Guesses on How Many Times Chris Rock is Gonna Get Bleeped?

Mmmmm….Mustard.

Yeah, I know I was gonna do the televisionwithoutpity thing but that’s been pushed back a week or so for me to bring you: MY OSCAR PREVIEW!!!

Ok, a few notes prior to getting into this: as of today I’ve only seen 3 of the 5 best picture nominees (Sideways, Ray, Million Dollar Baby). I’m planning on seeing The Aviator this weekend before Sunday night. I’m going to miss out on Finding Neverland but let’s face it, even though I’ve heard it’s a very good movie, it’s not gonna win best picture. But for the most part with the individual award below I’ll have to go with what I’ve seen because c’mon, it’d be damn near impossible to see every single movie tied to every single award nomination. Anyways, here we go, in no particular order:

Actor in a Leading Role: Jamie Foxx wins this one easily. The man was fantastic in Ray. Most of the time I tend to not go with the heavy favorite but in this case, give it to him. He might get some competition from DiCaprio but I don’t see any upset in this one. Cheadle is one of the best actors working today and he’ll definitely be back here again. He just needs his breakout role. Depp too. Both these guys will have loads of noms in the future. Eastwood was good but won’t take down Foxx. Paul Giamatti should’ve been in here. He wouldn’t have won, but he was fantastic in Sideways. Also Jim Carrey, best work of his career and he gets nothing for Eternal Sunshine.

Actor in a Supporting Role: Foxx won’t take this as he’s getting the best actor. Clive Owen doesn’t have the momentum to take this. Alan Alda could pull it in but I’ve yet to see his performance. Morgan Freeman could take this and he did do a very good job but honestly, it’s not his best role ever. If he wins it’ll be the Denzel award of the night where he wins in acknowledgement of his past excellent roles (ie Denzel Washington winning for Training Day was really him winning for past roles he got passed by on). Of those I’ve seen I give it to Thomas Haden Church for his excellent performance as the jackass groom-to-be in Sideways.

Actress in a Leading Role: Ok, I never saw Vera Drake but I did hear Imelda Staunton was excellent. I just don’t think it was a big enough movie for her to take it. Annette Bening is the same thing. Catalina Sandino Moreno put in a strong performance in Maria Full of Grace but it was a small foreign language indie flick so she won’t get it. I’m split now on Hilary Swank and Kate Winslet. Both performances were excellent. But I think I’ll go with Winslet on this one as Swank has all the momentum and I think she’ll probably win. But Winslet deserves some recognition for her outstanding performance in a totally under-appreciated film (oooh, foreshadowing).

Actress in a Supporting Role: Only one I’ve seen is Virginia Madsen who was good and I wouldn’t pitch a fit if she won. Natalie Portman in Closer could be a good bet (and with her year, she deserves it. She was amazing in Garden State, the super-under-appreciated film). The other three I’ve heard good things and honestly, this category is completely wide open to who will win. So what the hell, I’ll say Portman for her whole body of work this year (who knew that if it’s not a Star Wars movie, she’s an amazing actress).

Animated Feature Film: The Incredibles, no contest. Shrek 2 was hilarious and a great movie but it’s gonna be dated within 5 to 10 years. Let’s face it, my kids won’t get half the jokes. Incredibles is timeless and I’d love it to win just to stick it to Disney saying, you’re letting Pixar go? Seriously? Shark Tale… what the hell is that doing being nominated. What about some foreign animated movies? Ghost in the Machine 2: Innocence from Japan is supposed to be fantastic.

Art Direction: Haven’t seen a one. So from the trailers I’ll go with Phantom or Lemony Snicket. This is art design, not best movie so it doesn’t matter if the movie wasn’t good with this. Pretty boring category though, don’t see anything eye popping in there.

Cinematography: Again, haven’t seen these though I’m going to give it to House of Flying Daggers. It’s by the same guy who did Hero and from everything I’ve seen it’s every bit as gorgeously shot as that movie was. If Hero hadn’t technically been eligible last year, I guarantee it’d be in this year.

Costume Design: Um, I saw Ray and Troy. Neither of those jumped out at me in the way of costuming. I honestly can’t really say on this one so I’ll give it to Troy if only cause I’d laugh my ass off if that movie actually won an Oscar.

Directing: Honestly, I didn’t really see anything super amazing from MDB, Ray or Sideways, and Vera Drake won’t, so what the hell, give it to Marty. He’s earned it by now. If not both Eastwood or Payne could take it.

Documentary: No idea, but it’ll probably go to Super Size Me.

Documentary Short Subject: ….

Film Editing: I’ll give this one to Million Dollar Baby. The training/fight scenes were cut very well and the stand alone conversation shots were left the perfect length.

Foreign Language: Don’t know, but I see the Sea Inside winning. Lots of buzz.

Makeup: Ok, you’re going to laugh at me but I’m upset with category. No real creativity whatsoever. You want to honestly know what should’ve been nominated? Hellboy. I know, I know, sounds ridiculous. But let’s face it, the makeup on it was terrific, especially in this day and age where everything is just CGI. But that’s the problem with this category. The best makeup jobs done are never any movies that Academy members see. Passion of the Christ? For what, blood and dirt? Lemony Snicket… ok, for Jim Carrey’s nose. But what else? I have no idea about the Sea Inside. So I say nothing for this category.

Music (score): I’m amazed Million Dollar Baby wasn’t nominated. Not because it necessarily deserves it but more because such a big deal was made over Eastwood scoring it himself. I don’t know with this one. Harry Potter was good but it was mostly variations of the first 2 movies. Village wasn’t anything special. I guess of the two I’ve seen I’ll go with Harry Potter. (What about the Incredibles score?)

Music (Song): Only know Accidentally in Love which is good enough for me as it’s the best work Counting Crows has done in a long time and wasn’t just tacked on to the ending credits of the movie like most other songs in this category.

Skipping the two shorts film categories cause I have no clue…

Sound Editing: Didn’t see Polar Express so it’s between Incredibles and Spider-man 2. Spider-man 2 was a great movie, one of the best superhero films of all time, but I didn’t really notice the sound all that much so this one goes to the Incredibles.

Sound Mixing: I give this one to the Incredibles again. To be fair, it is a lot easier to notice sound in animated movies when you know that it’s not real life sounds you’re hearing but rather has to be completely artificial ones inserted into the movie.

Visual Effects: This one I give to Spider-man 2 where the effects were much better than the first one. Harry Potter was also good but not as good. To repeat a past rant: where the hell was Sky Captain in this? It was a revolutionary technique, looked amazing, and yet gets nothing cause it wasn’t a box office smash hit.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay): This category is a little hard because I always feel like I should’ve read the book from which it’s adapted to compare but in terms of actual screenplay I’ll go with Sideways from the two I’ve seen. Though to be honest I’d love if Richard Linklater, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy won for Before Sunset. Linklater (Slacker, Dazed and Confused, Before Sunrise, Waking Life, School of Rock) has done some amazing work and I think it’s time he gets recognized for it.

Writing (Original Screenplay): Ok, you know that Garden State rant you were waiting for? Here it is: Where in the blue hell is Garden State in this category. Think I’m way off base? Go to the Writer’s Guild Awards site. You’ll notice it was nominated. Hmmm… the Writer’s Guild, who probably know about such things, nominated it and the Academy doesn’t. What a shock. I know it’s not gonna hit a best pic nom. And I know it’s not feasible in the minds of the academy to give any acting noms to it (though from what I heard Portman was actually better in Garden State than in Closer for which she was nominated). But come on, it was a fantastic screenplay, with sharp, witting and poignant writing. A little help here. And the thing is, I don’t even think it should’ve won. My pick here is Eternal Sunshine because this category is for Original Screenplay and they don’t get much more original than Eternal Sunshine. But the nomination should’ve been there. This, along with the Sky Captain gip, are my two biggest issues with the Oscar noms this year.

Ok, here it is: Best Picture

Honestly, Ray doesn’t deserve to be in here. Jamie Foxx was amazing, the cast was amazing, the movie was good. Good movies don’t get Best Picture. Eternal Sunshine should’ve been in here (yes, I think Garden State could’ve but wouldn’t have. Eternal Sunshine did have a chance. It was just released way way way too early to be a contender. The academy has a short memory). Finding Neverland I didn’t see but it’s a tack on nom. They needed a 5^th non-controversial pick to throw in and that’s how this got here. The Aviator can’t say yet, but I don’t see this as being my pick. Too big budget and obvious for my taste. So that comes down to Million Dollar Baby and Sideways. I wouldn’t be upset with either of these two winning. But I’m going with Sideways. Million Dollar Baby was very well done in almost every aspect but honestly, I just didn’t enjoy it as much as Sideways. Sideways maybe a “comedy” but it’s a pretty dark comedy. One man who’s so terrified of accepting the fact that he’s not a young crazy Hollywood movie star that he goes around bragging about his commercial voiceovers and cheating on his fiancée during his bachelor party/trip. The other who is terrified of failure both past (his last marriage) and future (his book) that he’s turned to alcoholism and uses an extensive knowledge of wine to mask it. I thought the movie was fantastic and completely not the standard Hollywood movie. There’s no tightly wrapped up conclusion. Jack ends up married but his friendship with Miles has been completely shaken, and he hasn’t seemingly learned anything from his experience. He fakes a car crash to explain his injuries to his fiancée. How long can he keep that up? Miles, on the other hand, may have accepted that maybe it is enough to find happiness with Maya instead of the wine bottle (though him drinking the good wine at the fast food restaurant isn’t necessarily the best sign) but the movie ends before he confronts her again. Life isn’t always wrapped up in a nice neat little bow. I like movies who actually understand that. Give the statue to Sideways.

