The Coen's are going old school

Bout damn time. Great trailer for their upcoming "No Country For Old Men" Very much them getting back to their "Blood Simple" roots. Definitely excited for this one.

I'd Come Up With A Funny Title But I'm Too Busy Laughing My Ass Off

-eonline

This is, I wanna say anomalous, but I'm going to go with weird.

Mustard – now I want the burger to go with it.

So Sarah Silverman’s Paris Hilton jokes while hosting the MTV Movie Awards? Slightly awkward, no? Still at least she had the balls not to pander to the crowd. The pre-show was almost enough to make me not want to see the upcoming Transformers movie. And Pirates 2 winning best movie? Further proof American youth is made up of worthless peons.

Shrek the Third – What happened? Really disappointing. Couldn’t the writers have come up with something a little better than that? Sure it had a couple of funny moments (Gingerbread Man’s life flashing before his eyes was brilliant and Snow White happy animal song suddenly turning into The Immigrant Song was phenomenal) but I feel like it was one gag set piece into another. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of characters squeezed in just for the sake of having them (why bring Seth Rogan and Ian McShane in if you’re only going to give them 3 lines?). Maybe Shrek has just worn out its welcome and its humorous take on pop culture has reached its saturation point. Not looking forward to the impending train wreck of Shrek 4.

Have you seen list of composers for the new Smash Bros game? It’s a freaking Who’s Who of the video game industry. Sure it doesn’t necessarily mean characters from all these games will be in it but it sure gets the mind a-wondering. A Chrono Trigger character? A guy can dream.

News and Notes:

The overused buzz word for this month: Green Technology.

Entourage Season 3 is over…boooo! Entourage Season 4 starts in two weeks…yay!

How bout those Ducks?

You know if Roger Clemens doesn’t hurry things up he’s going to miss the Yankee ship before it completely burns to the ground.

Until next time:

“You ever hear of the theory that if you kill a butterfly in the past, it can drastically alter the present? Well who knows what else we changed.”

“Tonight on the Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney.”

“Oh, he's good.”

“Comedian Dave Chappelle.”

“He's funny, like him.”

“And musician Harry Connick Jr.”

“Wow, what a show.”

“And now, ladies and gentleman, heeeeeeeeeere's Chevy!”

“Oh god Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!”

Cary Brothers

Ok, this has got to be rectified: people, the man's name is Cary Brothers. It's not like the Super Mario Brothers (though if you believe the movie they're names were actually Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. And Koopa was an evolved T-Rex. The f$%^ was Nintendo thinking?) Cary is his first name. Brothers is his last name. There's only one of him. And no, I don't know why he's singing about going to Canada. But apparently it's a simple place.

I think this time I'm actually gonna kill him... Yup, this is the one.

Mustard: Giddy Up.

Wow, in one week we had polar opposites in season finales.

On the completely amazing end: Lost. I’m not just talking about the flash forward switch up (which was pretty damn ballsy on the writers’ part) but the entire episode just fit together to put next season on the must watch list: the other Others coming to the island, the fallout from the battle on the beach, Locke’s confrontation with Jack (and his vision of Walt), Penny having confirmation that Desmond is now on the island. Not to mention the other great moments: Hurley’s van to the rescue, Sawyer “not believing” Tom, and Charlie’s sacrifice. Rest in peace little hobbit. The flash forward only served to give a little confirmation that maybe these crazy writers do have a end game plan.

On the confirmation-that-this-season-was-a-complete-waste: 24. What the frack happened with this show? Everything gets wrapped up in a nice neat happy little package with the lone exception that Jack has decided to let Audrey go? Like we really gave a crap about this all season? Chloe’s pregnant? Originality just flows out of the pores of this show. I honestly think it would’ve been better if I just stopped watching after the bomb went off in Episode 4. Everything since then has just been worthless.

Veronica Mars: The last few episodes put that familiar edge back (Veronica’s revenge on the college dickhead who sent around the video of her and Piz). Another soft cliffhanger finale which would’ve been fine for a season finale but sure not a series. Go eff yourself CW.

