the greatest seasons of TV ever..... DAMN YOU WB!!!!

Per Michael Ausiello the Halloween episode of Bones will be "wonderful". Tim Minear directing? Just throwing out blatant vicious rumors.

Speaking of my favorite show creator who just cannot catch a break, Minear has a new show at ABC called Miracle Man. Per Hercules at Aintitcool: "It’s about a disgraced ex-televangelist with no faith who starts performing real miracles." I'm going to rise above the easy pun here and just say, Tim, I'm rooting for you.

Until next time:

"Jake, when did we become Republicans?"

"We haven't. We're just going with the flow."

I look like Manila Whore Barbie

Mustard: Read it or else!

Stardust – Gotta say, really surprised how much I enjoyed this movie. This is the best “fairy tale” movie I’ve seen since Princess Bride. And it’s in that same vein, a fantasy flick (we don’t count the LOTR in the same group as that’s a whole ‘nother ball game) that is actually made for an adult audience. Intelligent, funny yet dark enough at times to really be truly good movie. Great cast with Michelle Pfieffer apparently deciding that she needed to make up for lost time (seriously, how many movie has she been in this summer?). Lead Charlie Cox plays his role well in the iconic hero’s journey from wide-eyed naivety to confident champion. Claire Danes is great in the part of the “damsel in distress” but not idiotically helpless or, thank God, post-modernly ironic (see Shrek). And Robert DeNiro…that man is just having the time of his life at this point. Plus throw in fun little cameos by Ricky Gervais, Peter O’Toole and Rupert Everett with the narration by Ian McKellan and you’ve got yourself a great cast. The score itself while not entirely original, is a real stand out and one of the best I’ve heard this year. It really makes me sad that this little gem of a movie is struggling at the box office while Rush Hour 3 is making untold riches and shortening the IQs of moviegoers everywhere. Hopefully it’ll find its deserved appreciation, like so many similar movies, on the DVD shelves.

So can I just say how funny I find it that Guitar Hero III made a huge deal out of getting Slash to be a character in the game. Fine, it’s Slash, I understand. But the next huge addition: Bret Michaels. Really? Of Poison fame? Er, they do realize that it’s called Guitar Hero, not Lead Vocalist of a Crappy 80s Hair Band Hero, right?

New and Notes:

Mets @ the Nats this weekend. And it’s Abraham Lincoln bobblehead night on Saturday to boot (you gotta love/shake your head at DC)!

James Marsters will be on Without a Trace this season. Still not gonna watch it, but good for him.

We almost had Kristen Bell on Lost. She’d rather do Legally Blonde on Broadway? So sad…

Until next time:

“Any idea what our parents do Mondays and Wednesdays from 6 to 10 that requires an overnight bag?”

“As far as I’m concerned they play bingo at the VFW.”

Stop, in the name of American prudishness!

Mustard: With great power comes great responsibility… and a Spider-Pig.

The Simpsons Movie – Can’t help but feel a little let down after seeing it. Don’t get me wrong, it still had some hysterical bits in it. The opening church scene had some classic Simpsons in there and of course Ralph Wiggum (“I like men now.”). But maybe it’s just that after having become disillusioned with the show over it’s past few years to the point where I doubt I saw even half of last season, I had some hopes that they were gonna give us a reminder of the greatest of the show from way back when. And while there are a few of those moments, they sadly only push forward the fact that those days are really gone, probably for good. In one of the movie’s best moments Marge has a monologue directed towards Homer which eerily echoes the Simpsons fans feelings toward their one time favorite show. It’s a sentimental moment which once upon a time were a vital part of the best episodes of the show, getting the viewer to not only laugh with the zany antics of the cast, but also get emotionally attached and care about the Simpsons family. Unfortunately the past few years has been hard pressed to find a genuine moment when you could actually understand why in the hell Marge hadn’t dumped Homer years ago. In the end this movie was definitely better than any episode over the past few years, but at the same time cannot live up to the hype of nearly 20 years of buildup.

So Rob Thomas is now a consulting producer to Big Shots? If you haven’t seen the previews for the new ABC show, imagine a desperate attempt to create a “Sex in the City” for men. Did no one else really want Michael Vartan? Rob Thomas is going to have his hands full turn this thing around.

Brady Quinn finally signs with the Browns. As much as I like the guy, he doesn’t come out of this one looking so great. And before people jump on me about “well, he was just looking for incentives for playing time” it doesn’t matter. He’s missed 2 weeks of training camp with the team and with the Browns needing a legit quarterback, he was in great position to pull an Eli Manning and get in there to be immediately groomed for the starting position. Now he’s got all kinds of goodwill to make up.