Alright, wow this was a long post. Anyways, we’ll see how my picks do come Sunday. Until faithful readers:

“Half my life is over and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing. I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage.”
”See? Right there. Just what you just said. That is beautiful. 'A smudge of excrement... surging out to sea.'“
”Yeah.“
”I could never write that.“
” Neither could I, actually. I think it's Bukowsky.”

Bring on the Imperialistic Condiments

Yes it’s true, the Mustard has finally returned. After some time off which let’s face it, wasn’t really time off as I spent all weekend moving and this week trying to put away all the massive amounts of random crap I didn’t even know I had. But I found some time to update the blog quickly. Seeing as how I still don’t have my internet connection up it might be a little while before things get legitimately back to normal.

Yes, I know, I’ve let the strip go for the past two weeks. Don’t worry; by next Monday I’m going to have a big update. It’ll be worth the wait, trust me. But it takes time to make that thing and that’s something I’ve most definitely been lacking as of late.

So the new apartment is looking good, much like the old one but with a few subtle differences (no bay window which is fine seeing as how I couldn’t see out the old one to begin with due to a big ol’ tree and the new place is on the first floor which I can’t tell you how thankful I was for that. My back hurt enough after moving everything without having to go up stairs with the heavy TV). I’m slowly getting everything back up and running.

The NHL cancelled its season… and? Let’s face it, anyone who actually had hopes they were ever gonna play after that first game was cancelled was smoking the wacky tobaccy. So hockey has taken another step back which really blows cause it’s a great game and the sooner the owners and players start treating it like that rather than trying to pretend it’s the NFL or MLB and a permanent staple of society, the better off hockey fans everywhere will be.

The Grammy’s were on last week. Did anyone watch them? To quote the Simpsons:

Homer:  Oh, why won't anyone give me an award?
Lisa:   You won a Grammy.
Homer:  I mean an award that's worth winning.

That’s about all I’ve got on that.

Speaking of award ceremonies, the Oscar’s are coming up in 2 weeks. I’m desperately rushing around trying to catch as many nominees as I can. I’ve got Ray, Sideways under my belt and am hoping to catch Million Dollar Baby this weekend and hopefully the Aviator soon too. I’ll catch Finding Neverland if I can cause I do want to see it but I can already tell that it has about as much a chance of winning as Notre Dame does of winning the Orange Bowl next year (but damn that was a great Boston College game basketball game, wasn’t it?). But I’ll probably have my pre-Oscar post the week beforehand to allow me to get as many movies in as I can. And I’m sure I’ll have a few rants to throw in there.

Speaking of rants, I’m going to try a new thing next week for my post. If you’ve ever been to www.televisionwithoutpity.com, it’s going to be something along those lines so I’m open to suggestions over which shows to do. Just make sure they’re not like Scrubs or Lost or shows that I like cause while I would enjoy to do something like that, I don’t think it’d be as funny which is really what I’m aiming for with this. I’ve already got one show lined up and I’d like at least two more so let’s hear it. Thanks go out to Erin for the suggestion of trying this.

Also I need to make a special note here. For those of you who caught my ‘Douglas’ reference in the chapter 7 of the latest strip, I would like to add a little note of gratitude to Ms. Erin Long for coming up with the idea for that panel. I had a notion of trying to use the reference before but couldn’t come up with how and she just nailed it and probably made it the funniest reference I’ve done so far. So thanks hon.

Alright, until next time:

“Dr. Cox...”
”Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'. “
”See ya.”

In My Plan We Are Beltless

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Mustard! Another week, another blog. Who’da thunk?

So Super Bowl XXXIX = boring! And I’m not even talking about the commercials or half time show. That had to be one of the sloppiest football games I’ve seen since the Notre Dame season ended. McNabb who I was touting high praise for came off as an amateur throwing 3 (really 4) interceptions and managed to show his ability to scramble a grand total of once. And that fearsome Pats’ offense seemed to be on autopilot as at least a fumble is more exciting than 3 and out for the first half of the game. And what the hell were the Eagles doing those last 6 minutes. You’re down by 10 and yet have been steadily moving down the field, maybe you should, I don't know, not go to the huddle every play! It’s called time management people! T.O. had a great game but don’t turn him into some sort of higher being. They played him safe, not giving him a lot of passes and every one he got was to the outside so he could get out of bounds and not take a huge hit.

The commercials… good gravy! Talk about uninspired. I know they have this whole FCC crackdown on salacious content but that doesn’t mean you have to completely screw the pooch on comedy. It’s like on the Simpsons when Homer gives up beer and sits confounded at a baseball game going “I never realized how boring this game really is”. And you’ll notice the only relatively funny ones were the dark comedy bits like the one with the guy and his cat in the kitchen or the “hold up” at the convenient store. We can’t have anything involving sex but violence… that’s just fine.

I didn’t have a problem with the halftime show. Granted I spent most of it trying to load the homestarrunner.com halftime show (which apparently half the web was trying to do cause it never loaded). But you know what, I’d rather have Paul McCartney come out and sing a couple good songs than have the usual ADD halftime where 4 or 5 pop stars come out and lip sync 30 seconds of a crappy song while some crazy dance choreography goes on and half the audience leaves for the restrooms. I also liked the stage setup with the video screens on the ramps.

But it was good company last night and while I have way too much pizza left over, I successfully managed to sneak in a martini during halftime. Line of the night goes to Courtney:

(While Alicia Keyes and School for the Deaf and Blind are doing America the Beautiful)
Erin: Well the deaf kids are at least signing America the Beautiful but what are the blind kids doing?
Courtney: They’re just standing there, looking around.

If you caught the Simpsons afterwards: They gave Comic Book Guy a name! No way! From now on he’s: Jeff Albertson. I like the fact that they threw that in there as a total nugget for the fans.

I also caught American Dad, the latest from Family Guy creator Seth McFarlene. I have to say, I wasn’t too impressed. There were a LOT of jokes that totally fell flat and it didn’t help that they basically have the same family dynamic as the Griffins. Also the lack of character development for half the cast didn’t help. I mean the goldfish had a brain transplant with a German skier? Ok… but they didn’t go any farther than that. Just hey, there’s a goldfish with a German accent. The alien has some potential to be pretty funny but I don’t know. The show could still develop. God knows anyone watching the first episode of the Simpsons wouldn’t have exactly been wowed. So who knows, I’ll give it a chance but at the point I’m much more looking forward to the return of the Family Guy May 1^st.

I’ve finished watching the Buffy Season 7 DVD and while I had seen the last episode before, it still was kinda sad knowing that’s the end of Buffy and there won’t be anymore seasons to look forward to being released on DVD. Even worse is that Season 5 of Angel comes out next week and that‘ll be the final season of the Buffyverse. Damn you WB!

The big move begins this upcoming weekend so I’m not sure how long my downtime will be with the blog and strip. Hopefully not too long but if no updates happen for a week or so… tough! You’ll get your updates when I’m damn good and ready to give them. Not that I’m bitter of course. I feel kinda special when I get people bugging me to update the strip. At least I know people are reading it. Ok, until next time gringos y gringas:

"What are you talking about? "
"Never mind, eat the fruit. "
"You know, this place almost looks like the Garden of Eden. "
"Eat the fruit. "
"Sounds quite like it too."

Hahaha! Mine is an evil laugh.

Hola mis lectores de la Mostaza. Well it’s been a long month but we’re pulling through to February. Good for us.

Crowley booted! I’m so proud! Though I have to say I’m a little let down. All the crazy partying the past two New Years, most everyone has gotten sick but yet Crowley remains steady. And then he just gives it up on some random weekend night. Next year Crowley, you’ll get yours at New Years. Mwa ha ha!

However I do have to thank Crowley for getting me hooked on Firefly, the cancelled Joss Whedon space TV series from 2 years back. I’m only 4 episodes in but the more I watch it, the more I marvel at how much better the hour and 20 minute pilot was than any of the Star Wars prequels. It was like, wow, you mean you can do a sci-fi series and actually have such things as character development? No way! It was suddenly like I was watching the original trilogy back when, you know, you actually gave a rat’s ass about the characters. I also love it cause it still has the full implemented sense of humor that both Buffy and Angel had injected into otherwise serious moments. It makes me sad to think that this show could’ve been huge if it had been marketed halfway competently and not hidden away on random nights of the week. But then again this is Fox. Wait, you’re telling me Fox doesn’t know how to properly market decent shows? Really? *cough* Family Guy *cough*.