So I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 this weekend and saw 3 in theaters. I gotta say, it’s lucky I had someone who was pushing me to go see 3 because Dead Man’s Chest was really really disappointing. From the 20 minutes of unnecessary cannibal shenanigans to the complete dumping on the character of Jack Sparrow (he was the lovable faux-cowardly scoundrel in the first movie. In the second he was just a cowardly douche bag) to the ambiguous romantic troubles of Kiera Knightley’s character (why exactly do we keep hinting at her wanting Sparrow over Will?). Sure the Davey Jones character was an excellent addition, the zombie monkey was hilarious and the last minute reveal of Barbossa was a great twist. But overall I felt almost every minute of the 2 ½ hour running time and didn’t enjoy myself nearly enough to compensate.

So I reluctantly was pushed into going to At World’s End a few days later. What a difference. Did the writers just get hit in the head a few times after the first movie and recovered in time for the third? Honestly, At World’s End fixes all the problem Dead Man’s Chest had and once again feels like the crazy, fun filled adventure the first movie gave us. Jack Sparrow is back to being completely insane and lovable again. The running time is still ridiculously long but you enjoy yourself this time. Sure the plot gets so complex at one point that you stop really trying to figure it out (which helps, because eventually it comes together somewhat coherently by the end) but the fun is back and that’s what matters. Jeffrey Rush’s performance is probably as enjoyable as Johnny Depp’s. The finale is the action packed special effects extravaganza that Spider-man 3 only wishes in it’s dreams it could achieve. The ending is not as perfectly happy as a normal Disney movie (though once again, stay through the credits). And the undead monkey pulls a gun on the parrot. What more do you want? If you loved the first movie and were extremely let down by the second, go see this one. You won’t be disappointed.

News and Notes:

Anaheim vs Ottawa? Not exactly a ratings juggernaut for the NHL. But I’m pulling for Anaheim.

Yankees are currently 14 ½ games out of first. Hahahahahahahaha. Welcome, Roger Clemens, to the pit of despair.

Why didn’t Peter just fly himself away on Heroes? I still don’t get it.

Until next time:

“And Ted, you'll be playing Blonde Doctor, get in character.”

“Ok, falling in love with you, long blond hair. Talking very fast. Talking very fast. Frick! Frick! Ok, I'm ready.”

Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy, he gets me, he went to Cornell, I trust him... Cons: I don't really trust him.

Mustard… me likey.

So NPD just released game console sales data for April and Nintendo has moved to the number 1 and 2 slots with the DS and Wii. What makes this important is that unlike the other consoles, the Wii is not a loss leader for Nintendo. Sony and Microsoft technically lose money on every PS3 and 360 sold and make up for it with software sales. But if no one is buying their consoles, they’re definitely not going to do that. Microsoft isn’t in as bad a position due to their year head start. But Sony is hurting right now (as their last financials revealed). Nintendo in the meanwhile is doing a little jib and singing “Money Money Money”. The key going forward for Nintendo is their software has to be as engaging as Wii Sports was. I may be looking forward to Mario Galaxy and Smash Bros. but the Gamecube sure wasn’t helped out by similar games. People are buying the Wii because it’s innovative as hell and Wii Sports is the best example of that. So Nintendo, I’m begging you, keep coming out with games like this that’ll have more than just the regular Nintendo Fanboy coming back for more.

Oh and for all you idiot “analysts” out there saying that Sony is already done, maybe you should try waiting a little. They don’t have a single killer app game out yet to drive sales. Once they get a couple of those out combined with an absolutely critical price cut (they’d be idiots not to at this point), Sony may just mount a comeback yet. Not saying they absolutely will but it’s definitely too early to call them DOA.

Caught a sneak preview of Knocked Up last night (gotta love living in DC. The drafthouse is just wonderful). As Erin put it, plotwise it’s pretty much Nine Months…only funny. That really sums it up nicely. That and the cast is a hundred time better. In the world of comedy: Paul Rudd > Tom Arnold. Judd Apatow is just a funny funny man and Seth Rogan is going to get a big a bump from this as Steve Carrell did from the 40 Year Old Virgin. He’s just a great lovable loser. Katherine Heigl gets to show a little more acting range than she’s allowed on Grey’s Anatomy. The cast of Undeclared is great as Rogan’s idiot stoner buddies. Alan Tudyk and Kristen Wiig steal the brief amount of screen time their allowed. Rogan and Rudd’s Mushroom-fueled trip through Vegas is going to be a classic in college dorms everywhere.