News and Notes:

I still can’t really say whether or not the show itself is all that great, but I damn sure want the soundtrack to the Flight of the Conchords whenever it comes out. The songs are nothing short of brilliant.

Bonds hit 756! They hype can now slowly start to die! Can I get an Amen?

Does Mark Texiera joining the surging Braves make me a little nervous? Maybe…

Until next time:

“You've gone mad with power!”

“Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!”

I'm gonna go get some vegetarian chili before they get desperate and add meat.

Mustard: Who could ask for anything more?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Started Saturday morning. Finished up by Saturday night. I’m mighty impressed that Rowling managed to tie up as many loose ends as possible and yet the book did not come off in the least disjointed or feel forced. That is a major testament to her skills as a writer not to mention her planning of the series as a whole. She also proved the she could do just fine outside the normal HP school year format (though she does keep the time frame in tact). The story comes full circle. Characters finish their arcs in a satisfying manner. Some characters don’t make it. Some characters get surprising redemption. I was particularly satisfied by the conclusions of Snape and Neville’s arcs not to mention Kreacher's unexpectedly entertaining roles. The only knocks I can put in were that some of the deaths (and there are plenty) had a little less impact than others. I also thought she spent a little too much time with the Tolkein-esque journey through the wilderness. But in the end I have to commend Rowling for crafting a truly classic series of books which will entertain for generations to come. Oh and the absolutely hysterical and brilliant line by Mrs. Weasley in the next to final chapter. I’d also like to point out that (highlight to read): I was completely right in my July 21 review of HBP that RAB did in fact stand for Regulus Black (though Rowling even had the story behind that be unexpected and interesting).Sure after I posted that many people came to the same conclusion but I still have satisfaction of figuring it out when I first read it.Ha!

Now good look turning that whole thing in the seventh movie. Yikes, that’s a lot to squeeze in.

Watchmen casting news: complete non-A list actors. I have no problem with that. I enjoy Billy Crudup’s work and we’ll see how he works under all the makeup/CGI of Dr. Manhattan. Jeffrey Dean Morgan aka Denny will get to expand his range as he goes from Mr. Likeable to playing a complete a-hole in the form of the cigar chomping Comedian. Be interesting to see if the novel is actually adaptable.

News and Notes:

Simpsons! Simpsons! Simpsons! (“Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does.”)

I won’t lie, the new Reaper trailer had me laughing mighty hard. Damn you CW!

Ok, I get that Zemeckis is trying to push the whole CGI as actors thing and no doubt this all looks much better than Polar Express, but I do not understand why they decided to make some of the characters look identical to the voice actors with the lone exception of Beowulf himself. Honestly right now I feel like they did it just so they didn’t have to pay Russell Crowe a ton of money cause the character sure looks like him and not so much like Ray Winstone (who is actually voicing Beowulf).

Until next time:

“You can't kill me for being Krusty the Klown! I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!”

“The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?”

“Uh, actually, my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumbel.”

“The same Barney Gubmel who keeps taking pictures of my sister?”

“Uh, actually, my real name is...uh, think, Krusty, think...Joe Valanchi!”

“The same Joe Valanchi who squeled to the Senate Committee about Organized Crime?”

“Benedict Arnold!”

“The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender the West Point to the hated British?”

D'oh!”

I don't need your sycophantic laughter. I have some on tape.

Mustard: Like a flash in the pan, er…dark.

Emmy time! Look I’m not gonna go crazy in depth about Veronica Mars once again getting screwed. Or the lack of anything Scrubs. Or Rome. Or Studio 60. I’m just going to make a couple of quick points:

1. So Two and a Half Men has become the new comedy that will always be nominated for everything. Seriously, it’s so good it deserved 7 noms? Fine. At least it’s not effing Yes Dear. Strange though how apparently the female cast members have suddenly stepped up their game to take 2 of the supporting actress nods? Guess it was a slow year.
2. Ricky Gervais nominated for Best Actor? Outstanding. Extras NOT nominated for best Comedy? A travesty.
3. Grey’s Anatomy and Heroes nominated for Best Drama ahead of Lost? A f$%#ing joke.
4. 3 Grey’s Anatomy supporting actresses? Be serious.
5. Kiefer Sutherland was apparently nominated for his work in the first 4 hours of 24. Because everything after that was pure crap.
6. They seriously have not one but two awards for hairstyling? Further reducing all respect I have for the Emmys.

And that’s it for the Emmys. Thank you. Come again.