Then again I guess I should be grateful. Huge DVD sales of the show convinced Fox to let Whedon do a full length movie of the show which will be in theaters in September. Angel was just unceremoniously cancelled to make way for such huge ratings cash cows as the Blue Collar Comedy tour and Drew Carey’s Green Screen and Summerland and The Mountain! What’s that? Drew Carey and The Mountain were both canceled? Summerland was a ratings loser who barely made it through a shortened summer season and the Blue Collar tour is now relegated to the useless 9:30 Friday night slot? Oh, well, I guess everyone makes mistakes, don’t they?

To quote the strip: Damn you, WB!

Ok, enough of the rant. But I do recommend checking out Firefly if you’re a fan of any of Whedon’s other work or if you’re a sci-fi fan who’s looking for something a hundred times better than the sci-fi series you’ll find currently on today or if you’re just someone who actually enjoys well written TV series which you won’t find much of on today’s shows.

After I gave them much shame, both Booter and Erin have updated their blogs. Ok, so maybe it had absolutely nothing to do with me but it makes me feel like a more important person to think that so let’s just go with that shall we?

I will be moving in the next couple weeks so if the blog posts or strip starts slowing down in a week or so, don’t fret. I’ll have them up and running as soon as possible. Very excited about the move cause it’ll be nice not to have to devote half a month’s salary to rent alone. And you know what that means…. MORE DVD’s!!! Just kidding. But not really.

Alright you of the pantalones enérgicos. Until next time:

If you take advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!

Greetings all you fancy pants Changs. Welcome back to the Mustard. Hope all is going well with you crazy cats. Life in this place continues on as it has. Currently figuring out photographers and apartments. In that order too.

Episode III of the strip: Up and running. Get it, read it, love it, point out the errors in grammar and panel continuity I’ve made.

So I lost out on pretty much every team I went for in the NFL playoffs. Colts – out. Steelers – out. So go Eagles. It was just harsh that both those teams went out without much of a fight.

The Oscar noms are out. I can’t really say too much about them right now as I’ve yet to see any of the best picture nominations. It doesn’t look like a bad list but it’s a pretty safe one with few surprises though some surprising omissions. A big one was Paul Giamatti not picking up a best actor nom for Sideways. From everything I heard it looked like it was gonna be a big race between him and Jamie Foxx. Instead they toss Clint Eastwood in. When push comes to shove the Oscars always toss in dramatic performances over comedy.

Also Foxx got nominated both for Lead and Supporting Actor. Now this is totally the Academy saying hey, wouldn’t it be cool if we nominated him for both awards? I’ve heard he was good in Collateral but I’m sure there are a lot more actors who should’ve gotten the nom ahead of him.

Kate Winslet picked up a Lead Actress nom for Eternal Sunshine but what about Jim Carrey? He was fantastic. And thank God Eternal Sunshine picked up an Original Screenplay nod or you would’ve seen the biggest rant I’ve ever posted.

I love that the Incredibles picked up an Original Screenplay nomination. It really was a fantastic script and even though it doesn’t have a prayer of winning, the nomination lends more legitimacy to it as a “real” movie rather than an animated feature which is always treated as joke by the awards. I mean hell, Shark Tale picked up an animated feature nom and that movie was almost universally reviled.

A HUGE omission in best visual effects by leaving out Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I mean what the hell? All three of the nominated movies (Harry Potter 3, Spider-man 2, I, Robot) had good effects but nothing groundbreaking. But Sky Captain, despite its critical claim (well deserved I might add, that was kickass movie), didn’t make enough money and therefore gets forgotten. For the most part best visual effects noms go to the biggest blockbusters (Star Wars prequels, LOTR, Pirates of the Carribean, etc). If you’re not super high profile summer fare for the most part, you get left out.

So I’ll post later before the Oscars my real opinions on the nominees once I see more of them but as I said, doesn’t look like a bad list just safe. And I think Martin Scorsese might finally get his win. Right now he’s the Dan Marino (or Peyton Manning) of the directing world. He’s given us some of film history’s best movies but has never won himself. So now that Peter Jackson has finally stopped hogging all the spotlight (until next year when he brings out King Kong which from all I’ve heard is going to blow people away), Scorsese should finally get his statue.

Alright crew, final plugs: Episode III. Erin’s blog (I’m hoping if I plug it, she’ll update it). Booter’s blog (same deal, one post? come on man!) Crowley’s blog (it makes me smile). Wow, I’ve gotten three people to start up their own blogs. I’m proud. And for the most part they actually have a point to theirs whereas mine, it’s just me ranting and raving and being me.

Until next time personas calientes:

“From now on there are three ways of doing things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.”
”Isn't that just the wrong way?”
”Yes, but faster!”

I SAID CONSUMMATE V'S! CONSUMMATE!!!

Happy new week you cheese eatin’ surrender monkeys. I’m back with the weekly (sometimes) update of the Mustard. I’m currently recovering from… nothing. Whoa! It’s a miracle! For the first time in I don’t know how long I am not spending Monday recovering from a crazy weekend. Yes folks, this weekend I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I could have hoped it would be. Tremendous!

The NCAA football season is over and this year we actually have a National Champion. Yes, Auburn fans will cry a different story and you know what, they probably have a point that they should’ve gotten a shot at USC. But until college administrators throughout the land grow up and force the BCS to institute a playoff (but that’s not as profitable as a series of bowl games!) then this is what we got. And USC proved that it was the tops by blowing away Oklahoma. If Auburn wanted to make an argument, it should’ve been louder than a 16-13 win over Va Tech. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good win, but barely beating out a team that USC beat pretty soundly doesn’t make an impression on the minds of the voters. Yes it sucks that just because you started the year at #3 in the polls, you lost out. But you know what? USC got screwed last year much worse than you did and what did they do? They shrugged it off and rolled through an undefeated season to capture their championship. Ah well, I’m still pulling for you next year. You’ve got the #2 spot pretty much locked up in the preseason polls. Now just do it again and you’ve got your title.

Well seeing as how my Giants made the 2^nd half of the season look as horrible as their first half was good, I needed to pick a new team to get behind for this playoff season. I almost went with the Eagles cause why not? Yeah, T.O. can be jackass but he backs it up and doesn’t pull a Sammy Sosa, walking off the field before the end of the game (cough Randy Moss cough). But instead I decided to go from one Manning to another, and get behind the Colts. Why? One, if the Colts make it to the Super Bowl, they’ll have earned it (having to go through the Pats and probably Steelers). If the Eagles don’t make it to the Super Bowl…that’s just sad. And second, I’d just like see Manning get his win in the big one and cap his Marino-beating season by doing what Marino never did. So what the hell, go Colts!

Mets went out and got Carlos Beltran. Well I like this a lot more than Pedro. At least Beltran is young and will bring some good hitting and defense to the team, something they sorely need. Not crazy about the monstrous size and length of contract but if he stays healthy and keeps producing then the Mets may have finally landed the big one they need. If nothing else, it’s another thing to get excited about when they come into town to play the Nationals (it’s still a crappy name).

Wow, so went into a major sports rant for three paragraphs. Didn’t know I had it in me. Anyways, on to some reviews:

Ocean’s Twelve – Yeah, I caught this before Christmas but I figured I’d chime in with my two cents. This movie is just there for the fun of it. Plots holes, good lord, why even bother? But then this movie is all about the interactions between the characters. And they do a surprisingly good job at balancing out scenes of the ensemble so you don’t even realize how little some of them are on screen until the movie is over. I mean Bernie Mac has maybe 5 minutes of screen time but they’re put in there just right so it almost seems like he’s in the whole movie. Really, even George Clooney doesn’t have as much time as you’d think considering his character is the namesake of the movie. The “breakout” star here is Matt Damon. He just plays the befuddled doofus so well. His Linus is just trying so hard to be a major player. The problem is he doesn’t understand half of what’s going on. Catherine Zeta Jones does an good job of melding in with the superstar cast but I wasn’t wowed by her. Vincent Cassels does a much better job, playing the smug thief the ‘Night Fox’ and really being a great foil to Clooney and Pitt. Overall I’d say this is a good movie for a rental or if you’re up for a fun blow away movie, I don’t think you’ll regret paying theater price for it. There’s a hilarious bit involving Julia Roberts’ character’s resemblance to a famous actress and another totally random cameo that’s worth the price of admission alone.