News and Notes:

GG and Mars are gone and with Lost and 24 (though I’m still on the fence on whether or not I want to give it another chance after this waste of a season) not coming back til mid-season next year, it’s amazing how free my schedule is gonna be next fall.

Shrek the Third not getting a ton of positive reviews so far. Between that and Spider-man 3’s the studios seem to be running out of luck on trilogies. Then again they’re making a ridiculous amount of money so odds are the studios just don’t give a damn.

Who dies on Lost next week? My bet is on Jack. I just think the writers want to do something no one will believe.

Until next time:

“How are you doing?”

“Not too bad, considering I just had a bomb dropped on me.”

“Oh no, that was bigger than a bomb, more like an asteroid about to hit the planet, you know? People running in the streets screaming "Oh my god, it's coming right at us!", and then dudes turning to hot chicks and being all like "Look, we're about to die so can I hit that?", and then the girls like "Hell to the no!", but then she realises, "Oh my god, I'm about to die, so you know what? Yeah you can hit this, but no kissing."”

“That's exactly what it's like!”

Veronica Mars Cancelled...

F#@% the WB. F#@% them up their stupid a$$h0l3s.

When the Dark Comes Rising...

So Harry over at Aintitcool posted a little teaser article for the upcoming Dark Is Rising adaptation. I just found out about this a few weeks ago and I'm pretty darn excited for it. I loved the Susan Cooper novels way back when and the cast of this has me a little giddy. I always pictured the Merrimen character as a little older and more looking like a Gandalf in the 20th century. But with Ian McShane I just don't care. He's perfect for it. Provided the profanity doesn't start spilling from his mouth. Christopher Eccleston as the Dark Rider? Brilliant. The man freaks the hell out of me and that's exactly what the Rider should do. The stills only add to the happiness:





- via Aintitcool

Must...Buy...Old Spice

Just put the motherfrickin' ring on my motherfrickin' finger! Frick! Frick, frick!

My Musssssssstard…

Spider-man 3: Ok, here’s the deal. I liked the first one. I loved the second one. This one was just sloppy. So much potential that just ends up going nowhere. Honestly, it’s like Sam Raimi, realizing that this was his last Spider-man, couldn’t make up his mind as to what story to tell and therefore put as much in as he could. The end result is that none of them integrated satisfactorily.

The black suit storyline – fine with it amplifying Peter’s already growing ego but when it eventually jumps to Eddie Brock to become Venom (a name never actually mentioned in the movie fyi) it’s suddenly super powerful. Well why didn’t we see this when Peter was wearing it? We’re only told verbally by Peter’s monologue that it’s powerful. The Sandman arc is done fine in that Spider-man needs someone to fight while in the black suit. But they overstep by giving Sandman a sympathetic villain arc which is just adds another plot and never gets resolved. It just ends. The Harry Osborn arc – I get that Raimi has been building this across all 3 movies but it doesn’t really fit in with any of the other storylines. It’s just there so he can finish it. Oh and the Emo Pete thing is ridiculous. Just because he’s “darker” doesn’t mean his haircut has to look like the creepy brother from the Wedding Crashers.

The ending also feels like a tacked on set piece that could’ve come out of a crappy Saturday morning cartoon written by a 5^th grader. Venom and Sandman team up, kidnap Mary Jane and actually taunt Spider-man to “stop us if you can”. No, seriously, this is actually written out on a web. Added to this is a horribly acted newscast just in case you didn’t get it the “gravitas” of the situation. Look, I get that a lot of comic book movies feel the need to put in “wink wink” moments but there are about 25 of them in this movie and they get old quick.