E3 a little underwhelming, no? Nintendo spent their entire conference showing clips of different news shows talking about the Wii. Then they spent a while on Wii Fit which I’m sure will sell a ton of units. But what about everything else? The announced Mario Kari Wii (with online play!) but only showed a short trailer. They almost completely ignored Smash Bros. The only really big info were the dates of Smash (Dec 3) and Mario Galaxy (Nov. 13). Metroid still supposedly coming out the end of Aug. Let’s see.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Really good. I’m getting used to the trimmings of the books that are increasing with each successive movie (as each successive book gained about 200 pages). The cast continue their strong performances. Alan Rickman gets just a smidge more to do than Goblet of Fire. Imelda Staunton and Evanna Lynch were note perfect as Dolores Umbridge and Luna Lovegood. Gary Oldman is excellent in his last role (depending on book 7) as Sirius. Some roles got trimmed to the point where it was almost distracting having as big a name in there. Helena Bonham Carter made an great Belletrix Lestrange but only has 2 real scenes. Not to mention Emma Thompson and David Thewlis came back for about 2 lines a piece. Ah well, it was a really enjoyable movie over all.

News and Notes:

Yes, I have in fact finished reading all 6 Harry Potters. Not too shabby for starting in June.

Bonds is now 2 away. Let’s just get this over with already, shall we?

It’s a little scary that we’re only a little over a month away from ND football starting up again.

Until next time:

“Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.”

“Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?”

“He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. … But not in that order.”

You try finding a job with nothing on your resume but “Fake Ghost Pirate.”

Mustard…knew I left it around here somewhere.

So yeah, been a while since a real update. Ah the joys of summer. But anyways, let’s dive in…

Transformers – “One will stand. One will fall.” Yes, they actually included that line in the movie. Look, I’m coming right out and saying this is a very dumb movie. For the most part it makes little sense. But it’s a fun friggin’ movie all the same. Come on, you have a movie based off a toy line of giant transforming robots. The fact that I enjoyed the hell out of it is a testament to just how much this movie delivers what it promised: explosions and giant machines beating the crap out of each other. The human actors don’t matter for the most part. Sure Shia LaBeof is a likeable enough dork who manages to get a few funny lines in. I still don’t understand why John Tuturro is in the movie but he’s chewing the scenery like Jack Nicholson’s worst nightmare. Jon Voight is just there being Jon Voight. Bay made a brilliant move in bringing back Peter Cullen to voice Optimus Prime because those lines in any other voice just would’ve sound idiotic. In Peter Cullen’s voice it’s just the way Prime talks. And look for a minor cameo by Mr. Tom Lenk (Andrew from Buffy) as Analyst #2. Oh and the voice of Jazz is none other than Eddie, the brother from Family Matters. Who knew? Michael Bay is smart enough to not take this one seriously (see a part in the movie where a character actually says “This is like a 100 times better than Armageddon!”). My only grip is that they really don’t spend a lot of time with the “characters” of the Transformers. A few of the Decepticons literally just show up for the finale (and the uber-product placement Transformers at the end are asinine. Even in a movie like this where everything is product placement.) So go ahead, don’t worry about seeing anything other than sh%# getting blown up, and enjoy yourselves.

With Studio 60 ending I have to admit I’m a little sad to see it go. The last episodes just seemed to be Aaron Sorkin letting loose and not giving a damn since the show wasn’t coming back and I think it made for a much better, more natural flow to the show. Intelligent comedy is a hard thing to come by these days and this show pulled it off well even if it was on it’s soapbox the entire time it was doing so.

Flight of the Conchords – Not sure if it’s brilliant or just stupid. The manager character, Murray, seems little too much of a rip-off of Ricky Gervais’ agent Darren from Extras. But the music has been friggin’ hilarious.

News and Notes:

E3 fast approaches. Though this year it’s a mini-E3 look for some big news to still emerge. Check out the Smash Bros site which is updated daily. Some really cool stuff coming down the line on that game.

Now the Zelda is over I’ve moved on to Super Paper Mario. The first boss was named Fracktail. How could this game not be brilliant? Also on deck: Order of the Phoenix.

Speaking of which, I’m blasting through the first 6 books. I’m 3 chapters into book 5. I’m going to do it by the 21^st. Only 1400 pages left to go!

Rangers picked up Gomez and Drury?!?! Holy $%@&!!! That’s it. If they can’t pull it off with these guys, they’re just not gonna.

Thanks to Erin I have joined the XM revolution. Ok, so maybe not quite a revolution, but being able to listen to the Mets game on the way home from NY made for a much easier trip.

Until next time:

“Matthew, don't take this the wrong way, but I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Did you take it the wrong way?”

“I took it to mean you're gay and you want me.”