Spanglish – Caught this movie over the weekend and liked it. Honestly, the performances it in make it a better movie than it probably should be. Tea Leoni might be trying to force a comeback (is a comeback if they really didn’t do much to begin with?) with her excellent portrayal of a self-indulgent house wife who just doesn’t get it when she screws up (which is often) and blames everyone but herself. Adam Sandler… you know I wish he’d make up his mind. I love the old school Adam Sandler screwball comedies. Then he goes and does roles like Punch Drunk Love and here in Spanglish and you’re just left sitting there going wow, he’s a phenomenal actor. It’s the old Jim Carrey switcheroo. He just is amazing at playing these vulnerable nice guys who you feel so sorry for whenever they get dumped on (which he does in spades in this movie). Paz Vega (no, it’s not Penelope Cruz, trust me even I got confused for a bit) does a great job in a difficult part where for the good majority of the movie she doesn’t speak English and yet conveys what she’s saying perfectly to the audience. The best performance of all may go to young Sarah Steele who plays Sandler and Leoni’s daughter. She does a great job of showing us how much of her father’s daughter she is by being a smart, mature girl who is trying to get through the insecurities forced upon her by her mother who is obsessed over making her “perfect”. The look on her face going from joy and excitement when her mother shows up with new clothes for her to pained and humiliated when it turns out all the clothes are purposely too small in order to encourage her to lose weight is just heartbreaking. And I did appreciate that for once it’s not the perfect Hollywood ending (I can only imagine how many times the studio tried to get write/director James L. Brooks to change the ending to a nice simple happily ever after one). All in all a good movie and one made much much better by the performances.

Quick Album Reviews:

The Killers – Hot Fuss: The Killers have been all over the radio the past few months with their hits “Somebody Told Me” and “Mr. Brightside”. The problem is these are really their best songs. The album isn’t bad but with those two songs being the catchiest and placed at the beginning of the album, it slows down the second half the album.

The Postal Service – Give Up: Yes, I know this album technically came out in 2003 but back then I wasn’t listening to much indie stuff. The Postal Service is a collaboration between Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard and Jimmy Tamborello from Dntel (I’ve never heard Dntel but Death Cab for Cutie’s Transatlanticism is a fantastic album which I also highly recommend. Don’t let the rather grim name of the band fool you, it’s surprisingly mellow). I’m sure you at one point or another have heard the single “Such Great Heights” which is just a great song. Well this whole album is great. Yes, it has an electronica slant to it but no more than say Radiohead’s forays into electronica. Trust me, you’re not getting Paul Oakenfold or the Matrix soundtrack here. I’ve pretty much head the album in the cd player since I got it, it’s just phenomenal. The opening track “The District Sleep Alone Tonight” is the perfect opening track, catchy, slow building, with some great hooks and the album only gets better from there. From “Such Great Heights” to “Nothing Better” to “Clark Gable” this album just flows seamlessly. I haven’t enjoyed an album this much since I picked up the Garden State soundtrack (which actually has a cover of “Such Great Heights” done by Iron & Wine. It’s pretty interesting to compare the two as the shift in tone makes them almost two completely different songs). So just get the album already.

Ok, well this was one long blog entry. Guess that’ll balance out the short one from last week. Alright all, until next time beware Trogdor burning the THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!!

What is this? Did the Quadratic Formula explode?

Ok, I watched about 50 Strongbad emails this weekend. So sue me.

Happy 2005 everybody! And with that I bring you the year’s first edition of the Mustard. It’s a little difficult for me to write this now as I’m still blinking back my exhausted glazed-over-eyes look while trying to recover from the craziness that was New Years’ weekend. Fantabulous time. The party at the Plaza was great. The company was great. The evenings were great. The drinking was probably too great but come on, it’s New Years’ and everyone need a couple bottles of wine per night, right? Thanks to everyone who came out for it:

Ashley: Congrats on surviving your first encounter with the group and not running away in terror! You now have a permanent invite if you dare to brave us again.

Booter: Shamelessly opening more and more wine…good job. Also winning the prize for most abstract drawing in pictionary ever where “pedophilia with a glove” = “Michael Jackson”.

Crowley: Mr. Dan-Be-Nimble himself. Get that blog updated as soon as humanly possible so we can all cringe at the quotes coming off the weekend.

Erin: Thanks for letting us completely trash your apartment, hon. You’re the best hostess ever! And congrats on whatever it is you won at happy hour (hopefully we’ll have our Ipod soon!)

Lauren: Also congrats on surviving your first encounter. And for not getting hurt when your date face-planted on the beer coated floor.

Me: Woo hoo! I didn’t ruin my suit this year!

So another year has come and gone with its trials and tribulations and toasts. It was a damn good year and 2005 is also looking pretty exciting. I will be starting up Episode III of the strip very shortly. We’ll soon learn more about what the hell is going on with that island on Lost. Scrubs will continue to make us laugh. We’ll be watching the a Super Bowl with a halftime so tame it’ll make nap time at the Vatican look wild. I’m fast approaching my one year mark in DC which is pretty cool. The Oscars are almost impossible to call this year, but that doesn’t mean I’m not having my Oscar bash. The final Star Wars movie comes out in May. A new, darker Batman movie is out this summer which may make up for the really, really, ridiculously bad Batman & Robin. The sixth Harry Potter book comes out in July. Joss Whedon is jumping to the big screen with Serenity, the full length feature adaptation of his short lived Firefly TV series. Peter Jackson is going from one of the most beloved book series of all time to one of the most beloved movies of all time with his remake of King Kong coming out next year. And oh yeah, I’m getting married. You know, cause that’s just a wee bit exciting too.

With Christmas having come and gone I have a bunch of new books, music and movies to review which I’ll get to eventually. I haven’t been going too crazy movie-wise lately so it’s hard to throw up too many reviews. And I don’t want to do a Top 2004 Movie list without seeing a couple movies I think will probably make it. It is Oscar season after all.

But for now, I’m going to go fall asleep cause good gravy I’m tired. And maybe I’ll start watching the Return of the King extended edition (only 5 hours long, yes!) as I drift off. Catch you on the flip side, ya’ll.

Tis the Season to Be Merry. Well That's My Name. No Sh-

Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noël! Booter ist ein Wanker!

Welcome to the Christmas edition of the Mustard. Or Chrismukkah if you’re one of those O.C. watchers. That’s only the 2nd time I’ve watched the show this year (it’s after November sweeps, all my shows are in repeats) and I will say I was amused by it. The main problem I have with the show is that it’s got a great sense of humor but it just pulls out too many soap opera twists. I think it could be a really good show if it would just add some more originality with its story arcs (i.e.: stop having everyone ending up being related to everyone else). But then I guess that’s the state of today’s TV when even Rory Gilmore is losing her virginity to a married man (geez, is this the 2nd week in a row I’m referencing the Gilmore Girls? I need to go find my manhood around here somewhere).

Also I was corrected last week when I said NBC didn't roll out any new sitcoms as it did in fact roll out Joey. Not that it makes any difference to what I said but still, I do admit my mistakes.

Heading on up north in a few days to spend some quality holiday time with the family. Can’t wait, though I never knew it was possible to hate shopping this much. I swear there have been multiple times these past few weeks where I was fully convinced of my ability to take a human life. But now is that really the Christmas spirit?

A huge huge HUGE congratulations to my lovely fiancée on her new job. She’s leaving the political world behind and leaping head first into the world of publishing. I’m proud of her. Now all I need to do is figure out how to get paid for creating online comic strips and we’ll be all set.

Top 5 Christmas Movies:

1. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation - Yeah, this was a tough call. How many times a year between November 1st and January 31st do I watch this? The number would frighten you. Never has a movie had so many quotable lines (“Can’t see the line, can ya Russ?”), not to mention the absolute best rant in movie history when Chevy Chase goes off about his boss. Add to it the fact that this movie has a special place in my heart for being part of the best Christmas decorating party I’ve ever had and you’ve got a winner.

2. A Christmas Story – “You’ll poke your eye out, kid!” If Christmas Vacation is the most quotable holiday movie, this would be #2. Oh Ralphie, someday you’ll get the hang of that official Red Ryder Carbon Action 200 shot range model air rifle, oooh.

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas – The animated one, not the Ron Howard one where Jim Carrey looks like the Care Bear from hell. Boris Karloff’s narration is possibly the greatest narration of any movie ever. When that Grinch’s heart grows three sizes too big, you know you’re all cheering. And finally four words: Best… Theme Song… Ever!

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas – It’s the Peanuts gang and Christmas. How can you go wrong? Unless you’re Charlie Brown. Before the gang fixes it up, that Christmas tree looks more pathetic than mine, and that says a lot. Good times, my friends, good times.

5. It’s a Wonderful Life – Whoa whoa whoa! Chevy Chase beats out Jimmy Stewart!? Snoopy beats out Clarence the angel? This movie was the AFI’s 11th best movie of all time for crying out loud and it’s getting beat by one involving a cat getting electrocuted by tree lights? Hey, this is my top 5 list and yep, that’s how it works. I’m not saying Christmas Vacation is a better movie than It’s a Wonderful Life. But I watch Vacation multiple times during these 3 months. I’ve gone years without watching Wonderful Life. That said, this is the quintessential wonderful-restore-your-faith-in-humanity Christmas movie. In a cynical world like ours (which I am fully guilty of propagating), it’s sometimes good to have a straight-laced good-hearted movie to fall back on.