Before I completely turn everyone off seeing this movie (and judging by the opening weekend numbers there are only about 4 of you left), there are some good things. Visually speaking Sam Raimi is still on top of his game. The man just knows how to shoot a pretty looking move with originality and ingenuity in his angles and shots. He’s proven this with the last two movies and it continues here. The next man to step up to the camera for future editions has some big shoes to fill in that department. The actors themselves are good for what little character development the script gives them. JK Simmons should just be given his own movie. However again, there are some returns to the cringe inducing lines that were so prevalent during the first movie. The action pieces are fun and the usual Spider-man fare. The Bruce Campbell cameo is fantastic. I mean easily the funniest cameo he’s had.

In the end you’re gonna see this movie. I personally have no regrets about going to see it. It’s just not the big conclusion to Raimi’s trilogy that I was hoping for (and not just because the final shot is much less fun and heroic than the past 2 movies where Spider-man swings through NY). Now I’ve heard rumors that Raimi was essentially forced to put Venom in this movie (he’s stated multiple times earlier that he didn’t like the character). So maybe his initial movie was going to be tighter and more focused. Sadly we’ll never know. So go see the movie but just be prepared to be ultimately under whelmed and let down.

News and notes:

Damnit, the Rangers are out. Stupid Buffalo.

Elliot and JD again on Scrubs? Really?

Gilmore Girls is headed off into the sunset. Please don’t let the same things happen to Veronica Mars.

Until next time:

“Carla, you're in charge of the guest list. Just make sure that all of my friends are there! Ooh, and Naomi, that bitch from radiology. She's teased me for six years about how she's going to beat me down the aisle. Well she can suck it, her and her fat neck.”

“Invite Fat Neck, got it.”

“If you point out Fat Neck to me I'll keep asking her why she's still single until she cries.”

“Done.”

Breakfast of the Gods

Born out of the same ilk as Fables, a web comic that begins with the murder of the Cheerio's Honey Bee by Frankenberry. Seriously, this is some twisted entertainment right here.

We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at Threat Level: Midnight.

Mustard like it’s 1999…

So with the release of Spider-man 3 this weekend I’d say it’s time for:

JEFF’S TOP 5 ANTICIPATED FILMS OF SUMMER.

Knocked Up – I’ll admit that I didn’t find The 40 Year Old Virgin to be the funniest movie in the history of all moviekind like everyone else in this world apparently did (at least until Borat came along). But I still think Judd Apatow is a comedic genius dating all the way back to Heavyweights (we don’t count nor do we ever mention the words “Celtic Pride”). Add that to a movie starring Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd (the best parts of Virgin) and Katherine Heigl (what is up with her and unfortunate hookups?) and I’m looking forward to this one.

Ratatouille – Brad Bird and Pixar’s last joint venture was The Incredibles. What more do I have to say?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – I originally was not going to have any sequels on this list but the latest trailers for it have really got me excited for this one. This could be the best one since Prisoner of Azkaban.

The Simpsons Movie – Come on, you really didn’t think this wasn’t gonna be here? I have absolutely no idea if it’s going to be any good but the teasers have been all sorts of brilliance so things are looking up. Now if they just had Conan O’Brian helping them out with the script. I miss the good ol’ days.

And the 5^th slot belongs to… Nothing. I looked through the rest of movies and quite frankly, I just have nothing that really gets me jumping up and down. I’m looking forward to movies such as Spider-man/Shrek/Pirates x3. And I’m intrigued by things like Matthew Vaughn’s Stardust or Zach Braff and Jason Bateman in The Ex. And of course I’ll see Michael Bay’s pièce de résistance, Transformers. But I’m not bouncing up and down excited for any of them. So to make up for the lack of a fifth I give you:

JEFF’S TOP 5 FILMS OF SUMMER THAT PROVE HUMANITY’S PERCH ON THE EDGE OF OBLIVION

DOA: Dead or Alive – It’s a movie based on a martial arts video game notorious for its real physics engines designed around the female characters’ boobs. I shit you not. And it has Kevin Nash.

I Could Never Be Your Woman – Look, I realize that Hollywood won’t stop until it’s named a movie after every song Frank Sinatra ever sang, but when they name a movie after crappy late 90’s Cake-wannabe song, it’s for the studio heads to find something better to do with their time…perhaps jumping out high-rise windows?