Special Mention: The Nightmare Before Christmas – I don’t know if this is really a Christmas movie or a Halloween movie but either way it’s one of the most messed up, twisted movies ever conceived of by mankind. God bless you Tim Burton! Now don’t screw up Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

That's all for now folks. So if I don’t talk to you beforehand, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. And to all a good night:

“As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.”
”Outrageous! How dare he say such blasphemy! I've got to do something.”
”Bob, there's nothing you can do.”
”Oh, well, I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humor.”

Purple Monkey Dishwasher

Ladies ladies ladies! The Mustard is in the hiz-ouse! I’ve been getting pretty bad about the weekly Monday updates recently, haven’t I? Well I spent this Monday getting sick so as fun as that was I figured I’d push back the update a few days.

After a whole lot of time and effort that I really should have been putting to better use but didn’t cause this was more fun, Episode II of the strip if finally done. Wow, I actually completed two full episodes, I’m so proud. Yes, again I’m going to be taking some time off again before I start up the third one (and yes, I do have a general storyline arc for 6 full episodes). I’d probably look for it to start up again after the holidays. But in the meantime you can hold yourself over by reading both Episodes here.

Great times were definitely had this weekend as I was Mr. Socialite with parties Friday and Saturday. And based on the amount of alcohol consumed on Saturday night, that might explain Monday a little bit. But props to Lauren for a great party Saturday night and to my apartment complex for the free party on Friday. If only they hadn’t covered up the shuffleboard table for the food!

The Mets have Pedro! Now if he can just stay healthy. Wow, so you’re the “other” New York baseball team who, in the vein of all New York teams, have the highest payroll in your league, however unlike the Yankees, you’ve been god awful for the past 4 years. In the past you’ve made some of the worst contract decisions in the history of the game by signing big price players who don’t even come close to earning their keep. The Mets better pray to God that Pedro breaks that tradition.

The NHL: still not playing and better yet, no one really cares. Honest to God the players and the owners seriously don’t seem to realize that if the keep this up the league is just gonna fold due to no one caring about hockey anymore and then they won’t even need a Collective Bargaining agreement. Only another year or so til the next Olympics right?

Well as fall sweeps are over and the recent Golden Globe awards have come out showing just how astute they are in they’re TV show nominations (seriously, why in the hell is Will & Grace still nominated for everything? It was good for like 2 years and now simply riding those 2 years for as far as it can go.), I figured I’d give my mid-season impressions thus far:

Best Drama: Lost - the first new show in years that I actually can’t predict exactly what’s gonna happen. They do a great job of juggling a huge cast of characters and actually keeping things interesting.

Close Second place: Gilmore Girls gets in here cause it’s one of those half way shows which is hysterical half the time and dead serious the other. But the writing is still great and they actually referenced Buffy the other week so I have to mention this one.

Best Comedy: Scrubs – like you didn’t know! Oh, come on it’s a fantastic show people, now watch it! Actually it’s impressive that in this day and age Scrubs is one of the few half-hour comedies that continues to survive the reality wave. I mean think about it, NBC didn’t even debut a new sitcom this year. The only other one they really run is Will & Grace (see above). CBS’s Monday night and ABC’s Fridays are pointless as no one really watches them. So it’s all the more impressive that Scrubs got picked up for another 3 years. Also funniest line of the year when Dr. Cox explains about the incident involving his toddler son and a rum cake.

Honorable mentions:

Arrested Development – it’s second season looks to be even better written and wittier than the first. But due to the Fox delayed fall schedule it’s only had a couple episodes so far and therefore too soon to call it the best comedy.

The Venture Brothers – if you are one of those Cartoon Network Adult Swim junkies who enjoys Futurama, Family Guy and the demented Indie cartoons like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021 and Harvey Birdman, then you know how good this send-up of Johnny Quest is. So demented yet so damn funny, you just have to appreciate a show with a power-mad super-villain called the “Monarch” who dresses himself and his henchmen like butterflies.

Biggest surprise of the year: Veronica Mars – it’s been so many years since I’ve watched anything on UPN, I forgot they were still on. But this is actually an excellent show with witty, smart writing and a sense of humor that reminds me a lot of the Joss Whedon shows of the past (Buffy/Angel).

That’s all for now people. Until next time keep on dancing to the rock and rock on Saturday night, Saturday night.

The Only Meyer You'll Be Seeing in South Bend is Oscar

Yes, I realize the Oscar one is spelled Mayer but it's a pun people!

Well my apologies to all as it has taken a little longer than I expected to get up a new post. I had half of one ready to go for last week but I never got around to finishing it and since then it’s grown dated. But hey, now there’s just so much more news to comment on.

Alright, let’s get the monkey out of the way right off the bat: The Firing of Ty. I do not in any way agree with this decision. I think it’s total dick of Notre Dame to do this to him. I mean Christ, Gerry F-ing Faust got 5 years! Do I think this is a racial thing? No. I think this is Notre Dame never really wanting Ty to begin with (cause God knows George O’'Leary worked out great for them) and suddenly they saw they could get Urban Meyer. Oops. Trust me, I laughed like hell when Meyer chose Florida. Why wouldn'’t he? Notre Dame showed they have no loyalty to their coaches with the firing of Ty. People will say, well they'’re just doing what’'s best for the team. Call me crazy, didn'’t we have a winning record this year? Didn'’t we upset two of the best teams in the nation? Yeah, we had some embarrassing losses. But you know what? The difference between winning and losing most of those games were two decent cornerbacks to give us some pass coverage. How many times did they give up 3^rd and long? BC beat us with a last minute 40 yard pass to the end zone, Pittsburgh beat us by throwing a 20 yard pass on 3^rd and long. The Irish simply sucked at covering those receivers. But no, giving Ty an off-season to boost those positions wasn'’t good enough for the Notre Dame alumni who are still under the delusion that it’s the 1940’'s and Notre Dame is still the perennial powerhouse who went to National Championships every year and that all it’'s going to take is a simple coaching change to get them there. Hate to burst their bubble but the Irish aren'’t suddenly going to become amazing again because they screwed over Ty. They seem to be under the impression that it shouldn’t take more 3 years to turn around a program that has decayed to a mere shadow of its former self. But that’'s just me. Maybe I'’m wrong and ND will make a sudden miraculous return from the dead. But if that’'s the plan, they better start adding more masses to the Basilica'’s schedule.

In Major League Baseball news I gotta say I’'m excited for the upcoming season as this will be the first time ever that I’'ve been living in a city with a MLB team. Naturally in order to get everyone around here as excited as possible, they had to come up with the inanely boring name the “Nationals”. Who thought giving a team the nickname of the “"Nats"” would be a good idea? Do you realize how many dumbass puns we’re going to have to hear now involving swatting, squishing, exterminating, etc from the sports writers who don’t seem to realize that just because you can come up with a pun doesn'’t mean it'’s necessary to use it. In addition to that the team logo is terrible. I mean it’s just so generic it could honestly be an all-star or league logo. However, aside from a marketing team that should be fired, I’m still excited to be hitting up some games. Rumors are circulating that the Mets are now trying to pick up Pedro Martinez. God, that would just make my day and lead to an endless amount of taunting on my end towards my Red Sox amigos.

Update on the current NHL Season: They’'re still not playing.

Quick review:

U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb.

The new U2 album is very reminiscent of their last one. Safe to say if you liked All That You Can’t Leave Behind, you'’ll want to get this one. The first single off it, Vertigo, is completely misleading so if you didn’'t like it, don’t worry, there’s really nothing else on the album like it. Sometimes You Can'’t Make It On Your Own is going to be the Stuck in a Moment of this album so expect to love the song the first 25 times you hear it on the radio and then curse radio for managing to kill any halfway decent song by playing it 10 times an hour. All Because of You is their next single after Vertigo runs its course. It'’s definitely a throw back to their earlier sound like Where the Streets Have No Name or Mysterious Ways. And as all U2 albums seem to end with the spiritual or "God" song, this one is no different with Yahweh. It's actually one of their better ones, being much more upbeat. I’'ve heard somewhere that this was supposed to be Edge’'s album but you really don’'t notice anything different. He still gets his high-powered guitar solos but to me it didn'’t sound any more prevalent than other albums. Some of the songs work better than others but in the end it'’s a good if not a groundbreaking U2 album. Then again a good U2 album is better than 99.5% of the drivel currently being put out these days by so called “"rock"” bands (I'’m looking squarely in your direction Simple Plan, Nickelback, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park, etc etc etc).

Alright crazy hombres, until next time:

"I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. He came in peace, and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was... E.T., the extraterrestrial."

The funny thing about asthmatics is that when you say "almost died laughing," it's potentially true

~ Crowley

Welcome baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack to the latest edition of the Mustard all you true believers. And to those of you who are not believers but random people who found their way to this blog by an accidental click of the button, hey, what’s up, thanks for coming.

It’s been a fun old week for Mr. Snow. I’'ve been hard at work putting up a few new chapters of the strip. I got on a bit of a roll and cranked out a hefty chunk of Episode II. So check out Episode II of the strip here.

So we'’re at T-minus 4 days until the make or break game of the season for Notre Dame. Personally I think our season is pretty much decided. It didn’t hurt that I got the ticket application for bowl games from Notre Dame today giving me the option of such highlights as the Insight Bowl and the Continental Tire Bowl. Seriously, this is such a crock of shiatsu. You basically have to guess which bowl game the Irish will get to (probably the Insight Bowl) and if you don'’t guess right, you don’'t get tickets. You can always send in a ton of money for all 3 bowls but the always frugal Notre Dame will not return your money to you until after it has collected as much interest as possible with it. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me... well for one side. Look I appreciate that they do give us the option of getting tickets to a bowl but what'’s wrong with them just sending an application that also gives people the option of asking for a certain number of tickets to whatever bowl game the Irish end up in so that we don’t have to pay $145 to ensure we get a ticket to the correct bowl game?

Ok, so that’s my little rant and I'’m done with it. You know me, sometimes Bitter Snow peeks through the clouds. Alright so couple of quick book reviews for those of you are who currently without a literary companion:

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay:
I randomly came upon this book one day while walking through Barnes and Noble and it was on the summer reading table. I’'d never heard of it before (I didn'’t keep up with the major novels put out in the past few years, especially while I was at Notre Dame) but the title intrigued me. Then I saw the big notice of it being a Pulitzer winner. When I came across the book while in Saratoga for Labor Day I decided to borrow it from my mother. I won'’t lie, it'’s a long book. But it is also a damn good one too. It begins with Joseph Kavalier, a young Jew who recently smuggled himself out of Nazi Prague during WWII, finding his way to his aunt in New York City. There he meets his cousin Sam Clay and together they combine their talents to create a successful comic empire. Yes, this is a really quick summation which absolutely fails to capture the spirit of the book. The author does an amazing job of writing the character of Joe Kavalier, capturing the guilt he feels whenever he feels an ounce of joy or happiness in New York because he feels he should be spending every second working towards figuring out a way to bring the rest of his family, still trapped in Prague, over to the United States. There is also the wonderful portrayal of Sam Clay as a young man chasing the American Dream of becoming something bigger than his current status in life while trying to figure out his own confusing personal life. Most impressive is the scene of 1930’s and 40’s New York City both in the sense of the wartime atmosphere as well as showing the climate during the rise of the golden age of comics. The author, Michael Chabon, knows and loves his comics and their history (he was one of the writer’s on the superior Spider-man 2 and he also wrote the novel on which the excellent movie Wonderboys was based). The only problem I had with the book was I felt the pacing was thrown off about 2/3 of the way through with the sudden adventure in Antarctica (yeah, you'’ll just have to read the book). While it’'s well written and certainly fits with the mood the book is trying to create, at the same time it just seems to suddenly slow things down too much only to have it suddenly pick up again in a mad rush to the end. But in the end the qualm is minor and like I said, well-written, so that I did still enjoy the part. Overall the book was excellent I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good read. If you'’re a fan of comics or any of the current plethora of comic-based movies (which these days is about one in five movies), this book is an absolute must-read.

America (the book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction:
I won’t spend too long on this because, let’s face it, if you'’re a fan of the Daily Show, you already have this book. If you don'’t then I can only imagine it’'s because you managed to fall into a coma the past few months and therefore missed the fact that Jon Stewart and the Daily Show team put out a book. If you'’re not a fan of the Daily Show but looking for something along the lines of either sharp political satire or just something to read that also happens to be funny as hell, then go get the book already. Honestly I don’t think I'’ve ever laughed so hard at a book in my life (if you don'’t believe me, just asked the people sitting next to me on the airplane who had to listen to me laugh out loud repeatedly during the flight (to any of those poor souls who are reading: I’'m sorry.)) But yes, this book is just, to quote Peter Griffin, “freaking hilarious”. But don’t take my word for it, just listen to the Amazon.com preview of the book:

Alright you Kwazy Klowns, that’'s all for now, I hope all is well in your lives. Rather then leave you with my own words of wisdom, I’'m going to leave you where I started, in the capable hands of Mr. Dan Crowley:

DrC 64 25: for some reason, i'm wishing i still had senior bar available to me
DrC 64 25: and since i don't have any killian's to hoist to senior year, i just cracked open a guinness for last year
DrC 64 25: to hell with midnight, class tomorrow, and potential alcoholism... here's to senior bar.

It's Thoughts Like This That Catch My Troubled Head

Greetings and salutations lovers and haters alike. Welcome back to the blog so nice I'm updating it twice... in a week that is. Ok, I know and you know that I'm not much for the exceptionally witty writing so lets just move past that last comment and get on with the Mustard.

First off: DAMN YOU NOTRE DAME!!! I didn't know it was actually possible to blow a game 17 times in the final 2 minutes! Of course if you read my last post you know what comes next: the biggest upset ever over USC. Do I realistically think that'll happen? No. But then I never thought we'd lose to BC, beat Tennessee and lose to Pitt either so why the hell not?

Just got back last night from a fantastic 4 days in New York with the family. If I can take a trip back every few months to get a little relaxing in, it's all I need. Had a great time up there with the engagement party and the fundraiser. I'm a lucky guy and I know it.

As promised I did catch The Incredibles. Very interesting movie. I wasn't sure right after seeing it. It's completely different than any Pixar movie before it. After thinking about it I realized that it's a good Pixar movie but not my favorite. But on the other hand this is probably in my top 3 favorite superhero movies of all time. See there's a difference between this and other Pixar movies: Nemo, Toy Story, Monsters Inc, they were all Pixar movies. They're cute, funny, touching family movies. The Incredibles is a superhero movie. It has the Pixar humor and is cute and touching at some points and whatnot but this movie would've been a good superhero movie if Pixar hadn't made it. By Pixar making it, it turns into a great superhero movie. It's not wall-to-wall humor like say Toy Story or Monsters Inc (and that's not to say it isn't funny: the whole exposition on why Mr. Incredible doesn't have a cape with his new costume is hilarious and in a classic Pixar moment Elasti-girl manages to get stuck in 3 doors at once). Instead it puts the humorous parts exactly where they should be so they never feel out of place among more serious parts. The characters are great. The family's personalities are perfectly lined up with their powers. Mr. Incredible is this huge strong man who is forced to hold it all in and pretend he's an average guy to just give his family a normal life. Elasti-girl ,who can twist and stretch her body in any direction finds herself having to figuratively do that while trying to keep her family together. Violet can turn herself in visible while all she really wants to do is be noticed by the cute boy in school. And Dash is the typical energetic little kid who just wants to run around at a hundred miles an hour like all young boys except he has to hold himself back because he literally can run that fast. And Jack Jack is a slobbering drooling baby. Good for him. Samuel L Jackson, while not in the movie that much shows he's Mr. Cool both literally and figuratively as Frozone. And Jason Lee plays the evil villain Syndrome not as an evil bond villain bent on world domination cause world domination is what villains do, but rather as a bad guy that, while he crossed the line long ago, still can be sympathized with somewhat as all truly good villains can be. The director of the movie, Brad Bird (who did the animated movie The Iron Giant a few years back which is also a really good movie starring a pre-movie stardom Vin Diesel) also puts in a hilarious cameo as the voice of Edna (essentially "Q" to you Bond fans). I highly recommend this movie for all ages. It's not the same type of family film Pixar normally puts out but it's still a great movie. And for all you comic book fans you'll find some sort of homage to just about every superhero type created at one point or another.

Ok, I could probably go on discussing the different aspects of the movie for a while... but I won't. Instead I will let you go on your merry way. I've got a couple book reviews I've been meaning to dish out at some point not to mention a few takes on other foibles of life. A huzzah to Crowley for making his voice heard loud and clear on the comment section (not to mention eerily foreshadowing the use of "huzzah" on the Simpsons this week) as well as that anonymous girl who's got me wrapped around her finger. Well, I won't linger any longer.

Until next time: keep on waving from such great heights.

Esoteric Means Delicious!

Bonjour you cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys. It’s a new installment of the Mustard. I know it’s been a long time but hey, it’s worth it right? Cause otherwise how else would you keep up with my long-winded inane banter that rolls out on an almost weekly basis. Ok, so I’ve been bad about it lately but it’s been a few busy weeks.

First off, Episode II of the strip has begun again! Yay for that. I told you I was gonna take a few weeks off to rest my weary mind after putting out the end of the first one in like a week. So I rested and brainstormed and I’m back and better than ever. Well at least I hope so. Either way, you wanted it, you got it. Episode II of the strip found here.

Been an exciting couple of weeks with the engagement and all. I’ve talked to family members I forgot I even had. But things are falling into place thanks almost entirely to the tireless work of my wonderful fiancée. I’m doing my part by trying not to get in her way and doing whatever she tells me to do. It’s like we’re already married!