I Now Prounouce You Chuck and Larry – A movie about two fire fighters (played by Adam Sandler and Kevin James) who pretend to be gay to get domestic partner benefits. Will Kevin James’ star ever stop rising?

Skinwalkers – IMDB actually lists this as James Isaac’s “followup” to Jason X. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s humanly possible for a movie like Jason X to have a “followup”. Then again I didn’t think it was possible for a movie to rip off Underworld but Skinwalkers has me there too.

Bratz the Movie – Starring Paula Abdul….. I’m just eff-ing speechless.

News and Notes:

Why is it that every time I go to a Mets/Nats game it’s a one run, 5 hit affair? Seriously, the game on Saturday was less than 3 hours long.

Rangers fighting back against those Sabers. They can tie it up tonight.

Wow, Brady Quinn… just painful to watch. Ah well, he’ll end up just fine and now he’s not a quarterback on a horrible team who just gave it’s best receiver to the Pats. Sorry JaMarcus.

24… getting very very sleepy. Course crazy person Audrey is kinda funny.

Drive: Not bad and I’m kind of intrigued. Sadly it’s been canceled and now we’ll never know. Poor Tim Minear. He just can’t win.

Veronica Mars!!! Back tonight!!!

Until next time:

“I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.”

“Yeah? Well I'm calling the "Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline"!”

...Hippies

Normally I would never ever advocate supporting David Arquette... but this looks kind of amazing.



Plus come on, it's Thomas Jane!

Scariest Video Ever

And yes I hope someday someone makes a music video dedicated to me.

Yahoo launches lyrics site

How sad is it that it took the record companies this long to allow a major legal lyrics site?

http://music.yahoo.com/lyrics

I saved a life... my own. Am I a hero? I can’t really say, but yes.

Are you frakking kidding me? According the Washington Post, the FCC is now looking to expand their powers to include being able to regulate violence on television including cable. Says FCC Chairman Kevin Martin: “Parents are always the first and last line of defense in protecting their children, but legislation could give parents more tools. I think it would be better if the industry addressed this on its own, but we can also give parents help through regulation.” Yeah, you know what the only tool a parent needs is? The power button on the remote control. It’s a very simple equation: Don’t let your 8 year old son watch 24. Also don’t put a TV in your 8 year old sons bedroom. And finally raise your 8 year old son in such a way where he realizes the difference between fantasy and reality. I know this is a very tough thing to do but if we just put the effort in, perhaps we don’t need the FCC completely overstepping its bounds. But won’t someone please think of the children!?

Alright David Wright, the 26 game hit streak was awesome. Now let’s get that power hitting going again, what do you say? And who would guess that Moises Alou would end up with the 3^rd best batting average in the National League? Mets are in town this weekend. Giggity.

Caught Stranger Than Fiction on DVD. Good, not great. Though the Spoon soundtrack is excellent. The music works amazingly well as a score, even with the lyrics stripped. Was Queen Latifah even needed in the movie? Nothing against her, but her part is relatively minor and truth be told, completely unnecessary to the plot. Just seems strange to put someone as high profile as her in that role.

Also this kicks ass:

News and Notes:

Yeah, I’m so far behind in 24 it’s not even funny.

Beginning to have Veronica Mars withdrawal. Please CW, please pick it up next year.

The sad part about playing Trivial Pursuit is realizing that the only questions I’m good at getting are the music ones. Still damn proud of nailing the Mark Knopler one though. (Also if the term “punk rocker” is used, the answer is Sid Vicious. And if the question asks for a continent, 9 times out of 10 the answer is Antarctica.)

Until next time:

“Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned.”

“Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug.”

“Ok, tell him that’s not true.”

“Dwight says that he actually doesn’t know one single fact about bear attacks.”

“Ok, no, Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run! Jim, tell him!”

“Andy... no it’s too far.”

“Damn you!”

There. No one liked my haircut so now they can all just suck it.

Mustard: it does get a kick out of champagne.