Notre Dame continues to be a constant source of anxiety for me. I mean come on! We can beat Michigan and Tennessee IN Tennessee but we can’t take BC or BYU? Geez, at this rate we’ll beat USC but lose to Pitt. Ah well, the important thing is we’ve clinched a winning record with that game and are bowl eligible. And our schedule right now is as good as we could want with Pitt next week (which should be a relatively easy one knock on wood) and then a bye week which’ll give them 2 weeks to prepare for USC. Hopefully that’ll allow them to give the Trojans a good game. Naturally, of course, USC also has a bye before the game. So here’s hoping. And all you people calling for Ty to be fired: please shut up. Thank you.

Ladies, do you wish your man would go see more romantic comedies with you? Fellas, do you wish you could get your girl to a horror flick or two? Well, people look no more. Someone finally made a movie for the both of you. It’s called Shaun of the Dead and with a tagline reading: A Romantic Comedy. With Zombies, how can you go wrong? Seriously, this movie was absolutely hilarious. Think Hugh Grant meets George Romero. And the funny thing is that about halfway through it I thought, “You know, take out the zombies and this would still be a pretty funny romantic comedy.” But come on, you don’t want to take out the zombies. They only make things better! The premise centers around a lazy Londoner who is perfectly content to remain working as a sales manager at a crappy appliance store and spend his free time playing video game with his loser best friend and taking a few pints at the local pub. His girlfriend wants him to put more effort into the relationship but he fails every time he tries. Oh and then the dead start to come to life. Shaun decides that he can make things up to his girlfriend by becoming a hero. Of course he can’t even make a dinner reservation let alone fend off the oncoming hoards of the undead. Hilarity ensues. Yes, there is your standard horror movie gore in there but it’s definitely not nearly as bad as the straight up horror flicks. And half the time it’s part of the humor. The movie does a fantastic job of subtly introducing the zombies into the movie. Think about that last sentence: zombies and subtlety? Yet that’s how it happens and it’s fantastically funny. Overall I give this a high recommendation as the best of both worlds date movie of the year. Oh, and look for nice nods to such classic horror/zombie fare as Romero’s Dead trilogy, Evil Dead and 28 Days Later.

Looking forward to seeing the Incredibles this weekend. No, amazingly enough, the Pixar lover that I am, I didn’t make it opening weekend but I will, never fear.

Headed back to New York for a nice 4 day weekend starting Wednesday night. Can’t wait to see the family. I only hope Erin doesn’t get completely blown over by the inevitable multitude of engagement/marriage questions from my family.

Until next time faithful reader….


…. take care (what you thought I was gonna be deep or something? This is me.)

Well.... I did it.

Holy solitaire setting Batman! Are the rumors true? Has it finally happened? Did he really do it? Yes, my friends, it is! I did in fact shave my head..... OK, seriously, this weekend I popped the big one to Erin. And not only that, but she also said yes! So I had one seriously good day on Friday. Ok, I had one seriously good weekend. Hell, I'm having one seriously good week. Great googily moogily, I'm engaged!

Two major major props are going out to Booter and Crowley. They came up huge for me this weekend and there's no way I could have done it without them. You guys were fantastic and I owe you big time for it.

Also thanks go out to Tom for listening to me freak out as I tried to get this all up and running.

Thanks go out to my family for being there for me this weekend and making it all so much easier.

And thanks to everyone at ND who made this weekend absolutely fantastic. You all rock.

And finally thanks to Erin for making my life wonderful each and every day... and for saying yes.
Ok, so I know, that's all much more serious than I normally am with this blog but hey, sometimes life is more serious than others and I owe a lot of thanks to a lot of people. So thank you all.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I also need to say: how much does it suck that BC once again beat ND and we don't get a chance to avenge the loss next season or any other season in the near future? I mean come on! If it wasn't for the whole proposal thing this weekend would've been really rough after that game. As it was, the wonderful event on Friday coupled with copious amounts of alcohol made it much more bearable. And damn there were some fantastic memories and quotes coming out of the weekend. Crowley, seriously, make up a blog and post 'em. Borden, watch your mouth in front of the kids and make sure you remember to test the toilets before flushing.

No real reviews to post up right now. Again no movies and I'll wait to finish up another book or two before posting those though I have to say if you want a good laugh, buy the Daily Show's America. So damn funny.

Hey, congratulation Red Sox fans on an amazing game 7 come back. Don't get cocky and think you're out of the water just yet. Even a 2-0 game lead over the Cardinals isn't close to being clinched. After your last series you should definitely know that.

Hey, congratulations Yankee fans. You've just officially orchestrated the biggest choke in the history of Major League Baseball. You're team is also about to be sliced and diced by Steinbrenner like Leonardo slicing up that pizza in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie (did you know that technically that was an independent film? The more you know....).

And a special congrats to A-Rod for the most womanly slap ever perpetrated on a major league baseball field.

That's all for now ladies and germs. To end I present a quote from Get Fuzzy:

“Well God help Oregon. For Beavers are the evil minions of Stan.”
“You mean Satan?”
“No, Stan. Stan the beaver. Granted he’s not as bad as Satan, but by beaver standards, he’s quite rude.”

...Cosmic

Hello world!

Ok, so it's been some time since my last update and in the meantime I've gotten some comments yelling at me to either update or to change the style of this blog. Luckily, I'm here to please so without further adieu may I present:


THE THOMAS MARINELLO APPRECIATION PAGE

Oh Thomas!

He thinks he's cute
In Raleigh-Durham
He's got the hair
That drives the girls wild
He looks like Tom Cruise
In MI2
He's the hot stuff
A true Canisius child

He's just a Tommy boy
He's Heather's boy toy
He's just a Tommy boy
He's Heather's boy toy

Don't call him short
He's really massive
He's had eight cars
Since 1998
His skill in b-ball
Is one true badass
He's a white shadow
So don't you playa hate

He's just a Tommy boy
He's Heather's boy toy
He's just a Tommy boy
He's Heather's boy toy


Ok, so enough of that. But let it not be said that I don't pay attention to my adoring public.... to the point of making you all very very scared.

Anyways, seriously, jack squat happening to me right now. At least in terms of crap you'd care about. No movies, no books, no music.... but hey, I went apple picking and I think that should count for something. Props to ND for pulling through Navy and making it 41 years in a row. It's like the Red Sox in reverse. Speaking of which, good God, I'm currently watching game 5 of the Yankees/Red Sox series and for the 3rd game AND day in a row we're into extra innings. This game started at FIVE O'CLOCK!!! Now I understand the Red Sox faithful don't want to lay down and die but the Yanks ain't blowing 4 in a row, is it really worth ruining the night's sleep of countless hard working Americans? Not to mention that we were supposed to be seeing the Astros/Cardinals game and now it's looking like that game will be over before the Red Sox either lay down and die or delay the inevitable til tomorrow. Update: 13th inning and Wakefield strikes out Sierra with 2 outs and runners on 2nd and 3rd.... odds on this game being over before 11? Not bloody likely.

So heading to ND this weekend. It promises to be one helluva time. Seems like everyone and their mother (including mine) will be there. It'll be the tailgate of year, I promise. Also it's been brought to my attention that Regis will be officially breaking the bottle on the new performing arts center this weekend so keep a sharp eye out for him. He's the best Regis we have, second only to Darrell Hammond (apparently).

Ok, so I got nothing as you can really see. But much love to my homeboys in cell block h and I will see some of you in South Bend in 4 days. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good bye.

Ah ha! Now the Rubberband's on the Other Claw!

Guten Tag faithful and faithless readers of the Mustard. My apologies for the lack of update until now. Tis been a busy week. As many of you know, and by many I mean the 3 of you or so who might actually read this blog, I have been hard at work finishing up the first episode of the strip. There will probably a week or two of down time before I start up the next one. Quite frankly, as most of you have been putting in your profiles, I've been spending too much time on it. But that's what happens when my frustratingly demented brain gets creative and won't let me rest til I put down all the strange ideas that enter it. So yes, I think I'm taking a little vacation from it to catch up on other things such as cleaning my apartment, doing laundry and catching up with dear friends who never call me back.

Speaking of which, if any of you caught the latest episode of Gilmore Girls this Tuesday and had really good eyes and knew what you were looking for, you may have seen Mr. Brock Domin was wake-goer #4. He enters the apartment for the wake, flashes a big goofy Domin smile and then does a reach around on Rory in order to get a cup. He can then be seen of to the side conversing with a group of girls about which I can only imagine except to say I'm sure it involved a phone number and the words "and a half".

Also a shout out to the big little man Sean "Booter" Griffin for proving that it's not how tall you are but who's old enough to buy alcohol first that matters. He turned 24 yesterday and yes ladies, he is single and loves to be the little spoon.

Thanks go out again to Erin for being the ONLY person to post a comment on the blog. Come on, Crowley, I know you've read this at least once.

The unbelievable has happened in that since my last post I have not seen one new movie. I know what you're thinking, he must've been involved in some horrible car accident that broke both legs and prevented him from leaving the house. That almost happened but luckily the blue toyota managed to get out of my way. No, there just wasn't really any great movies out last week that grabbed the attention. Add to that the fact that I spent all Saturday at the bottom of a pitcher as Notre Dame got their rear-ends handed to them on a silver platter with french fried potatoes by Purdue and I just wasn't in the mood to do much else other than relax. I may not even go this weekend either! Who knows. After Home Depot with the wallpaper, and flooring, stuff like that, maybe Bed Bath & Beyond... I just don't know if there'll be time. There's another Notre Dame game (come on, we have to beat Stanford) and those tend to take a lot out of me... and my wallet.

Some quick book review for any of you who are currently looking for something good to read in this lovely autumnal weather:

The Rule of Four - Ok, this book has some serious potential. Started off intriguing, with the main character/narrator Tom being drawn back into the senior thesis of his roommate, Paul, who is working unravel the hidden secrets of ancient text, much as Tom's father did before he died. The writing style really draws you into the college setting, giving you a great picture of the relationship between Tom and his roommates and does an excellent job of spelling out their different personalities. The problem comes when you get two thirds of the way through the book and you realize, nothing has actually happened. Oh sure, there's a murder and naturally Paul becomes the prime suspect of the police and mystery and amateur detective work ensues but you keep expecting with the historical ramifications of this text they're trying to decipher that there's going to be this huge epic scope that's going to unfold and these great mysteries are going to be unlocked and then it pretty much just ends. And for being a literature major Tom certainly missed out. He should have a been a philosophy major with all the deep insights into life that he dishes during the course of the book. I mean for someone who is supposed to be a Senior in college madly rushing about to finish his thesis and solve a murder and unlock the mysteries of Hypern0tomachia (yeah, that's the name of the book and it must've been a mighty big pain to have to type that one out the two hundred times or so it appears) he certainly spends a lot of time deliberating on the meaning of life and love. But anyways, my general consensus of the book is that it's a whole lot of potential that ends up leaving you thinking, that's it? Also negative points for the title of the book. I'm sure it's supposed to be probably be referring to both the secret of deciphering the mystery of the book and also to the situation of the four roommates. I don't care, should've been something else more relevant to the story.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - With as different a narrator as you could think of compared to the above mentioned Tom, the main character/narrator here is an autistic fifteen year old name Christopher who while on a walk one night comes across his neighbors dog, killed with a garden fork. He then takes it upon himself to follow in the veins of one of his favorite literary characters, Sherlock Holmes, and solve the murder. This book is an excellent contrast to The Rule of Four because not only is the scope of the two books as far apart as you can get but also in the form of narrator as, while in that book Tom got to bore us with his long-winded deeply philosophical collegiate views of life, Christopher is a high school mathematical genius who barely possesses any social skills because he views life through the simple view of mathematical proofs. Illogical fantasies and impossible to prove philosophies have no place in his life. And it is through his black and white view of things that we see not only the difficulties faced by autistic but also the ridiculous situations and problems that illogical emotions can cause. I won't spoil any thing in this review but suffice to say that by the end we get to the point that the harsh judgments about the adults, easily formed in this book, stop as we realize that we could all be these people. I'm not saying any of us has gone out and murdered a dog but we've all done crazy emotional things that through the eyes of Christopher would be silly, irrational and pointless. The author Mark Haddon has an excellent way of subtly sliding things into perspective where we realize we're reading about ourselves.

Anyways, that's my quick book reviews of the day:
Rule of Four- Don't bother, go get a good Agatha Christie book instead (I highly highly recommend And Then There Were None, Murder on the Orient Express, or The Murder of Roger Ackroyd).
The Curious Incident of the Dog... - Give it a go. You'll enjoy it.

I'm currently enjoying The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. While I'm only about halfway through, so far it's been the best book I've read this year. Of course it did win the Pulitzer. So hey, it should be right?

Until next time you wascily wabbits: episode one of the strip finished here.

Who's the Boss is not a food

Greetings and salutations my fine furried friends. I know what you're thinking: Snow's doesn't have a blog anymore? It went bye bye for almost a month. He even took it off his profile. Well, ha! I prove you wrong foolish mortals. Well that and the fact that I've just been rather busy the past few weeks. As some of you know, I've been doing a sprite strip similar to my ill-fated lord of the 5-man strip. Cept unlike that one, I've already done a ton of panels for it. So please, check out the strip ... NOW WITH ITS OWN WEBSITE!!!

Ok, so just got back from a visit to my anonymous girlfriend's or as some of you know her, Erin, family. Always a fun time. I got some quality lunchtime with the big man Dan Crowley, took care of a dead goose who didn't quite make it south for the winter, enjoyed a tapas bar (which apparently my mother misheard as being a topless bar... whoops), and generally just had a grand ol' time.

Ok, so some quick reviews:

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE - Well, this can be summed up pretty easily with: weird. I mean how to describe it? A few days in the life of a nerd? I'd heard a ton about this movie and how funny it was. It had some downright hilarious parts but quite frankly it was hit and miss. The movie came off as being a bunch of bits or sketches thrown together. Yes, the happy hands club bit and the presidential campaigns were absolutely fantastic, but for every one of those, there was another which was just like, oh, I get it, but it's not that funny. Overall, I'd put this one down as a rental when you're just in a mood for a really goofy movie that'll have you laughing at points and raising your eyebrows at others.

SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW - I sum this one up as Indiana Jones with CGI and NOT directed by Steven Speilberg. It was truly enjoyable and I would recommend it to anyone just looking for a good fun summer flick now that's it no longer summer. I'm kinda glad this got put off to now because it can actually be a successful well written summer flick not named Spiderman 2. Oh, by the way, don't go see this movie looking for Angelina Jolie, she's in it for like 10 minutes of screentime. Gwyneth Paltrow plays her character as a perfect imitation of Lois Lane. You just watch her putting herself into situations of ridiculous danger all while thinking: STOP BEING SUCH A DUMBASS! Lois Lane to a T. Jude Law is not quite Harrison Ford but he's still pulls off the suave devil-may-care attitude of a man who's good at what he does and knows it. Laurence Olivier.... well, here's hoping that he's looking down on this movie thinking, "Not a bad performance on my part." Something a little creepy knowing he passed away in 1989. Then again, I suppose that only adds to the part.

Anyways, final verdicts: Sky Captain: Kickass fun! Napolean Dynamite: Eh, not bad.

If you're bored of the current selection of music playing on the radio (you know, the kind that's basically repackaged 80's power ballads without the long haired frontman), try out a few of these:

The Shins: If you recall a few posts back I talk about the Garden State soundtrack. Well these guys had 2 songs on there. Both of them are off their Oh, Inverted World album. I also really recommend their Chutes Too Narrow album. They're definitely Indie rock, but they have some serious talent going on there.

Gavin DeGraw - If you like Ben Folds (plus or minus the Five) or Five for Fighting, check out this talented up and comer. Piano Rock at its finest, he's got some awesomely catchy tunes. Probably most famous for I Don't Want to Be (theme song to that fantastic show One Tree Hill), he's got some great songs on his album Chariot.

Rhett Miller - Leadman of the Old 97's, he put out a solo album, The Instigator which has got some great indie pop on it. Check out Our Love or the extremely catchy Four-Eyed Girl. It's the song Terrible Vision that really stands out showcasing this gifted artist's talent.

Alright you crazy 88's, that's all for now. Take care of yourselves and each other and your little dogs too. Unless you don't have a dog. In which case, check out the strip... now with its own website!!! Peace, love and understanding y'all.

Worst blog entry ever!

Hola chicos y chicas. It's been quite a while since I last updated. I spent the good part of last week up in the Adirondacks, swimming, kayaking, laying out under the stars where there's no such thing as light pollution blocking your view of the night sky. Man that was bliss. Exactly what I needed after a few rough weeks at work.

Anyways, not a whole lotta news or interesting facts in the meantime. Tuesday night is officially my new TV night. First off in two weeks, the new season of Gilmore Girls will be starting up on the WB. While this may not seem like such a big deal, it has recently come to my attention that our very own Brock Domin will be appearing on camera this year. He didn't even need to have a nice fireside dinner with a man named Michelle to do it.

Scrubs is still the most consistently funny show on TV. Yes there is The Simpsons but unfortunately it's been hit and miss the past few seasons. Last season was one of the best they've had in years and I still love the show but I think it's safe to say that the glory years of the show have come and gone. But it doesn't matter cause either way, I'll still be tuning in every week.

Father of the Pride has been a surprise. The first episode was not all that fantastic but the second was laugh out loud hysterical. And the thing is that it's not really the animals that are all that funny but Siegfried and Roy themselves are great. Any show which can spend an entire show on how evil Matt Laurer is can only be written by a talented individual.

Other than that though TV is pretty much useless right now. I'll give Joey a shot to see if maybe it can capture the time when Friends was good week in and week out and I've been hearing good things about ABC's Lost. Hey, it's got Merry in it from Lord of the Rings. So those are my two maybes of the year. The rest is relegated to the pile o' crap.

Sorry for the relatively weak entry. I'll be back soon with an update of substance.... ok, let's face it. I don't do substance. Substance is no fun. But in the meantime, don't let Frances ruin your day. This means you Steinbrenner.