In video game console news, first quarter console sales came out and Nintendo beat the hell out of everyone with over 1 million Wiis sold. This was second only to the Nintendo DS with 1.2 million sold (and yet I don't know a single person who owns a DS). Sony's PS3 is selling piss poorly comparatively with only 500,000 sold. It was outsold by the PS2. Sony, in full damage control/BS mode, has claimed that this is due to supply shortages caused by the European launch. This would be a fine reason if not for the fact that you can walk into almost any electronics store these days and pick up a PS3 easily. Maybe Sony should just admit that they don't have a single game to justify a $600 console. And yes, the PS2 is a great, cheap console with loads of great games. But I don't remember the original XBox schooling the 360 in sales nearly 6 months after its launch.

Rome: could have been one of the best series finales EVER. Honestly, the last name on the written by credits could’ve been Whedon, Minear or Espenson and I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Have you ever tried Diet Mountain Dew? It tastes like the water left behind by the melted ice in a finished margarita. Only without the hint of alcohol that makes you want another.

Um…so where the hell is Prison Break going with this?

Rangers: From not making the playoffs to sweeping the 3^rd seed Thrashers? Why not?

Mets are looking good. Congrats to David Wright for breaking the Mets hit streak at 25 games and counting. Now let’s get some of that power back, what do you say? Also we need desperately to get someone other than Oliver Perez on our rotation. Wherefore art thou Pedro?

Wow, A-Rod isn’t just saying “I told you so” to last year’s detractors. He’s saying “I told you so, now go f#$% yourselves!”. Good for him.

Random week, no?

Until next time:

"God, I can't believe I'm getting my C-Section today."

"Did, uh, did you forget to tell anyone?"

"No, I told the nanny to stay overnight and my mom booked a flight for next week and I'm meeting the O.B. at the hospital in two hours."

"Ah-hem."

"Did I not tell you?"

"You did not."

"I could've sworn I texted you"

Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um, I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Mustard…with a vengeance.

So back from my little vacation to Italy and it was a fun mix of the old and new:

Old: Being an American high school student on a school trip to Italy
New: Wanted to inflict bodily harm on a multitude of American high school students on school trips to Italy.

Old: Going to a café in Rome.
New: Going to a café in Rome and being asked by a woman from Denmark what the current American market for Salmon was.

Old: Having pizza for dinner
New: Mistakenly ordering pizza for both dinner and appetizer (and eating both my shares might I add).

Old: Driving a car up mountain roads.
New: Driving a Fiat Punto up mountain roads while praying to the Almighty that the damn thing wouldn’t break down because the engine sounded like it was about to fall out of the hood.

So yeah, Italy was a helluva time.

So back to business:

Baseball season begins and though it doesn’t come close to making up for last years NLCS, the Mets 3 game sweeps of Cards gave me a little bit satisfaction. Now can their starting pitching survive the rest of the year? Can Pedro come back in July and make an impact? Man I hope so.

Hey people suddenly like A-Rod now that he’s doing well over the first 7 games. Can we please stop talking about the guy? It’s either he’s sucking or he never really sucked, just had a bad year/month/day whatever, time to move on!

Hot Fuzz: caught a sneak preview at the Arlington Drafthouse. See this movie. It’s by the guys who did Shaun of the Dead and it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a really really long time. Also sweet was that Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were onhand to answer questions. Really funny, cool guys despite the scary as all hell fanboys drooling all over themselves to ask questions, shake their hand, get and autograph and just become their bestest friend ever! Some people need lives. Desperately.

News and Notes:

So now the Rangers decide yeah, let’s play and made their way to the 6 spot in the East? Sure, why not?

How frak-tastic was that Nikki and Paulo episode of Lost? And ending that would’ve make Alfred Hitchcock Presents proud. (And yes, they’re dead per Mike Ausiello’s interview with Carlton Cuse).

Entourage made a brilliant return last weekend. The best episode of the year so far.

Until next time:

“Still no invite for me, huh?”

“Not from Vince. But we did receive an evite to Patrick Dempsey's house for running charades.”

Greatest...Reference...Ever

- penny arcade

I could never do one of these on the SNES

from bordom.net